Another Simple Thing We Might Take For Granted

It’s so easy to take for granted the things we rely so heavily upon every single day of our lives. My question for you is how often are you doing that?

In my case, take for example the use of my hands and fingers. I have two of them with all digits intact, which up until yesterday each were functioning quite well. But after spending over 8 hours outside putting up Christmas decorations with temperatures hovering in the single digits and wind chills in the minus range, that changed entirely. Since then, my right hand has been in incredible pain because of being over utilized while my muscles were in a mostly contracted state due to that freezing cold.

Now my right hand has become a constant reminder of one of those things I’ve relied so heavily upon but frequently took for granted. I really find it ironic how most of us probably depend upon something such as a hand with rarely even appreciating it, until the day comes, like it has for me, when it’s not working the way it normally does.

Now I am having to deal with tasks such as brushing my teeth, washing my body, opening a door handle, typing this article, pushing a plug into an outlet, twisting the top of a jar, or clenching my hand to do just about any action in an overly painful way or choosing not to do them at all. But I’m not upset today as I spiritually reflect on this because it’s given me another invaluable reminder in having greater gratitude. Gratitude for even the simplest of thing I usually rely quite heavily upon, like my right hand, and have taken for granted each and every day of my life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Holiday Blues

As each festive season begins, I always seem to find myself missing my deceased mother and father, as well as my grandparents. I’m not sure what it is about this time of the year, but I know there are many just like myself, who experience the very same thing, which I call the holiday blues.

While it’s been almost a decade now since my mother passed, and almost two since my father did, what I feel most during this time of the year is actually not any pain because they’re gone. Instead, it’s my longing for some of the warm family get-togethers we had way back then. Although my family was quite dysfunctional with our fair share of drama, the holidays were generally a time of the year where it was noticeably absent.

For Thanksgiving we travelled each year to my grandmother’s home in Glen Cove, NY where we’d spend a few days connecting with my father’s side of the family. Although my sister doesn’t share the same fond memories that I have of these trips, I treasure the recollections that remain in my brain of those few days we experienced once a year. Every morning I got to be greeted there by the delectable smell of freshly baked popovers and homemade oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins. During the day I’d get to play many tournaments of Ping-Pong in the basement with each of my family members. And during the evening, we’d all sit in the parlor playing various card or board games where laughter arose more than not. On Thanksgiving Day itself I’d spend hours watching the Macy’s parade in New York City until the moment arrived to consume the bountiful meal in the ornate dining room. Ironically, my sister still uses to this very day, the very same table where we ate each of those meals. And last but not least my father would take me on an adventure the day after Thanksgiving to a jewelry store nearby that had a bowl of cubic zirconia mixed in with a few real diamonds. Customers would get a single chance to reach in that bowl, and although I never won the real thing, it was still exciting to me, just as much as it was for me when we returned home to Poughkeepsie, when our Christmas decorating would promptly begin.

My father and I began that task outside where we would put up strands of those old large colorful bulbs along the gutters and bushes facing the street, while inside my mother and sister would adorn the house with the rest of the holiday décor. I loved smelling the scented peppermint candles they would place around the house or gaze at the carefully crafted wooden manger set they would display. We all helped to decorate the artificial tree, which consistently dazzled blue, since that was my mother’s favorite color. And nearby it was the louvers to the laundry room that would become the temporary home for the hundred plus holiday cards we received. But my two most favorite items included a candelabrum that when lit, would spin some angels around as each lightly struck some tiny bell, as well as a holiday tree calendar that each of us took turns day-by-day pinning an item on it until December 24th. And ironically, this is the one thing I still proudly display in my own home each year. When that eve before Christmas finally came, it was also a special time in my home because my mother’s side of the family would arrive from Houston, TX just in time to enjoy a Mexican feast that was always extremely delicious. I treasured that dinner as much as I did spending the rest of the night in the family room playing the piano and singing carols with everyone else. I also enjoyed leaving the cookies and milk out for Santa and staring at the base of our tree overflowing with so many presents as I went up to bed. I usually awoke early on Christmas Day as the smells of my mother’s famous egg bake wafted upstairs. When my sister and I were finally allowed to come downstairs, we were allowed to open our stockings, which always had plenty of goodies to eat or play with. The rest of the day consisted of eating a large breakfast, opening presents which would last an hour or more, and then playing with whatever new toys or games I received until our turkey feast was ready. And Christmas Day would end in the same way each year as I scarfed down a large piece of my mother’s famous Grasshopper Pie, which to this day, I’ve never had anyone be able to make it quite like her.

So as I sit here writing about each of these fond holiday recollections, I definitely do feel the holiday blues somewhat because of my missing my family and the good times I had with them during this time of the season. But I’m grateful that I do remember them though because I used to spend this time of the year thinking only of the pain and anger they brought me. I guess that just goes to show how much I’ve actually healed in my life and although I may have some of these holiday blues as I reflect upon all of this, I’m extremely grateful for the new family I’m building. It’s one that includes my partner Chris, as well as a few other loved ones from my life in recovery. With each, I’m creating new happy holiday memories now and it’s through them that I know I’ll be able to overcome any of those holiday blues.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’m An ENFJ, What Are You?

Have you ever done a Myers-Briggs assessment or some other type of personality test? The first time I ever completed one of them was back in my high school days, which seems like eons ago now. While I never put much thought into the four-letter result I received from doing it back then, I am now, but more on that in a minute.

I’m sure there are many who would probably say that personality tests don’t truly depict an individual accurately. For years I was definitely one of them. Answering a brief set of questions that took no more than 15 to 20 minutes and then getting a four-letter result that summarized my entire personality in a nutshell always seemed hard for me to believe in its validity. But that opinion totally shifted tonight when a little boredom drove me to complete several different versions of these tests online with each having their own unique set of questions. Ironically, the four-letter result I received in each case was the same as the one I originally got from that first personality test I took back in high school.

For those who don’t know what I mean by this four-letter result here’s how’s it’s broken down in any of these personality test results:

1st letter is either E (Extraversion) or I (Introversion)

2nd letter is either S (Sensing) or N (Intuition)

3rd letter is either T (Thinking) or F (Feeling)

4th letter is either J (Judgment) or P (Perception)

The four-letter combination I’ve received each and every time I’ve taken one of these personality tests has consistently been “ENJF”. What I find most fascinating by this is how much I really thought my personality has morphed quite a bit over the past few decades given the amount of things I’ve been through, as well as the spiritual growth I’ve undergone. But after reading the detailed description of an ENJF, I found it hard to refute.

I honestly don’t think it’s a bad thing though that I’ve gotten the same four-letter result time and time again from taking these personality tests. I guess it just stands to reason that maybe we do hold onto to a core set of personality traits our entire life no matter what the major life events we each may go through.

Regardless, I had fun re-taking these tests so I’ve included a few of the links for you to do the same if it possibly interests you. I’ve also included a full detailed description of what an ENFJ is if you want to know a little more about who I am inside, and just so you know, it does fit me to a T. Lastly, I decided it really doesn’t matter to me whether my four-letter personality test result ever changes in this lifetime or not. I think what’s truly important is that I continue to fully embrace who I am more and more everyday.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

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The links to a few personality tests:

http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

http://www.41q.com

A link to each of the 16 different personality descriptions:

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/portraits.html

The detailed description for an ENFJ:

As an ENFJ, you’re primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ’s main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ’s people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people’s skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ’s motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ’s are so externally focused that it’s especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life’s direction and priorities according to other people’s needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It’s natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people’s needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don’t sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ’s tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they’re likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they’re likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions, which they’re able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they’re not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly held value and serving another person’s need, they are highly likely to value the other person’s needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straightforward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything, which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don’t understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they’re forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They’re very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controlling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.