Category: God’s Mysterious Ways

Thank you for joining in to another entry of my series, God’s Mysterious Ways, where I write about things that may be more than just coincidences, where God may very well indeed have a hand behind it, which for today is for a friendly robin, who’s presence recently, during one of my weekly chores, may have also been a messenger hand-delivered by the Big Guy himself.

Just over a week ago, I was midway through my weekly mowing of both my yard and my neighbor’s when I noticed a robin was flittering around a few feet from where I was pushing the lawnmower. I didn’t pay much attention to it because honestly, I was deep in my head, feeling overly sorry for myself, like I have been more that not lately, mostly surrounding this pit of emptiness I continue to feel within. If there’s ever been a thorn in my side that’s been plaguing me, it’s this emptiness, an emptiness that stems from feeling like joy is a million miles away no matter how hard I try to find or create it.

Regardless, as that emptiness spilled over into me cutting my neighbor’s yard, I didn’t even notice that this robin had followed me over there. That was until I began to mow one line after another there, when this robin seemed like it was making a far concerted effort to get my attention. I’d push the mower in one direction where it stood almost in my path, when it was abruptly bound out of the way at the last minute and stand still a mere few feet from me. Frankly, it surprised me, as I’ve never seen any bird enjoy all that noise that emits from any lawnmower. After I mowed a few more lines, I decided to give the robin a friendly wave, after which I totally silly, telling myself I was imagining things. Even so, it remained with me for the duration of me mowing the neighbor’s front yard, at which no point was I even thinking that this was some messenger of God or one of God’s mysterious ways to communicate with me. I simply thought it was one brave robin.

Regardless, I then headed into my neighbor’s backyard, which was what I had left to finish out my weekly mowing task, when I suddenly had a random thought. What if this robin really was somehow a messenger from Source? I know that sounds funny, but at that moment, I was really desperate for a message of hope. As I began to mow that backyard, I had already cut a few strips when I said in my head, “Ok, God, if that robin really was from You, then have it come back into this backyard as I mow, and I’ll know it’s You.”  And wouldn’t you know, as I turned the mower around and headed back towards the house, there it was, staring at me while it fluttered about.

That robin would remain with me a few minutes longer, but when I finally acknowledged that maybe indeed God really did send this robin to me that day to remind me that He really is there, wouldn’t you know, it then flew away, leaving me with yet another interesting story to share with all of you, one that may just be another case of God’s Mysterious Ways…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

As I finish reflecting on my trip to my 30^th Alumni Reunion for the NY Theta Chapter of Phi Kappa Psi at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) through my writing, I thought it would be fitting to end with what I believe was another one of God’s mysterious ways that helped make my attendance to that reunion even possible.

I haven’t been back to visit my fraternity or my alma mater since the spring of 2014 mainly due to financial restraints in my life. Add in the distance I put between my fraternity and I over the years due to shame and guilt of where my life went and the reality I wasn’t even doing the career I went to school for anymore, nor had any paying job, I didn’t feel that attending any of the reunions was even practical for me. So, when I saw the 30^th reunion was coming up, I quickly dismissed any idea of going.

Four weeks away from it though, I randomly received a call from a brother on the alumni reunion planning committee, someone I barely knew who had been initiated long after I had graduated and moved away. He took the time to get to know me during the call and at the end asked if I was going to attend the 30^th reunion. I told him it just wasn’t in my budget, which he understood. I thanked him for the call and hung up grateful for the connection but sad over the distance I felt with the majority of my fraternity.

Not too long after his call, I decided to place a posting on our fraternity’s Facebook group. That action was solely precipitated after seeing a post from last fall where one of our brothers passed away tragically due to addictions and mental health issues. I wanted my brothers to know I too have faced much of the same thing so I poured my heart out, which at the end of it, I let my brothers know I wouldn’t be attending the 30^th reunion due to financial constraints.

That night, I sent a prayer to God, something so many often tell me they think is a pointless action and is just us talking to ourselves. While I do understand why they feel this way given how many times prayers often go unanswered, sometimes prayers are answered in very direct ways, as was the case with this one.

I simply prayed that if God wanted me to attend this 30^th alumni reunion of my fraternity, that He had to make it happen, as I had far too many reasons telling me why I couldn’t and shouldn’t go. I went to bed right after that prayer. When I awoke the next morning, I had a private message in my Facebook account from a brother I also didn’t know all too well and hadn’t spoken to in a very, very long time. In his message, he said he was moved by what I had shared our group’s Facebook page and that he believed God was leading him to pay for all my major expenses to attend the reunion. Because of the timeliness of his message, having uttered that prayer mere hours earlier before heading to bed, I honestly couldn’t refute that God does listen and does care.

Why other prayers don’t get answered, including the many health-based ones I’ve been muttering for years I don’t know. Why God answered this one, obviously wanting me to attend this reunion, I’m not sure if I know the depths to that answer either, but what I can say is that in attending this reunion, I was able to leave with both a rejuvenated feeling of reconnection to my brotherhood and closure to all my toxic and tainted addictive past that affected my relationship with so many of them for so long.

So, yes, I am quite thankful for seeing yet another one of God’s mysterious ways manifest in my life. Attending my 30^th Alumni Reunion of the NY Theta Chapter of Phi Kappa Psi at RIT has left me with many beautiful memories, some new friends, and a release from all the shame and guilt I had carried for far too long with a fraternity I truly love from the bottom of my heart.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The more I remain alive, the more I come to believe that there is a Higher Power out there. Up there? Around here? Ok, well, everywhere…that does listen…that does care. Yes, suffering happens. And I hate it. Oh, how I hate all the suffering from the pain I go through every day. I don’t know why God allows it nor do I know how to move beyond it. I wish I had the answers to both, but what I do know is that while I may not have felt God’s presence within me for a very long time, I continue to be reminded in strange ways that He’s still there.

Let me preface this by saying people often unfairly judge me. They think they know me. They believe what they see from their brief moments with me and label me with words I don’t think they’d ever want to be labeled by themselves. Words that feel like swords, always reminding me of my childhood where I constantly felt there was nothing I could do to be accepted and loved…by anyone. If people only knew how their words and their judgments impacted other souls when they flew from their mouths, maybe they might not send them outward. I’ve felt the impact of my own words, time and time and time again, enough to know now that words create tremendous pain and suffering, which brings me to where I was the other night.

Laying in my guest bedroom, I found myself sobbing and fearful, feeling abandoned by friends I thought who cared, and listening to all that craziness that sometimes exists up in our heads that tells us the worst of things. In my case, it was that no one truly cares about me and loves me unconditionally…that it would be better if I was dead. I’ve had those thoughts for most of my life, but God seems to provide me reminders from time to time that tell me how much that is a lie, especially when I least expect it.

So, as I lay there in the fetal position, living in all my self-doubt and self-shaming, loathing my existence, I suddenly received a text. It’s 11:30pm! Who the heck is texting me this late I thought? I look down at my phone and saw it was from one of my sponsees from my 12 Step recovery work. As I looked closer at the message, I began thinking they might need help, hence the late contact. I was wrong.

On my phone was a single sentence.

“Andrew, I just want you to know you are loved and I am so thankful for you…”

Mind blown.

It’s in moments like this where I really know that God is real. That message could have come in any other time and I would have just discounted it. Responded with a simple thanks. And moved on.

I often think I don’t feel God’s presence because of how high my pain levels are on most days. Maybe that’s why God keeps giving me those occasional strange reminders of His presence from others because He knows the pain is preventing me from feeling Him within me. Regardless, it doesn’t matter, as I’m here to tell you today that while we all may be frustrated at the constant pain and suffering in our world these days, that there is Something listening, watching, caring, and doing things we usually don’t understand. And they often come in the oddest of ways. Truly, even in my darkest of moments, when my best (or worst) of thinking tells me I don’t matter or that I should just check out, something comes shining into my life, always reminding me, don’t give up, you are loved.

I wanted to share this today because I know so many of us are doubting right now. Doubting God. Doubting ourselves. Doubting if life matters. Doubting if our life matters. Life sure is messy at times, painful, and frustrating as well, but through all of it, please know these words today, they’re coming from my heart, because my soul was moved, all by an action that I know came from God through another.

Hopefully my words today can help bring you a little of God’s presence as I finish by saying…

I love you…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson