Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the beginning of every week, which for today is for knowing I don’t have to go to battle anymore and argue some point where instead I just can walk away.
Recently, when I was standing in my kitchen with a real estate agent that’s been helping Chris to sell his home, I made a comment to her expressing some of deepest fears surrounding the sale and an impending move. Chris didn’t like what he heard in my words and would unleash a rath of fury upon me in front of her, not only embarrassing me, but putting her in an awful position in the process.
When this happened, my brain immediately unsheathed its incredibly sharp sword, and I could feel my blood boiling over within me. How many times I’ve arrived to that very battle with Chris over the past 10 years and slashed that sword in his direction, doing my best to inflict the greatest of damage, is countless.
What I did this time though was a first. I remained silent. And when he finished demoralizing me in front of a woman I barely knew, I thanked her for her time, and walked away, heading back into my bedroom where I crumpled into a massive slew of tears and prayed.
The fact is, I don’t have the fight within me anymore and I’m most certainly have waved the white flag to God by fully surrendering. Going to battle with another, especially, one you’ve loved dearly for so long that got lost somewhere along the way never goes anywhere.
There is never a clear winner whenever two people who care about each other choose to go to battle and draw their swords ready to strike upon the slightest of thing. I learned that far too late in this relationship, as whatever depth of love I thought going to battle could bring back, the reality is, it never did.
I’m grateful today that I finally walked away from a battle that never would have had a clear victor and opted to choose my tears and ultimately God for comfort instead…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
