Left Out, But Things Happen For A Reason

Have you ever found out about a get-together of people you were close to after the fact? In other words, have you ever discovered you weren’t invited to a friend’s event once it had already taken place? This happened to me just recently when I learned about a game night a friend of mine had, days after it transpired.

Group game nights are just one of the many events I enjoy about the fellowship of recovery. Back in Massachusetts I regularly attended many of these that friends in recovery held at their homes. In Toledo, there’s a bunch of us here too that do the same, occasionally getting together to play things like Euchre or Cards Against Humanity. So when I discovered the other day that one of these game nights had already taken place with that group of friends, I immediately called the one who had held the get-together at his house to find out why I hadn’t been asked to come. Interestingly enough, I was a little shocked at his response.

Apparently I actually had been on his list to invite but another fellow invitee said he wouldn’t attend if I were going to be there. While I had no idea that anyone was holding a grudge against me in this circle of friends, the sad truth was that it ended up putting my friend in a place where he felt he had to choose. And eventually he made the choice to not invite me solely because an out-of-town guest coming to the event had very strong ties to this resentment-filled person, thus he felt there was more of a reason for him to be there than I.

I feel bad for this friend having to choose like he did, having to be put in that uncomfortable position. Personally, I would have handled it different though if the tables were turned. The fact is any individual who says they won’t attend an event because someone else is going to be there they don’t like, that’s ultimately on them. Expecting the host to make a choice is really being unfair, codependent and quite unhealthy.

Nonetheless, it was still difficult to have been left out of an event I normally would have been invited to and attended. But in all honesty, I’m not the least bit angry or resentful, because I tend to believe that things happen for a reason. The night this game night took place, I ended up spending time getting to know a relatively new friend a lot better and going to a meeting with him I never attended before. Even better, the speaker at the meeting was actually another friend of mine I had never heard tell their entire story to recovery before.

So while I may be a little sad that a resentment prevented me from attending a game night with a group of my friends, I’ve decided to accept there was a much better plan for me that evening, one that brought me closer to someone new, and one that moved my heart closer to my Higher Power. And hopefully the next time my friend has a game night, he’ll invite everyone, regardless of whether someone has an issue with another or not…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Amy”, A Documentary About The Tragic Life Of Amy Winehouse

Watching the movie “Amy”, a documentary about the life of eclectic singer Amy Winehouse, was quite challenging for me. While the film itself was an incredible montage of the fractured life she lived, it was also a harsh reminder of all the people I’ve sponsored or known in recovery that never made it.

Lately it truly seems as if people are dropping like flies inside and outside the recovery world, each dying from self-inflicted causes that could have been prevented by getting some help through the 12 Steps, therapy, or some other self-help outlet. “Amy” is no different, as it’s an extremely stark portrayal of just one of the many who have gone down that road, avoiding doing any work on themselves and instead hoping their problems would just go away on their own. This is specifically why I was against going to see this movie because I see this time and again, week after week through my life in recovery. But, due to a promise I made to my partner that I’d go see it with him (Amy Winehouse is one of his favorite all-time singers), I reluctantly headed to a local theater about a week ago to catch a matinee of it.

I must say it really was difficult sitting there in my seat seeing Amy Winehouse avoid the issues that plagued her the most, one mainly being a mostly absent father from her childhood. What was ironic though, was that when her fame began to grow, her father took a more active role in her life, but from what mostly appeared to be purely selfish interests. In fact, one of Amy’s most well-known songs is “Rehab”, which originated out of her father telling her she didn’t need to go to one and that she’d be just fine.

What I didn’t know about Amy’s life was that she also suffered from bulimia since the age of 15. That condition combined with her alcohol and drug issues, as well as the emotional demons that plagued her silently from within for most of her life, eventually took its final toll on her at 27 years old.

The documentary really does a fantastic job showing all the things I see on such a regular basis nowadays in my recovery from addiction life. So many come into the rooms and hope for a magic cure, wanting a wand to be waved and all their own demons to suddenly disappear. I too would have loved that to happen, but it never did and I only grew worse waiting for that just like Amy did.

Alcohol and drugs, and many other addictions are great temporary relievers of pain, but they also inevitably only lead to one conclusion, death. I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones, having learned there is freedom from addictions, as well as mental and emotional disorders, but it takes a lot of hard work. Unfortunately, Amy chose to avoid doing that and instead numbed herself from all her pain until it took her life in 2011.

Watching this film, it was easy to want to blame all her problems and her ultimate demise on her dad or a number of other things like the toxic guy she dated and even married or the pressures of being famous. But the sad truth is that the only person who could have changed any of it was Amy and she never tried to. Instead she clung to codependent relationships and simultaneously submersed herself into her music and alcohol and drugs. The most intensely painful moment for me though while watching her life on the big screen was when she went up on stage in one of her final concerts and was so drunk she couldn’t even sing. Hearing the boos from an audience who had no idea just how sick she was spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically was quite hard to swallow.

Until someone either goes through what Amy went through themselves or encounters it with a very close friend or loved one, they’re never going to understand just how tough it is to battle addictions and/or mental disorders. Thankfully I’ve endured both and find myself getting a little emotional now as I write these final words, thinking about all the wonderful souls like Amy who never were able to rise above them. My only hope is that more people will try to understand, will go see more movies like “Amy”, and will stop judging and blaming what they think causes deaths like hers.

The fact will always remain that the only person who can ultimately change any of it, is the person who’s sick. They have to be the one who seeks help. Regrettably Amy did not, and neither did four of my former sponsees who died in similar fashion. My heart and prayers go out to all those like them who have perished like this, especially you Amy Winehouse, because you truly had such a beautiful gift that blessed so many like my partner. While I’m sad you’re gone now, I am grateful to say I understand a little better some of the pain you went through during your life, all because of a well-done documentary named “Amy”.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

July’s Questions For You To Ponder

Well we’re about to enter the month of August and I haven’t yet done the monthly spiritual questions for everyone to ponder. So here they are. I hope each of you will take the time to mull them over and maybe even share a few of your responses after you have. And as always, my own answers are listed below as well.

  1. If you had to start your entire life completely over again, how would you change how you lived?
  2. If you could say one sentence that the whole world would hear, totally understand, and follow, what would you say?
  3. If you were given a choice to live as long as you want, how long would you want to live?
  4. Who have been your biggest mentors in life?
  5. How do you express yourself creatively?
  6. What moves you to tears of joy the most in life?
  7. What are you most proud of so far in life?
  8. How have you given back to society in the past month (volunteer/etc.)?
  9. What risk would you take right now in life if you knew you wouldn’t fail?
  10. If you could control your dreams, what would you want to dream about the most?

And as always, one more for good measure:

  1. If you were going to turn over 100% of your free will to a Higher Power, what part would you be the most concerned about losing?

My answers:

  1. Total abstinence from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes, and complete avoidance of promiscuity.
  2. “Bless everyone with love, forgiveness, peace, and floodlight every single day, even those you might struggle with.”
  3. I’d want to live for as long as I knew I was still capable of helping others.
  4. Manin, Susan, Caryn, my Sister, my parents, Buddha, Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Thich Nhat Hanh
  5. Puzzles, writing, gardening, speaking.
  6. Nature.
  7. My recovery from all addiction and allowing myself to heal as much as I have 100% holistically.
  8. Sponsoring others in recovery, AA hospital committee, and recovery speaking engagements.
  9. I’m already doing it by trusting in my body to fully heal itself of all lower vibrational energies without any external aids.
  10. Seeing myself happy and joyful within and doing what my Higher Power wants me to do in life.
  11. My relationship with my partner.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson