Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Are we supposed to love everyone?” I often hear this question coming from others, and it’s actually one I wrestled within myself for years. To me, that answer is very simple now, and it’s a resounding “Yes!” But how I arrived there took me going down a long, circuitous route that all boiled down to the fact that I never loved myself enough to truly love another.

The Bible, and many of the other world religions have one thing in common, and that’s the saying of “Love thy neighbor as thyself”. Because I didn’t love myself that much for a good chunk of my life, I always struggled to love any of my “neighbors”. To put this in a different way, I hated myself for years, I used to despise what I saw in the mirror, and it was once next to impossible to say I truly loved myself. All that resulted in was looking at the rest of the world through a tainted set of eyes. With them, the only things I frequently saw in others were their imperfections and character defects, because that’s all I saw in myself. In other words, what I consistently saw in others was what I didn’t like in myself.

When I began to draw closer to God though, I started working through all those things I didn’t like in myself. I took a hard look at all of my own imperfections and character defects. In all honestly, it was a difficult job to do, but certainly worth it because the more I worked on accepting my imperfections and removing my character defects, the more I began to like myself. And the more I began to like myself, the more I began to see everyone else through a healthier set of eyes and in a much better light. By continuing this work on myself, I also eventually became able to look in the mirror and say, “I truly love myself unconditionally” and mean it. But even better, all this world helped me to start noticing the good in everyone, even the ones who used to irritate me.

Nowadays, I’m find it’s much easier to embrace the positive qualities of everyone rather than focus on any of their negative ones. I also don’t find myself getting caught up in tearing someone’s character apart anymore like I once used to and I think that’s solely because I really do love who I am today. The love I have for myself now allows me to see everyone else with love and I’m quite grateful for that. That’s a far cry from where I used to be when I despised my life so much that I could only notice the things I despised in everyone else as well.

So is it possible for all of us here on Earth to truly love one other? Absolutely! But I believe the only way to ever get there is to fully accept our imperfections and remove all of our character defects that are selfish in nature. Following this path will definitely help each of us love ourselves so much so that once we do, loving any of our “neighbors” will just become second nature.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The main reason why I ever consumed alcohol, drugs, sex, nicotine, caffeine, and many other things were for the ease and comfort each would give me. By using any one of them, I was always able to temporarily mask the waves of loneliness, insecurity, and self-pity that plagued me each and every day of my life. It wasn’t until I stopped seeking all those external things that gave me this temporary ease and comfort did I begin to truly love and accept myself unconditionally.

Some would probably be embarrassed to admit this, but the first thing I ever got ease and comfort from in my life was actually masturbation. For years I lived in a fantasy world with it like most adolescents usually do, except I enjoyed the feeling so much so that I eventually became totally consumed with it. For any of the moments I was engaged in the act, I wasn’t dwelling on any of the sickness in my dysfunctional family nor was I thinking about my lack of friends in life.

When I finally discovered alcohol and drugs, I was able to have that ease and comfort last far longer from them than any amount I ever received from masturbation. For over five years, I pursued alcohol and drugs to avoid looking within at the emptiness that existed there. I also discovered during those years that smoking menthol cigarettes and using chewing tobacco enhanced that ease and comfort even more. Eventually though, the alcohol, drugs, and nicotine began causing me more pain than providing me any ease and comfort, so I got sober from each of them. Unfortunately, as soon as their effects wore off and the detox process was over, I became extremely uncomfortable in my own skin.

The 12 Steps of recovery could have helped me back then to work through that uncomfortableness, but I was too afraid to look at myself. I definitely didn’t love my life or accept myself on any level, so I ran headfirst into using my sexuality as a tool for seeking more ease and comfort outside of myself. Over the course of the next 12 years, I had countless sexual escapades, too many moments of watching porn, and falling into relationships that were solely based on lust and nothing more. But all of it served its purpose, as it gave me enough ease and comfort to avoid looking within. Along the way, I found other things as well that were able to enhance that ease and comfort such as gambling, shopping, and caffeine. But just like before, the pain those things began to cause eventually became greater than the ease and comfort I was receiving from any of them. It’s then that I finally began to pursue those 12 Steps of recovery.

For a while, I still tried to seek some of that external ease and comfort while I worked the steps, but I ultimately discovered they were incompatible with each other, especially if I wanted to ever fully love and accept myself unconditionally. It took me getting extremely uncomfortable and remaining that way without any of those external things active in my life before I started to feel any of that love for myself. But the more I kept each of them out of my life, the more I began to really love the person I had abandoned all those years ago in my adolescent days.

Today, I don’t seek that ease and comfort from anything externally, as I know now that will only ever provide me a false sense of relief. In the long run, each of those external things did nothing more for me than take me away from dealing with my loneliness, insecurity, and self-pity that originated in my childhood. Thankfully, I’m not feeling that way inside anymore and it’s not because of seeking any external ease and comfort either. It’s solely because my Higher Power and the 12 Steps have helped me to create it within, and now I’m able to truly love and accept myself unconditionally because of it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson