I have several close friends in my life who have been single and alone for most of their adulthood and that’s not been by choice, it’s simply been their reality. Loneliness is a factor in both of their lives on a daily basis and it’s something I often wish I understood why God would let people like them remain relationshipless, especially when they would both make wonderful loving partners for someone. And in all actuality, I’ve known plenty of others as well who have constantly failed to meet someone special or even get a date for that matter for much of their adult life.
I’m absolutely positive that many who read this might be thinking right now things such as maybe it’s because of their looks, or maybe it’s because they aren’t searching in the right places, or maybe it’s because they’re not searching hard enough, or maybe it’s because there’s something else wrong with them altogether! Well, what if it’s none of that? And what if asking those questions is exactly the opposite of what we all should be doing in situations like this? Before I elaborate more on why I’m saying this, I need to clarify something.
While I can’t vouch for everyone in the world who has grappled with being forever single and experienced great loneliness because of it, I can at least say that the ones I’ve known personally who have gone through this are indeed good looking, they do have stable lives, they have amazing hearts, and there’s nothing wrong with them at all.
But you see, when someone is suffering from something for quite some time, such as remaining single and alone, it’s never helpful to ask questions as to why they’re going through what they are. It’s equally not as helpful to hear suggestions, advice, or reasons why you think they are either. Instead, it’s far more beneficial to be compassionate, to listen to their pain, to remain non-judgmental, and to offer a shoulder to cry on if that should happen.
So often in life though, it’s the human tendency to avoid doing things like this and instead attempt to fix their pain and suffering. And I ultimately feel that every time we do this, we’re merely attempting to play God. The fact is, none of us truly know why anyone goes through anything, as we aren’t God. Sure we can make our assumptions and have our opinions surrounding it, but all we really are doing when we do this is providing nothing but judgments.
While I may not have experienced what it feels like to be single and alone for much of my life like some of my closest friends have, I do know what suffering and hardship feels like, as I’ve been going through that for a good while now. And the last thing I want from anyone these days is advice, guidance, or opinions as to why they think I may be going through it. While I do have a few extremely close people in my life that I’m ok with them providing me some of that, hearing those things from anyone else only causes me sheer frustration. What I truly want from anyone when they see me going through a bout of pain and suffering is to just listen to my grief and to hopefully offer me a hug. It’s actions like those that I feel most represent what God’s will is for us anytime we come across someone who’s going through a difficult ordeal in life. That’s why I believe the bottom line here is this.
Instead of attempting to figure out why God’s having someone suffer through something such as being perpetually single, instead of offering them advice, instead of giving them guidance, and instead of sharing opinions, it’s best to just listen to them and remain non-judgmental. It’s best to simply show them how much you care by telling them you love them and by giving them a hug. In doing so, you stand a far better chance of connecting to their heart and soul and helping them to feel better, as compared to the distance you might create between you and them if you attempt to fix them or try to figure out why they’re going through what they are…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson