Category: Daily Reflection

“As Jesus walked along the shore of Lake Galilee, he saw two fishermen, Simon and his brother Andrew, catching fish with a net. Jesus said to them, “Come with me, and I will teach you to catch people.” At once they left their nets and went with him.” (Mark 1: 16-18)

I have often found myself pondering this Biblical passage, as it seems to come up quite regularly in my daily devotional readings. Was it really that simple? Did Jesus actually appear in the lives of these fishermen where they literally immediately abandoned what they were doing, their families, their livelihood, just like that, and proceeded to follow Him? Or was there more to this story? I honestly wish I knew, because I have a hard time believing it was that easy for them to instantly give up every part of their lives and start following Christ.

I’ve frequently tried to place myself in their shoes, or should I say their sandals, by picturing myself in my own gardens doing my day-to-day pruning, trimming, edging, etc., when out of the clear blue a guy with long hair and a beard abruptly appears on my sidewalk and says “Come with me, and I will teach you to catch people.” In all honesty, in light all the sickness I’ve witnessed over the years in my recovery from addiction, my first thought most likely wouldn’t be that this was Jesus incarnate. Rather, I’d probably be thinking this person might need some mental help. Yet, I’d also like to believe that Jesus would know I’d react that way ahead of time and would in all likelihood not only bring a level of peace with Him that I’d feel right from the start, but would totally know the precise words to say to me that would connect to my soul.

So, did the disciples really just give everything up and follow Jesus right from the start? It really doesn’t matter, because the end result is the same, they saw something in Christ they wanted for themselves and were willing to follow Him anywhere. And that is exactly what I hope I’d do if Christ were to ever appear before me and ask me to follow Him.

Dear God, I pray that I’m open to following You wherever You wish to lead me, for I know that wherever You do, it will be a far better path than any of the ones I’ve ever taken on my own free will in this life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been born blind. His disciples asked him, “Teacher, whose sin caused him to be born blind? Was it his own or his parents’ sin?” Jesus answered, “His blindness has nothing to do with his sins or his parents’ sins. He is blind so that God’s power might be seen at work in him.” (John 9: 1-2)

 For quite a long time now, I’ve been dealing with plenty of health issues and chronic pain where a number of religious folks have suggested over the years that maybe it’s all been due to me living in sin. In almost every case, the sin their referring to is that I’m gay and living with my same-sex partner. For the more tolerant and accepting religious folks though, there have suggestions that maybe that which I’m going through is due to some sinful thing that maybe my parents or those that came before them did. Every time either of these things get brought up as an answer to why my pain and suffering has gone on as long as it has, I’m brought back to this Biblical passage as a reminder of something that feels far more unconditional loving and caring.

First and foremost, I don’t believe being gay is a sin, as God doesn’t make mistakes and made me exactly as I am. And as I always mention, if I could choose my sexuality, it most certainly wouldn’t have been homosexuality in light of how terrible gay people still get treated these days. Second, being gay has actually on some level been a spiritual gift, because it’s helped me to experience life in a minority. Essentially, I understand so well now what it feels like to be persecuted on this planet, like plenty of other minorities have had to endure, and because of it, I’ve become a far more compassionate being to ALL walks of life. And lastly, I strongly believe that even though I’ve suffered in pain for as long as I have, that it’s being used for a far Greater purpose, one that still hasn’t fully come to fruition yet for God. What I do know is that it is through all this pain and suffering that I’ve been able to break free from a life of addiction and become a more selfless instead of selfish being as well.

Regardless, one day, I believe it will all become clear and you can be sure that like Job who suffered immensely, never because of his sin or anyone else’s for that matter, that God’s power will be seen through it all, where His unconditional love will be the thing that prevails.

Dear God, I may not fully understand why it is that I must suffer in such pain and anguish on so many days for as long as I have. Yet, somehow, I just know that all this blindness has been so that Your power might be seen at work through me, and for that I’m externally grateful to have been chosen for such a spiritual calling.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“His silence was part of the rescue…” (Lysa Terkeurst)

I read a devotional last week that was about a woman (Lysa Terkeurst) who woke up one morning with her insides feeling as if knives were mercilessly carving their way through them. She was rushed to the hospital immediately and being a devout follower of God, she began crying out for the pain to be taken away. It wasn’t and not for five excruciatingly long days. During each of them, she wondered where God was, wondered if God even saw what she was going through, and wondered whether God even cared. Eventually, the doctors ran one final test after finding nothing in any of the previous ones and discovered that the right side of her colon had ripped away from the abdominal wall and twisted around the left side. It had been in danger of rupturing and if it had, she would have gotten the relief she sought, but at the same time, that relief would have been an illusion, as her body would have turned septic and led to a quick death. When the emergency surgery was completed shortly thereafter the discovery of the source of her pain, the surgeon told her that the cells in her colon were already in a state of autolysis, which is where the brain has signaled the body to start self-digesting itself. In other words, it was in a decomposition state and what happens when one dies. Basically, she couldn’t have gotten any closer to death and the incredible pain she went through was what saved her life in the end. Had God answered her prayer and taken all her pain away, she most likely would have gone home, her colon would have ruptured there, her body would have turned septic and she would have died.

I found great inspiration from Lysa’s story. While I’ve never dealt with her level of pain that was great enough to warrant an immediate visit to the hospital, I have known pain to a level that has made my life a living hell. There have been countless days over the years I’ve suffered from it, where I have cried out to God, asking for it to be removed, only to receive silence over and over and over again. But maybe there has been a reason beyond my understanding for this? Maybe God’s silence has been part of my own rescue? While the circumstances may indeed be very different in regards to Lysa’s story and mine, I have been told more times than I can count from various practitioners, teachers, seers, gurus, and guides that the pain I’ve been experiencing is actually my body healing itself. For as much as that has been hard to believe and accept, something deep within me has told me to keep on trusting in that, even when I awake on most days, wishing for an imminent death. Living with chronic pain and not feeling like God has been answering my prayers or even listening to me, has led to an incredible test of faith, one that I honestly don’t know how I’ve lasted this long. Yet, I have. And somehow, I keep on believing that maybe, just maybe, God’s silence on the removal of my pain and suffering for all this time, has merely been to continue driving me on the path I’ve been on for healing. One that is bringing a much deeper healing from within, and one that will lead to a resolution that only God has seen will achieve the very end result that would never have been possible if God had answered any of my many cries for it all to be taken away.

Dear Lord, I struggle immensely every day now to keep going. With no relief in sight and no tangible answers to my pleas for relief, I have wrestled with my faith and wondered if You even care. Yet, I choose to keep on believing and to keep on trusting, that maybe, just maybe, your silence has been part of my rescue, and for that I only pray for the strength to not give up on You or this healing. Amen.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson