Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the only expression in my writing to start my week off, which for today is for my 30^th Alumni Reunion of the New York Theta chapter of Phi Kappa Psi at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT).

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my hope for this reunion as I was holding great fear surrounding my toxic past that affected my relationship with my fraternity for a long time. I’m thankful to report how blessed I felt from this reunion and how connected I felt afterwards, the following is my gratitude to the brothers who made this truly special for me…

To Geoff Taylor, a brother whose heart runs deep, whose love for helping others and being a servant of God was more than prevalent through the entire weekend, and for helping me to see more of the positive side of life, I’m grateful for you.

To Chris Kay, a brother who has never given up on me, who has always believed in me, always supported me, and the only brother who makes me smile for being the only one taller than me!, I’m grateful for you.

To Brian Uhlin, a brother who showed me I’m loved by God even with having the tainted past I do, I’m grateful for you.

To Mike Van Bruinesse, Jay Williams, Eric Harrington, Tom Rehm, Phil Farchione, and Don Derrenbacher, six brothers who gave me amazingly huge hugs when they saw me, who each offered me many words of love, connection, and encouragement, I’m grateful for each of you.

To John Finter, Rob Parada, and Seth Gitner, three brothers who have remained incredibly active in our chapter for all these years, we wouldn’t have the chapter we have today or even have a reunion if it wasn’t for each of you, I’m grateful for each of you.

To John Hamblett, my pledge brother who spent much of the first day with me, treating me to an Indian meal and a Starbucks, reminiscing and laughing about the craziness during our undergraduate years and pledging days (“It’s making me do weird things!!!”), I’m grateful to you.

To Joel Feldman, a brother I have come to know over the years on a much deeper level, sharing a bond I don’t have with most, who spent time with me over coffee and during much of the weekend, reminding me of the good times we had together during our undergraduate days, I’m grateful for you.

To Daniel Sarata, a brother who has most assuredly helped me remain connected to our fraternity just by reading my blog and maintaining contact with me, who took the time at the barbecue to open up to me as he always does, sharing from his heart, and introducing me to his very spiritual and inspirational wife, those tears I shed there with you both were real, I’m grateful for you.

To Matt Christen, a brother who came long after I graduated that I met at the 20^th but really came to know at the 30^th, who spoke great words of wisdom with me, made me laugh A LOT, who truly has the kindest of heart, (and someone I’m definitely coming to in a zombie apocalypse with all those special set of hunting skills!), I’m grateful for you.

To Justin Steinhard, a brother who reached out to me personally on the phone prior to even coming to the reunion, letting me know I mattered to him, who checked in with me at every single event to make sure I was ok, and who did an incredible amount of work to make the reunion possible this year, I’m grateful for you.

To Craig Pettingill, a brother who took the time to introduce me to all of our family tree at the reunion, for helping to coordinate a huge family photo that I will always cherish, for the number of connecting conversations we had there and since I returned home, I’m grateful for you.

To Andy Molinaro, a brother who’s currently our chaplain, who reminded me so much of Jim Harmon, our chapter’s first chaplain, for playing a game of pool with me at The Landing Strip when I needed a double’s partner, and for spending time getting to know me and sharing about his life as well, I’m grateful for you.

To Bryan Takeuchi, a brother I continue to find great inspiration in, in the energy he carries, in the fatherhood principles he exudes, for continuing to follow the musings of my blog, and for the deep moments of connection I got with him prior to the reunion’s chapter meeting, I’m grateful for you.

To JaJuan Webster, a brother who shared with me a big hug, who helped me feel very much welcomed and embraced at the first event, and for sharing with me deeply on your career aspirations, I’m grateful for you.

To Greg Springer, a brother who has a story as deep as mine, for your open honesty on all the trials and tribulations you’ve faced in life, and for the hard work you’ve put into this weekend and our chapter in general, I’m grateful for you.

To Mark Butts, and all the other brothers who tagged along in my car to events, each of you reminded me why I always loved spending time on the road with my brothers way back when, talking and listening to music, I’m grateful for each of you.

To Trevor McClenon, a brother who although we only shared a quick hello during the weekend, reached out once I was home via messenger, who reminded me that the work I do in my 12 Step recovery often has blessings I may never know of, and has talked to me at length several times already, I’m grateful for you.

To Wade O’Brien and Jack Kalina, two undergraduate brothers who led much of the coordination of this reunion, for their leadership in general, and for the friendliness I had each time I talked to either of you, I’m grateful for both of you.

To Peter Radman, a brother who took the time to open up to me about his upcoming work in Croatia while roasting next to that blazing bonfire, I’m grateful for you.

To Greg Villafane, one of the newest brothers in my family tree, who I believe carries a level of energy that is destined for true leadership and greatness in this world, for learning you come from Glen Cove where my father’s family was from, and for really going out of your way to get to know me in a big way, I’m grateful for you.

And for all the rest of the attendees of this 30^th reunion who I hugged, shook hands with, spent time connecting with for the moments we did, no matter how brief, each of you are why I remain a loyal Phi Kappa Psi brother, I’m so grateful for each of you.

Brothers, I love you all and dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry to the 30^th Reunion of the New York Theta Chapter of Phi Kappa Psi, to our fraternity in general, and to each of you…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Because I don’t tune into the news much, sometimes it takes me a good while to hear about newsworthy spiritual content that I’d really enjoy sharing with my readers. Today’s expression of gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday is one of those that actually occurred a few years ago and deals with Derek Prue, a father from Alberta, Canada, and his then 8-year-old son Derek Jr.

When Prue noticed his son was constantly wearing a shirt whenever they were at the pool and learned it was due to his son’s self-consciousness and embarrassment with the large birthmark on his torso, Prue wanted to make a difference in his son’s life. So, Prue found a tattoo artist who could ink him with a very similar marking to his son’s, which ended up requiring over 30 hours of painful tattooing. While Prue received quite a bit of attention and praise from the news, friends, and social media surrounding what he did, he maintains the only motivation was to show his son how much he loved him unconditionally.

After I read the article about Prue and his son Derek Jr., I was deeply moved. Seeing the picture of Prue standing next to his son with them both proudly displaying their torsos and both grinning ear to ear, I looked for other examples of beautiful parental love actions like this. I was surprised to see a number of other parents did the same with actions that ranged from tattoos of their kid’s surgical scars to shaving their heads. All of this led me to thinking about one specific thing my father did for me before he died.

When I came out to my father in the summer of 1995, a time when sexuality was far more rejected in families than it is today, his response was something I’ll never forget. He told me that I could have said I had HIV and was dying of AIDS and that he would still love me unconditionally. Shortly after that he even joined a PFLAG meeting all to show his loving support of the new journey I had just embarked upon with my sexuality. While it was a rare unconditionally loving memory from my past with parents who were alcoholic and often showed actions saying otherwise, it’s this memory that I hold near and dear. This is precisely why whenever I give my 12 Step recovery presentations now, I ask who the parents are there. When any hands get raised, I make sure to always tell them the most important thing they can ever show their children is how much they are loved unconditionally and how proud they are of them just as they are. I’m thankful for that memory I have with my father, as I’m sure Derek Jr. is now of his father, because it’s that memory that will help a kid get through any moment in life they end up feeling unloved in a world that can often feel unloving.

So, I’m thankful to report on this story of Derek Prue and his son Derek Jr., someone I’m sure will grow up always remembering every time he sees his Dad’s chest now bearing the same birthmark as his own, how much he’s truly loved and embraced unconditionally. I dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to all the parents like Prue who have done similar actions in their lives all to show their children they are loved NO MATTER WHAT…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another entry in gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday! For today, I wish to express my gratefulness for what I’m about to achieve in just a few days, God willing, and that is passing a huge sobriety milestone in my S.L.A.A. program.

For those who aren’t aware of what S.L.A.A. is, it’s Sex and Love Addiction, a 12 Step recovery program that works the same steps as Alcoholics Anonymous. Sex and love addiction is something I battled with quite a bit in my 20’s and 30’s. But thankfully, a few months shy of my 40^th birthday, I finally began a true path of sobriety and recovery from an addiction that I felt did far more damage to my life than drinking and drugging ever did to me. And that’s probably only because the drinking and drugging part of my addition life spanned just six years, where I spent the majority of two decades living in toxic sex and love patterns.

Nevertheless, I’m just a few days shy of reaching my 10^th milestone where I’ll have been free from an addiction that I know would still be there if it wasn’t for the S.L.A.A. program and God of course. By the grace of both, I’ve been abstinent from pornography, infidelity, romantic obsession and attachment, and promiscuity for a decade and I have immense gratitude for this.

This addiction is insidious and often beckons me back into it, especially when my partner and I have had those moments where we find ourselves on opposite sides of the boxing ring so to speak. It’s time like that or times when my physical and/or emotional pain have gotten the best of me where my ego tries to tell me that some of my behaviors with this addiction weren’t so bad back then and provided me more comfort than pain. If I didn’t have my S.L.A.A. 12 Step meeting on Monday nights, my sponsorship work in that program, a decent list of recovering individuals to connect with from that program, and a strong recovery relationship with my Higher Power, there’s no way I ever would have achieved a decade of sobriety with this addiction.

While I have zero desire to go back to drinking and drugging and haven’t really been tempted to do either in decades, I can’t say the same with my sex and love addiction. I think the truth behind that is that sex and love is inherent to a human being’s nature, especially touch. While a person can live without alcohol and drugs forever with no issues, it’s been proven that human beings require human touch. But that innate craving can become quite warped when that pit within grows deeper. My sex and love addiction began with the simple desire to be touched and loved, something I didn’t get much of at all growing up. The toxic behaviors that came out of my sex and love addiction all stemmed from that feeling. It may not have started out so toxic, but it eventually became that way the more I allowed it to control me. It’s why I remain so devoted to a program that plenty from other 12 Step programs haven’t understood or haven’t wanted to understand because many struggle themselves with these types of behaviors and aren’t ready to face them yet.

Regardless, I dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to reaching a major milestone in my 12 Step recovery from sex and love addiction and thank the S.L.A.A. program and God for making that happen. Without both, I’m quite sure this addiction would have been the one to take me out of this world for good…but 10 years later, I can thankfully say I’m still here, doing my recovery, and heading into the next decade of sobriety from it and hopefully many beyond.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson