Silly Joke #1 (2 Short Ones…)
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
A lumberjack once told me he had cut down 27,572 trees.
“How do you know exactly how many?” I had replied.
“Easy, I keep a log…” he said.
Silly Joke #2
A young man just proposed to his sweetheart. The girl replied, “If I marry you, will you promise to give up smoking?” “Yes, I will…” came the reply.
“And drinking?” she said. “I will give up drinking as well…” he said. “And going to the club with your cronies?” she asked. “Yes, I will give that up too…” he said. “And what else will you give up for my sake?” she asked happily. “Well actually, the more I think about it, I think I’m going to give up the idea of ever marrying you…”
Silly Joke #3
Little Johnny, the boy who always says and does the most inappropriate of things, badly wanted $100.00 and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. So he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to the White House. Eventually, Little Johnny’s letter actually makes it to the desk of the President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Little Johnny a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. When Little Johnny received it, while he was delighted with the $5.00, he sat down to write a letter to God that read, “Dear God, thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason it came through Washington D.C. and it looks like those jerks deducted $95.00!”
Bonus Silly Joke
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman’s apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they’re both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man was thinking… “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady was thinking… “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
