Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Thank you for checking out today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry, where gratitude is my only expression in my writing, which for today, albeit a brief one, does not represent any less of how truly grateful I am for those friends and loved ones who remained in my life through my many addiction years and are still there now.

Sadly, a life of addiction took many beautiful people from me who I once loved dearly, all because I became so totally incapacitated from one addiction after another, where each prevented me from showing them how much I truly loved and appreciated them. My addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, and romantic pursuits over the years consistently led to the loss of one friend after another that once stood loyally by my side with plenty of love and support. Thankfully though, a few did remain, even through all the pain and anguish my addictions caused them.

My sister Laura, my best friend Cedric, my dear friends Dexter, Louie, Marvin, Debbie, Scott, and my recently departed friend Keith are the loyal few who each endured the insanity my addictions brought upon their life and still loved me nonetheless enough to stick around. Sometimes I’m amazed they did, given all the selfishness I once exhibited from my addictions and the incredible pain that caused them.

Addiction truly caused a mass exodus from my life and tends to usually do so to anyone’s life when addiction becomes the center of their existence. And the longer one succumbs to an addiction, the lonelier the addict generally becomes as even the most loyal of friends and loved ones tend to walk away when the pain of sticking around gets great enough.

That’s why I’m so thankful for Laura, Cedric, Dexter, Louie, Marvin, Debbie, Scott, and Keith, as each were there for me time and time and time again over the years, even when I really didn’t deserve it. I’m so thankful they are all still there for me today, including Keith who remained by my side up until the day he died.

I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully repay the debt of gratitude I have for each of you for the faith you kept in me even when I didn’t have any of that in myself. I love each of you incredibly for that and dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday for always remaining by my side even when my former life of addictions caused everyone else to leave…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is always my only focus of my writing, which for today is for something I can’t believe I’m actually going to say, and that’s for having contracted COVID.

As I sit here and write this, it’s the 9^th of January, 2021, and I’m now seven days deep into having this virus rampage my entire health system. At first, I was pretty angry with God that I had contracted COVID. Beyond the Fibromyalgia and other physical pain issues I’ve had endure for over ten years now, getting sick hasn’t been a problem for me. In fact, I’ve been physically ill with the flu only twice for two days or so and can’t even remember having caught a cold once. Which is why when COVID came around, I didn’t take it as serious as I truly needed to.

Initially, I wrote blog articles about how I was going to continue on with my life, doing my best to help others, and not worry about this virus or the masks. I was very cocky in my words and should have caught sight of that when I lost a number of friends on Facebook during the spring time frame when I published those articles. I also acted very egoistical about this virus when I expressed disdain over my therapist’s decision to go virtual and then to put a piece of plexiglass between her clients and her when she returned. And to think of the number of conversations I had with her where I expressed more anger for what COVID took away from my life rather than compassion for those who’ve suffered from it, I’m most certainly ashamed. Maybe even more so because I was also one of those who said quite often that COVID is just a bad case of the flu and if I get it, I get it. I’m eating those words now.

Yet I’m grateful I have this virus.

Why?

Because it’s very much humbled me. And I needed to be humbled when it came to this global pandemic. I needed to feel the helplessness and hopelessness that comes during the thick of having this virus. I needed to feel just how much this isn’t a flu at all. It’s something much more, and much worse and nothing I’ve ever experienced before in my entire life when it comes to getting sick.

I have great compassion now for those who’ve suffered from COVID where before I didn’t, understanding now over how serious this virus actually is where before there was only an air of ignorance, and overall an apologetic heart to everyone I discounted in the last ten months during their conversations with me about this illness. I was wrong, way wrong and I dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday for having gotten such a huge ego check and humbling moment in my life, one I’m still going through each day as I continue struggling to breathe, shaking from this never-ending fever, and throbbing from this head pain and pressure that is beyond description.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude continues to be the focus of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for the friends who helped my partner Chris and I take down all our holiday decorations.

My partner presently has a very sore back. He’s due to undergo the knife in a few weeks to remove some bone spurs that are affecting a bundle of nerves radiating down his legs. He’s struggling to lift anything now, let alone walk for even the shortest of distances. Typically, he and I in past holiday seasons have spent a good day or two taking down all the festive decorations we put up, but given my own health limitations and combining in his own now, for what was already a very arduous process in years past was looming over us as an even greater one.

Thankfully, our friends Denise, Jeremiah, and Kyle lent their hands in the matter and helped Chris and I take down what originally took us close to 40 hours to put up. All in all, the entire clean-up process took the five of us only 6 hours of time, which left me feeling exceptionally grateful, especially because I’ve been feeling so very down and disconnected over the past ten months or so, continuing to believe a lie that no one cares about helping anyone anymore.

And while Chris and I always feel that higher level of energy and excitement that comes from putting all the holiday decorations up as it gets done over the course of several weeks prior to Thanksgiving, we always have this sense of dread looming over us when the end of the festive season nears, as to when we’re going to have to put the time aside to take it all down. In year’s past, sometimes we left the decorations up well into late January because of this.

Last year, we pushed ourselves to get it done on New Year’s Eve and Day and even with the help of one person extra last year, it took every bit of steam out of us. But this year, the process didn’t feel overwhelming at all, as Chris organized everything quite well from the chair he sat in, while Denise, Jeremiah, and Kyle fully supported me in all the physical tasks, especially with much of the heavy grunt work.

So, with much love and gratitude, I’m dedicating today’s Grateful Heart Monday to our friends Denise, Jeremiah, and Kyle for helping to end our holiday season with a much lighter feeling. I truly feel supported because of this and that alone is most definitely something to have much thankfulness for.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson