Deflating The Ego

Once upon a time there was a very innocent, egoless, and selfless young boy name Andy Dawson. He was caring, kind, and willing to help out in every way he could. But through many unfortunate circumstances of life, he began to develop into a very insecure and selfish individual. He eventually started going by the name of “A.D.” and allowed money, sex, alcohol, drugs, and various other addictions to rule his life. Soon, his ego became so large that it couldn’t fit in any room he walked into. But then the day came when so much misery ruled Andy’s life that he knew it was time to begin working on deflating it.

Deflating the ego has been one of the most difficult things I have ever taken on in life. It’s no wonder as I spent more than 22 years of it being an egomaniac and believing that I knew best in everything. I was a Mr. Know It All, and I always thought my point of view was the most important. I generally tried to make everything consistently about me, even when I wasn’t the focus of attention. All of this stemmed from that hurt little boy named Andy Dawson who had grown up into a very insecure adult.

When the day came where I called upon the God of my understanding to help me remove my misery and become a greater spiritual being of light, that was my first true attempt at squashing my ego. In recovery, they say that “ego” stands for “Edging God Out” and how true that is. For someone who lives consistently in ego, they are constantly like a full glass of water, unable to take anything more on. A true walk with God requires that glass to be constantly emptied and refilled again and again. To get there, every facet of my life had to change and the vehicle that has transported me there is ironically the physical pains I’ve endured for these past bunch of years.

I used to be filled with so much anger and rage about my pain, but most recently I came to acceptance that it was a blessing in disguise. Without it, I probably wouldn’t have ever slowed down enough or become humble enough to learn any of the lessons I’ve learned. The pain has taught me humility with money, it’s led me away from all my addictions, it’s helped me to have compassion for everyone in this world, it led me to an incredibly close relationship with God, and it gave me an appreciation and a level of gratitude for what I still had in my life. Thankfully, all of that has moved me in the exact opposite direction from the one I was going in all those ego-based years.

Soon my physical pains will be gone and I will emerge a new man, one that is not ruled by his ego, and one that will give all the praise he receives to God. I never would have thought the method of deflating my ego would have come through so much pain and hardship, but in all honesty, I’m glad it did.

Today, I am leaps and bounds a better spiritual man than I ever used to be and I definitely don’t believe I know everything anymore. In fact, it’s just the opposite as I still have so much more to learn. The process of deflating the ego took a path of great pain for me but I’m grateful to You God nonetheless for helping me get to here…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Jason Bateman’s Bad Words

Sometimes there are little gems of a movie that go relatively unnoticed by the public. Often that’s due to the lack of financial capital needed to get it the recognition it deserves. Many of those usually have trailers that are seen only in theaters by those already attending another small independent film. One of those previews happened to grab my attention not too long ago and I decided on a whim to go see the actual movie the other day with my partner. It was titled Bad Words and starred Jason Bateman, who incidentally was also doing double-duty as the director as well.

At first glance, especially if you’ve seen the preview, it would seem as if this movie was just going to be another type of raunchy fare. I have to admit that when I first saw the trailer that was my first impression so I quickly disregarded it as something I would never choose to go see. But given the amount of positive reviews and buzz this small film has generated, I decided to give it a whirl on a day that I seriously needed something to generate some laughter within me.

Without giving too much away, Bad Words is essentially about a 40 year old man, Guy Trilby (Bateman), who finds a loophole in the National Spelling Bee system that allows him to compete alongside pre-pubescent children. Why he does this, and how come he spends the majority of the movie being as rude, obnoxious, and ornery as he was, is all part of what made this movie as good as it was. While the trailer doesn’t totally give this film the justice it deserves, it was probably for the better that it didn’t. For once I was able to watch a movie without really knowing what to expect before going into it. What I can say is that it not only achieved many-fold the laughter I was seeking, it also gave me those spiritual goose bumps when it all came together in the end.

There is only one more thing I wish to reveal about the film without spoiling too much for someone else. While Guy Trilby may seem like a total jerk to both the viewer and all the parents in the movie itself, what transpires by the end of it explains why he’s being that way at all. The spiritual message I was able to take away from it as the credits rolled was another one of those age old adages in that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. And for me, it was double-fold, once with Trilby, and another with the movie itself.

Bad Words is truly a wonderful movie and one of those that I believe will become a cult classic as time goes on. While it may not have generated the income at the cinemas that something such as a Marvel movie might do, it was enriching, rewarding, hilarious, and worth every dollar I spent on it.

So if you are looking for a good film that has some spiritual depth hidden below a surface that appears to be only raunchy, then I encourage you to go see this movie. You will not be disappointed. I know I wasn’t.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Scammers, Fraudulence, And Another Hard Look In The Mirror

Sometimes I find it really challenging to exist in a world where there is so much dishonesty and deception. Sadly, there are probably people out there right now who are scamming to get something out of someone else without them even being aware of it. Unfortunately, I recently discovered that I too fell prey to someone’s else’s fraudulent acts and it made me realize how I was once no different to them.

Given my own addicted-fueled past and my own old fraudulent ways, I truly thought I was protected on every level when it came to scammers. I have multiple passwords and other ID’s that are in place for each of my accounts. I never follow strange links that are sent to me in e-mails. I always discard any other e-mail that indicates I’ve won something, but have to give some form of identification to learn what it is. I never reveal any of my personal information over the phone to a stranger that’s contacted me out of the clear blue. And I even check my financial accounts on a weekly basis to ensure everything is staying intact. But I found out today that there was one area I never would have believed that a fraudulent act could occur in and that was with the IRS.

As most people know, in today’s day and age, tax returns can be submitted electronically, saving time and hassle. What many might not know is that the only thing that’s needed to submit one is a person’s name and their matching social security number (SSN). When my accountant attempted to do just that with my return for this year, it was rejected. It stated that my social security number had already been used to submit a return for the current calendar year. So as not to draw this out into a long story, I spent close to seven hours of time to figure out that someone has been using my SSN for two consecutive years to file illegally with the IRS and receive a money-based return. Thankfully, no other areas of my life seemed to have been affected and I was also not responsible to pay back any of the money that was fraudulently distributed to the scammer. While protection has now been added with the IRS to prevent this from happening in the future, I still feel violated and it’s made me wonder if that’s how everyone used to feel when I did my own versions of scamming others. Did people used to get this angry and be consumed temporarily with darkness because of my old self-seeking behaviors? I’d have to say that my intuition is saying most likely so.

In addition to this realization, I completely forgot to go to my Higher Power in prayer or meditation for help through any of this fraudulent experience when it happened. Instead, I ran headfirst into it, calling one number after another, and getting more heated as the day went on. When I finally slowed down to pray and meditate, I felt a whole lot better.

All of this goes to show that I need to pay a little more attention to some of my own words that I write in here each and every day. That being that the next time something like this happens, I need to take a moment, breathe, and pray to my Higher Power for guidance and direction. I’m positive that if I take a little time to meditate thereafter, I will clearly see all the spiritual lessons I’m meant to learn through it and I’m sure I will remain a lot more calm and serene too.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson