Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

Mortality. It’s something I’ve really been facing over the past year of my life and something I’ve been having a lot of difficulty with. I’ve noticed my body isn’t bouncing back as quickly anymore with things such as bruises, cuts, and such. I’ve seen wrinkles appear in more and more places. Veins on multiple parts of my body are protruding far greater now. Aging spots are beginning to appear. And scars are showing themselves more prevalently these days, even ones I didn’t even know I had.

Why is this so hard for me?

Well if you noticed, all of the things I just mentioned that are getting to me are superficial, meaning on the outside of me. And that’s exactly why it’s been so hard because I really have been a very vain person for much of my adulthood. I know this is something I’ve written about before and something that continues to challenge me day in and day out. But I felt I needed to write about it again since it’s been bothering me so much as of late.

The truth is, I programmed far too much of my adult life to focus mostly on how good I looked on the outside rather than doing some much-needed spiritual work within. In the last four years though, I’ve truly worked hard on growing my spiritual life, yet the one thing that still seems to elude me is acceptance of what’s happening more and more on the outside as I grow older. In fact, instead of accepting it, I’ve done the exact opposite at times and on some level, you might find it rather comical, especially with the following reference I often compare my behavior to.

Have you ever watched the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding before or seen its sequel that came out recently? There is an older gentleman in both movies who is always using Windex to fix just about everything including even spraying it on his hip to help with his arthritis. In my case, my Windex is actually Tea Tree Oil.

I’ve gone through plenty of vials of this oil in recent years, putting in on everything that appears on my skin that appears to be abnormal in my mind. Always hoping it will remove it as quick as possible. While many times it actually has, there’s also been some not-so-good results as well. I’ve actually burned my skin in a bunch of areas and left permanent blemishes there because of it, which has only propelled my mortality fears even more.

Trying to break this fear of aging and how I look on the outside is proving to be quite challenging that’s for sure. And while I know it might sound ludicrous to you, the fact remains, spending the better part of 20 years thinking the best side of myself was how I looked has created some serious negative programming and impacted how I feel about mortality.

I must say though I have gotten a little better lately with all of this, finding some success with acceptance when things appear on the outside of me that are involved with the aging process. I have placed the Tea Tree Oil in my storage room and have only been accessed it a few times as compared to how I used to access it every single day.

I have to laugh at myself as I continue to write about this because it totally exposes a huge character defect within me that I’m sure at some point down the road I’m going to look back on this and see how silly it was. But for now, I’m working hard on erasing this negative programming and doing what I can to accept my mortality with grace.

I know what’s most important is what’s on the inside and that’s why I’m writing about this. Because I find that the more I get honest with myself in my writing, the more I do the work to spiritually grow and change these parts of me that no longer mesh with what I feel my Higher Power’s calling is for me.

So while I do believe mortality is an important thing to deal with and face as I continue to grow older, I think it’s also something that doesn’t need to involve a lot of stress and worry, especially when it comes to the outer appearance of myself. I know that’s going to take a little more work on my part to fully deprogram all these vanity issues, but at least for now, I’m getting honest with myself and accepting that at least one aspect of mortality doesn’t have to have such power over me…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I had to cancel a small overnight trip the other day that was originally planned as a birthday gift for my partner. It was something I know we both were looking forward to, but unfortunately, my health hasn’t reached a level yet where I feel comfortable travelling anywhere. My partner agreed with me and so we postponed it until the fall.

When I actually made these plans a few months ago, I was beginning to see small signs of progress that led me to make an assumption I’d be in a good enough place of health when the day of the trip rolled around. Sadly, my assumption was slightly off. While I know there are plenty who would probably still go on the trip no matter how they felt, I haven’t had much success in doing that in any of the last few trips I’ve taken.

Travelling involves expelling a lot of energy and having a lot of mobility for me, especially when there’s a long plane or car ride involved. For this trip specifically, there would have been some extended car travel to get there and a good amount of walking once there as well, neither of which I’m able to fully handle yet.

To be perfectly honest, It’s truly frustrating continuing to be in this spot with my health and healing, given how long I’ve been working on improving it. But healing in the way I am is grossly different than how many people these days seem to deal with their health.

Usually the first line of treatment for most when any ache or pain or some other health issue arises is to take some over-the-counter remedy, hoping it will provide the necessary amelioration. But when it doesn’t, it’s usually off to the doctors where stronger medications are prescribed. This was my own pattern of healing for the longest long time, but I never got better doing it. I eventually realized I was only putting Band-Aids on deeper-seated issues every time I put a pill in my mouth. Even worse, I learned in doing so that my body is super-sensitive to most medications and I got more side effects then benefits.

That’s why I use the holistic approach these days and am doing what I can to trust in my own body to naturally heal itself. And of course that involves some of my own work too, primarily on the mental and emotional level. But so far this has been a slow process and one at times I have wished I could really speed up, except healing naturally often does take a lot more time than what the ego wants. This is precisely why I think over-the-counter drugs and prescribed medications are frequently the course of treatment for so many like it once was for me.

But now it’s not for me anymore. Instead, I sit through the pain and trust as best as I can that my body is self-healing itself. This means I don’t take painkillers or any medications to curb symptoms and that alone makes what I go through all the more challenging, particularly when it comes to going on a trip somewhere out of town. Thus this is why I came to acceptance that cancelling this overnight trip was for my highest good at the present time.

I am grateful for knowing and accepting my current limits in life due to my health because in the past I would have just given in to my ego and done what I could to push myself beyond them, only to suffer a lot more on my trip than if I hadn’t gone. But more importantly, I absolutely remain faithful in my Higher Power and the healing forces within me that I will eventually be travelling again like I once used to on a regular basis, once my health gets a little better. Because I know it will. It’s just going to take a little more time and a little more patience…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson