Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

A teacher of meditation, a motivational speaker, a reader of numerology, and a writer by trade, Andrew Arthur Dawson is a spiritual man devoted to serving his Higher Power and bringing a lot more light and love into this world. This blog, www.thetwelfthstep.com is just one of those ways...

Saying I’m Sorry – Part I

“I’m Sorry.” Two words I’ve said many, many times throughout my life.

There are two ways I’ve said I’m sorry in my life that weren’t healthy and meaningful for my spiritual growth. This entry talks about the first of them.

The first time I ever mouthed the words I’m sorry can be traced back to when I was just a child, living in the home of my alcoholic-based family. My parents fought all the time. Yelling and screaming were common. Deafening silence was also just as common. Everyone was always on edge and my sister and I did everything we could to stay out of the way of upsetting our parents anymore then they always seemed to be.

For any person active in any addiction, things that go wrong are never their fault. At least that is what they tell themselves. It’s always everyone else’s fault. The fingers are pointed. The blame is directed outward. With my parents, blame came my sister’s and my way quite a bit. After my mother passed away some years ago, my sister and I found letters in her house that we both wrote as kids saying we were sorry for all the yelling and screaming they did. We wrote many words on many pieces of paper to them apologizing for all the fighting they did.

Sadly, there were many things that happened in my childhood home that were never mine or my sister’s fault yet we took the blame. We said “I’m sorry” almost as if it might make them be happier with each other and with us. Life in an alcoholic household always seemed to be like a ticking time bomb to when the next rage filled discussion was going to happen. I can remember feeling like I was walking on a tightrope with everything I did. Alcoholics aren’t happy when themselves and because of that, they aren’t happy with anything around themselves either. So for my sister and I, anything that we did regardless of how much perfection we tried to place into it, always seemed wrong in my parent’s eyes. Thus there were many days that those words “I’m sorry” came out of our mouths.

Unfortunately, living that way for so many years created a pattern for both my sister and I. Throughout our lives since leaving home, we have found ourselves saying those words in many different situations that weren’t our fault. For me, I continued to take the blame for things happening negatively in my places of employment, with friendships, with relationships, and with anything for that matter even though I knew inside it wasn’t my fault.

I have to work very hard today to realize that when things go wrong around me, they aren’t always my fault. In fact, in most cases today with me living in a God-centered life, rarely are they my fault. My last stint of having to face this issue head on, to conquer it and move on came over a year ago when I was hanging around with an active drug addict who I thought I could help save. His marriage was falling apart. His finances were falling apart. His world was crumbling all around him and he was lashing out at me day after day after day. He blamed me for everything going wrong in his life and I began to realize at some point that I was taking ownership of his crazy life saying “I’m sorry” for things that weren’t my fault. Thankfully, I parted ways with that person after coming to understand this lesson.

One of the main things that I’ve had to do since then to ensure my spiritual growth towards God is to remove all the people in my life who are actively suffering from any addiction. Sadly, for those people that still are, they live in the footsteps of people like my mother who refused to look at themselves and take ownership of the chaos they were creating around them. They will always blame everyone else for their problems until they are ready to look in the mirror and point the finger at no one but themselves.

Living as best as I’m capable today in a God-centered, selfless reality has helped me to see that I’m not responsible for all the bad things that might happen around me even when people say it’s my fault. Through my spiritual growth and a deeper connection with God, I am able to see clearly now when someone is projecting their stuff on me as well as when it really is something I need to take ownership of.

Thank God today I don’t find myself saying “I’m sorry” for everything bad that happens. I feel a lot lighter because of it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Man’s Best Friend

History says that dogs are man’s best friend. They are loyal, affectionate, caring, kind, loving, devoted, playful, and more. Many people have them for pets for those reasons. While I’ve never owned one, I definitely have had my share of being close to some through my sister’s family, through friends, or through roommates. But as much as dogs are willing to offer so many wonderful traits, they have feelings too just like people.

Over the past few years I’ve had a few people close to me that have mistreated their dogs. The worst was with a guy I knew that was an active drug addict and every time he was on the downside of his addiction, he would kick his dog when it was just trying to get attention and affection. Most dogs won’t defend themselves, especially to their masters. Ironically, the way this man treated his dog was the same way he treated everyone else in his life.

On a more subtle level, any house-bound dog is dependent on their owner to be taken care of. Unless there is an exit-way to the yard from inside the house, a dog is unable to go to the bathroom. As for feeding themselves, I don’t know of any dog that is able to do that. Dogs really can’t show themselves affection with the exception of grooming themselves. While they may chase their tails or run around the house at times on their own, most are dependent on their masters to play with them as well.

My reason for writing this entry is due to observations of people I continue to see that are mistreating their pets. There is one person I know that is completely unaware his animal is being mistreated by him. Neglected is probably a better word to describe it. Sometimes, this person works upwards of twelve hour shifts leaving his dog at home for the duration. They have maintained that their dog is able to go for those periods of time holding their bladder and waiting to eat again. While this may be true, is it really fair? I know I couldn’t go 12 hours without urinating. And unless I’m fasting, I’m usually pretty starving after twelve hours of not eating anything. At least with human beings, most are able to go out, socialize, take care of themselves, and be independent. Dogs can’t do that. And this person’s dog will sit and wait all day doing nothing at the house just waiting for their master to come home. What’s even harder on this dog is that this person doesn’t always walk them when they first come home after all those long hours or even after their master first wakes up in the morning. Just recently, this dog had an accident all over the floors and carpets in that person’s house because of that reason. It was blamed on some medication the dog currently was taking. While that may have been the cause, is it really fair to make a dog wait for their master’s own needs?

I compare all of this to someone who is in hospice care or dependent upon a day nurse. People under care such as this rely solely upon this help to go to the bathroom, shower, eat, socialize, and receive attention. Without it would be disastrous. Should it be any different with a dog who is house bound?

Currently I’m not able to have a dog as a pet because I’m renting. I look forward to the day though that I’m able to. With all the work I’ve been doing on my life to become more selfless and God-centered, I know that any dog I owned would be well taken care of before even my own needs. I really can’t imagine spending 12 hours in a house alone staring at the walls every day, holding my bladder, and waiting to eat again. Most dogs offer so much unconditional love. Don’t they deserve the same treatment that their master might offer their own self? If a dog is truly man’s best friend, then why should any dog be neglected or abused?

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Change Is Good

Just a few days ago I was shivering wearing a winter coat and watching reports that the area might be getting a few more inches of snow. Winters really can be tough in the Northeast, especially like this year when in just over a month, more than 60 inches of snow dropped and the temperatures remained frigid for weeks on end. I can’t say for sure if the groundhog correctly predicted things this year. What I do know is that winter seemed like it was never going to cease and then suddenly it did when I awoke yesterday with the sun shining and a temperature close to 60 degrees.

While I really don’t enjoy winter at all, I have come to co-exist with it knowing that its days are always numbered. But more importantly, I’ve come to appreciate winters knowing I wouldn’t if it was warm all the time. Southern Florida and Southern California always seem inviting to me because of their year round balmy temperatures. I’ve hesitated though in relocating there because many people that migrate there from the north, end up leaving and coming back. Most say it’s because they miss the change in seasons.

I believe that if I did move to a year-round warmer climate I would probably take vacations up north just to occasionally see the sun twinkle on the snow a day after a storm. I love to see a wet snow come in and coat all the trees and then for the sun to emerge with a blue sky around it. It really does create a breathtaking masterpiece in nature.

Life is really like this isn’t it?

Would summer vacation have been as great when I was a kid if I never had gone to school?

Would taking a week or two of vacation in the winter have been as exciting if I was able to go on vacation all year?

Would dining out at a restaurant be as alluring if I could eat out at one every night of the week?

There was a time in my life when I could answer questions like this. It was a time when I had plenty of money to go do what I wanted. I did take vacations week in and week out. I went out to many different restaurants daily. And I grew bored. I no longer was excited about anything because nothing ever changed. Today I can’t afford to live a life like that and I’m grateful to God for that. I enjoy when I’m able to dine out a restaurant now. I am excited to take my once a year vacation. My appreciating these things comes from not having them all the time just like the seasons.

As much as I may not like the cold of the winters, and as much as I like the hot and steamy summers, I truly love to see the seasons change between them.

Seeing flowers pop out of the moist ground.

Hearing that first thunderstorm pierce the sky.

Watching the grass become greener and greener.

Smelling the first lawn being cut.

Spring then turns into Summer.

Jumping into a bluish cold pool on a hot and steamy day.

Eating that icy popsicle while melting all over the hands.

Playing a game of mini-golf getting a hole in one.

Sitting on a sandy beach while hearing the lull of the ocean.

Summer then becomes Fall.

Listening to the leaves rustle as a breeze whisks on through.

Staring at their dazzling colors as they drop one by one.

Blowing cold rings of air when the temperature begins to dip.

Eating a bowl of oatmeal trying to soothe the cold away.

Fall then turns into Winter.

Catching a flake of snow on the tongue as gravity brings them down.

Making snowballs when enough has fallen to throw at a friend.

Building that first snowman to proudly put it on display.

Drinking a cut of hot chocolate in front of that crackling fire.

Winter then becomes Spring again.

Remembering why I love the change in everything.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson