Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the beginning of every week, which for today is for knowing I don’t have to go to battle anymore and argue some point where instead I just can walk away.

Recently, when I was standing in my kitchen with a real estate agent that’s been helping Chris to sell his home, I made a comment to her expressing some of deepest fears surrounding the sale and an impending move. Chris didn’t like what he heard in my words and would unleash a rath of fury upon me in front of her, not only embarrassing me, but putting her in an awful position in the process.

When this happened, my brain immediately unsheathed its incredibly sharp sword, and I could feel my blood boiling over within me. How many times I’ve arrived to that very battle with Chris over the past 10 years and slashed that sword in his direction, doing my best to inflict the greatest of damage, is countless.

What I did this time though was a first. I remained silent. And when he finished demoralizing me in front of a woman I barely knew, I thanked her for her time, and walked away, heading back into my bedroom where I crumpled into a massive slew of tears and prayed.

The fact is, I don’t have the fight within me anymore and I’m most certainly have waved the white flag to God by fully surrendering. Going to battle with another, especially, one you’ve loved dearly for so long that got lost somewhere along the way never goes anywhere.

There is never a clear winner whenever two people who care about each other choose to go to battle and draw their swords ready to strike upon the slightest of thing. I learned that far too late in this relationship, as whatever depth of love I thought going to battle could bring back, the reality is, it never did.

I’m grateful today that I finally walked away from a battle that never would have had a clear victor and opted to choose my tears and ultimately God for comfort instead…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is the sole expression to start each of my week’s off in writing, which for today is for beginning something I’ve been avoiding for the better part of a decade now, that can only be credited to someone close to me that’s a rather new addition to my life who’s inspired me to overcome a fear I’ve placed in front of this massive task for a very long time, and that’s to start writing a book about all of my life’s experiences.

I’ve lost track of the number of times ever since I began doing motivational speaking in 2007 where people have told me I need to write a book all that I’ve been through. While I know I’ve been writing about my life in this blog, my truth is that the excerpts I place in here are simply that, they’re snippets. Even with the almost 10 years deep now I’ve been maintaining this blog and writing one unique expression of my life after another, I’ve never told ALL the stories of my life and shared ALL the pain I’ve endured.

Some of my stories are ones I just can’t seem to express. Some are just too painful. The life I’ve lived often feels far too painful to share to the whole as a while. But enter someone ironically enough named Andy, a guy who found a way to inspire me to become more than I’ve been by giving me the challenge to write one chapter to the next from my earliest memories on forward, and then sharing it line by line and chapter by chapter, reading it all to him.

At first, I balked at the assignment and made all the excuses I have before. I told him I’m not ready and said I’m still waiting on God for a sign to start. But I don’t like fear controlling me nor do I like when darkness of this world starts trying creep back in to a facet or crevice within my life, so I agreed one day recently to start the task, and presently I’m nine full chapters in.

It’s been a challenge that’s for sure, as many of the words I’ve written thus far I’ve never told a soul. Not one therapist, not one partner, and not anyone for that matter. I’m finally getting it all down, words that come from my heart of hearts, and ones that aren’t easy to tell.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, on this very day, I’m thankful for a guy named Andy who inspired me to be more to write something I’ve been avoiding for far too long, one that I know in the long run is exactly what I know God would have me do, one that one day will be shared with all of you too.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for my heart continuing to become more and more open and how that seems to be helping other souls along the way.

Honestly, I must say, opening my heart in this life has been so…very…difficult. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve allowed my heart to get trounced upon by one unhealthy person after another, all of which began with my parents long ago. While I believe the key to living a joyful life is through the heart, every time I’ve opened it up to someone, it’s inevitable that another dagger seems to get placed within it. Over the years, I simply began expecting this to happen when I met someone new mostly because rarely has anyone ever shown me unconditional love, save the exception of my friend Cedric who taught me in my 12 Step recovery a lot about living in the heart. Then add in the amount of abandonment issues I’ve endured with so many abrupt and tragic losses, I just learned to live a life where it was easier to have my heart more closed than open, something that left me in a flurry of addictions to cope with the numbness it created within.

Recently, that has begun to change dramatically though, as I have been sitting with the emptiness, waiting in the silence, spending great amounts of time alone, withdrawing from countless slippery-slope behaviors and friendships that weren’t healthy for me, and having far more conversations with my inner child and with God. All of this seems to be opening my heart greater and greater, which in the process, has been opening doorways to spiritual gifts within me I didn’t even know I had. Gifts that seem to be helping others get in touch with their heart and true feelings as well.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been contacted by several people who really needed a friend, a friend that wasn’t going to judge them, give them advice, preach, lecture, or control the situation they were going through. Old closed-heart Andrew would have done any of those things, or pretty much all of those things. But new open-hearted Andrew, the one who is becoming far more aware of the hearts of others now, I cried with each of these individuals, allowing myself to feel what they were feeling, even getting images of the very painful things they were facing. And for those brief moments of life, those hurting individuals didn’t feel so alone, as they felt a heart connect to theirs with unconditional love, something that can only come from having a heart more opened than closed.

So yes, I am truly grateful that I continue to work on opening my heart more and more every day now, as I find the experience is helping me see the world in a way I never did before. A way that is showing me how I can really help others who are suffering to know they aren’t alone, which in the process, continues to help me open more to God and to the life I’ve always wanted to have with Him.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson