God’s Precise Timing And Smokey The Cat

Having a pet in my house is something I wasn’t accustomed to at all until I met my partner in February of 2012. That’s when I became acquainted to Driggs, a very ornery cat who had previously been with my partner Chris for more than ten years at the time. It took Driggs a good year from that point to get used to me and vice versa, but when we both did, the two of us became inseparable. But tragically Driggs developed oral cancer four years later and had to be put to sleep, leaving me devastated.

Part of me wanted to replace Driggs as soon as possible to cover up the pain I felt inside, while the other part of me wanted to take enough time to grieve like I would any other member of my family if they had passed. I opted for the latter and chose to leave the decision with God on whether I was ever meant to have another cat again.

Month after month went by after that where the only answer I got from my Higher Power about getting another cat was “not yet”. It’s hard to explain how I kept getting that answer and any attempt to do so would probably not make much sense. But let’s just say I know God was being overly clear that I wasn’t meant to get another cat any time soon.

Ultimately, I had plans to get a purebred Siberian Forest Cat when God eventually said it was time, because I wanted a hypoallergenic animal in my house. Not that I’m allergic to animals these days (like I once was), but more so for any guest that may come visit me who is. Nevertheless, it seemed like God had a different plan, as God usually does, because one day my sister contacted me and said she had to get rid of one of her cats.

When I asked why, she told me that her two female cats were having major issues with a male cat she brought into her household earlier in the year. Supposedly they were now constantly peeing and pooping outside their litter box as acts of defiance for having this male cat around. It’s probably important to mention at this point that how my sister acquired this male cat was rather interesting.

She discovered him at around 2 weeks old by a dumpster in her neighborhood. He had been abandoned there and was most likely going to die if left unattended. She chose to rescue him, and nursed him back to heath as best as she could. At one point not too long later though, he developed a pretty serious urinary issue that the vet thought he wasn’t going to heal from. That’s when my sister and her husband opted to pray for him and wouldn’t you know their prayers worked. He fully healed and ever since has been an extremely friendly and playful cat. Unfortunately, my sister knew she still needed to part ways with him because of the trauma her older cats were feeling with his presence. That’s when she called me and suggested I take him.

At the time of that call, I was still receiving the same answer from my Higher Power that it wasn’t time to get a cat yet. So I started praying to God at that point that if I truly was meant to take my sister’s cat, to let me know somehow. And wouldn’t you know, just on the precipice of when my sister was planning on taking the cat to a shelter, I received the answer that it was time to get a new and my sister’s cat was it. Zoom forward to just a few weeks ago with my sister’s visit here and it was then I was formerly introduced for the first time to Smokey.

Sometimes I find it really funny how God knows just what you need, when you most need it, because ever since Smokey’s arrival, my spirits have been much brighter. This cat has bonded to me exceptionally well and now usually follows me everywhere, is constantly purring, and regularly just wants to sit near me like he is right now as I type this very entry. (See the picture below.)

Smokey has brought a smile to my face and humor into my home a good number of times already and on some level, that’s exactly what I need these days with everything I continue to go through with my health and healing. Thus I’m grateful to God for once again having such precise timing in knowing when I was meant to get a cat again. Thankfully I remained patient enough with God to see it all come together in the way it was meant to. I’m sure the same holds true with my health and healing, but for now, I thank you God for bringing me Smokey The Cat.

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Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

For Those Who Hurt

This quick entry goes out to all those who are hurting right now in life, no matter what your hurt is, I want each of you to know that you’re not alone and that I’m sending you prayers of love and light. May God bless each of you with strength to keep going and to keep trusting that it will get better. I love you all.

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Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Mental Blackouts From A Sex And Love Addiction?

Is it possible to experience a mental blackout from something other than alcohol or drugs? That’s the question I’ve been pondering as of late in my recovery life. Why? Because of things I have not been able to remember at all, which people have been telling me recently we did together during a period of my life where I was heavily engaged in only one addiction, a sex and loved-based one.

First off, I should clarify what a mental blackout is before I proceed any further and it’s probably for the best I describe it in terms of those days when I used to get heavily inebriated. As back then, I’d often drink so much I’d go through periods of time where I was conscious but completely unaware of what I was doing. Each of those times I’d usually wake up in strange places having no idea how I got there or what took place for several hours prior. And sadly, the friends I had during that stage of my life frequently had to fill me in on those things.

Now zoom forward to a long stretch of time that spanned from 1995 to 2012. While I was sober from alcohol and drugs during that entire period, I was still heavily engaged in a sex and love addiction on and off throughout. And although I assumed I was completely aware of everything I did during all those years, I began to wonder if that was true because of things people have attempted to remind me of recently.

Take the other day for example, when I reconnected to a friend on Facebook I hadn’t spoken to in years. During an online conversation, he recollected my time in his hometown (Charlotte) and how he had picked me up at this guy’s house that I had been staying at while there. For the life of me, I wasn’t able to remember this house or the guy who owned it, even though I had supposedly spent several days there. Even worse, there were plenty of other mental blank spots from the trips I took to Charlotte.

Some could say that this is just a sign of aging and how I’m simply beginning to forget moments of my life because I’m getting older. I’d beg to differ though only in that I have a pretty great memory overall these days, much of which often seems to be photographic. And the only difference nowadays is that I’m sober from my former sex and love addiction. In Charlotte, I wasn’t. As there, I “dated”, or sexually pursued being the much better word to describe it, at least five different people at the same time.

Ever since reconnecting with this friend from Charlotte, I put a lot more thought to other moments in my life where my sex and love addiction was quite active. Take for example a trip I took with a guy I was once extremely obsessed with from Massachusetts around 2008. During it, we went to Six Flags Great Adventure and New York City. But here again, I was unable to recall all the rides I rode at the amusement park or what I actually did in New York City.

What’s ironic about all these memory lapses is that the moments I seem to remember the most during the sex and love addicted periods of my life are when I was in the midst of hooking up or attempting to hook up. Yet I’m unable to remember far too many other things that were part of my day-to-day living during that time.

So are these really the same type of mental blackouts then that I experienced from my alcohol and drug addiction? I guess it’s slightly different in that when I got overly drunk I couldn’t remember anything I did, yet when I excessively engaged in my sex and love addiction, I was only totally oblivious to everything going on around me except for the person who was the focus of that addiction.

Thus my conclusion is this. Addictions in general robbed me of many of my life’s fondest memories. Call them mental blackouts, call them memory losses, it really doesn’t matter. The fact is I don’t know if any of them will ever come back to me. But at least I can say this isn’t happening to me anymore, as working my recovery, doing the 12 Steps, and seeking to do only God’s will in life has thankfully changed all that. Now I can truly say that every moment, every memory, and every second of life are very precious to me and I want to remember them all. And I think I stand a pretty good chance of doing that, so long as I remain free from all addictions…

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Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson