Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where expressing a slice of gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of each week, which for today is for all the people who know and do their best to practice the art of holding space, which I tend to believe is the best form of support for those who’ve been going through pain and suffering for a long time in life. And for all those as well who responded with love to a posting I placed on Facebook a few weeks ago that dealt with this very thing, which was written as follows:

“Sometimes what your friends really need the most ISN’T advice, or suggestions, or reminding you there are people out there far worse, or telling you to focus on the gratitude in your life. Sometimes what you friends really need the most IS to know they aren’t alone in a world that often feels alone to them, which isn’t being codependent or needy, it’s simply being unconditionally loving, something this world is lacking in greatly right now in my humble opinion…” 

I’ve come to witness over the many years I’ve been going through a life that isn’t a pleasurable one whatsoever that most don’t know how to be there for someone like me, someone truly struggling with life circumstances out of their control no matter how much effort is placed into trying to change them. Most people think that offering advice, suggestions, reminding you of others suffering far worse, or telling you to focus more on gratitude is going to help and maybe even cheer the suffering person up somehow. The only person who’s typically cheered up by saying such things though is the one offering it, because the person receiving it tends to have already had plenty of that thrown their way for a very long time, most of which never having helped change any of their circumstances.

This is why I’m very thankful for the few who practice the art of holding space. The basic definition of this technique is to be present with someone, without judgment. It means you donate your ears and heart without wanting anything in return. It involves practicing empathy and compassion. You accept someone’s truths, no matter what they may be, and put your needs and opinions aside, allowing someone to just be. And most don’t know how to do this. Rather, they lean towards trying to fix or solve the crisis in front of them that is their friend.

I am so thankful to have a few people in my life who don’t try to fix me because I’m not broken, I’m hurting. And when I hurt to the level I do on most days, the last thing I need from someone who says they are my friend is their advice, judgments, reminders of others suffering worse, or told to be more grateful. Even worse is when someone just tells me to suck it up and get over it. None of this is ever helpful because none of it ever helps me to feel truly loved and supported.

People tend to think that they can somehow alter a person’s suffering by offering some form of advice, except it’s really nothing more than a judgment. Yet there are those who have discovered this art of holding space and the benefit it brings to those deep in despair. Many of them have become excellent nurses, counselors, and helpers in things like hospice care. My therapist in Toledo is an excellent holder of space for me and has made room for me to fall apart in her office without advice or judgment countless times. I’m sure some of you reading this carry this gift as well and it’s a priceless gift when offered to people like me, who are suffering immensely.

And as I said in my Facebook musing, holding space for someone isn’t being needy or codependent, it’s simply being unconditionally loving, and sometimes that’s as simple as just listening to a person and letting them know you care by NOT responding with some piece of advice or judgement when they’re done and instead offering a hug and saying, “I love you and do care.”

So, for those who appreciated my little Facebook blurb on this subject, and those who do their best to hold space for others who have been long in pain and suffering, I am truly grateful for each of you and dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to all of you. Because when I’m in the lowest of lows, which seems to be quite a bit these days, it’s each of you that has helped me to keep going for one more day, something that advice-givers, tough-love offerers, and those who think I should just suck it up, accomplish the exact opposite, leading me only into greater despair and away from having any heart connection with them.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another entry for my Grateful Heart Monday series on my blog, TheTwelfthStep, where gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for all those who carry the trait of believing everyone is filled with good and focus first on the positive traits they see in others, rather than the negative.

It’s so easy to focus on the negative traits we see in others, and when that is done repeatedly, it becomes harder and harder to ever see any positive or any good in an individual. I inherently believe that everyone is filled with positive and good traits and that somewhere along the line the downsides of life begin to cause us to fall away from emanating that. But, even when this happens, I tend to feel that there is always positive and good in even the angriest and most resentful of souls and I most certainly work hard to find that, praising people for even the smallest of positive qualities, rather than choosing to point out any glaring negative traits.

There are many out there who continue to point out my negative traits, refusing to see that there is any good in me. While I do have number of negative traits I’m still working on healing, there is plenty of good in me today, far more than when I was an active addict. But there are those who believe I’ll never be a good person and will always be that addict they once knew and continue to point out every time I make a mistake, rather than focus on any of my positive actions and good qualities within me. While I inherently know those who do this are blinded by their own negative energies they haven’t released within and choose to see those negative traits within me instead, I’m thankful for those who do the exact opposite and remind me of the good they see in me, especially on those days when I’m really down.

I am thankful as well for those who do this regularly with others, who go through their days complimenting people, praising individuals, lifting them up, even those who might be considered by the masses to be people to avoid due to their negative energy. One thing I’ve always loved about Christ’s story was how he helped those that no one else wanted to and that no one else believed was worth saving. If it wasn’t for a few individuals in this world who always saw the good in me and focused on my positive traits, I probably would still be deep into addict behavior. It’s why I now return the favor, always on the lookout for the positive and good in even the most difficult of people I come across, even those who often yell first and express judgment and anger more than not. Because even they have plenty of positive and good in them, it’s just buried, yet my quest is to find it and shed more light onto it, just like others have done with me over the years.

Always looking for the positive and good in each other, I believe this is a strong spiritual trait to have, and one I feel represents a true Christ love and the message Christ did his best to portray throughout his life. It’s a trait I seek to exude myself every day, and while I often find myself coming up short in that task, as I’m sure many of us do, I’m thankful and dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday for all of us who keep trying, who keep doing our best to focus on the good in others and not the bad, and on the positive rather than the negative. We all have positive and good in us, we just need to take a moment to find it, as it’s always there…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday entry where gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for Bobby Anspach, a friend to many, including me, who passed away far too soon in this world just a few weeks ago, at the young age of 34.

When I learned about Bobby’s tragic passing from his brother Michael, I was devastated, not just for the entire Anspach family, a family I have grown to care greatly for and close to in recent years, but also for the world losing yet another amazing individual far before they really ever got the chance to show the world just how amazing they were.

In the brief time I came to know Bobby, what I learned first and foremost was that he had a heart of gold who truly cared about everyone he spent time with. When you spoke to Bobby, it was as if he was reading your soul with his crystal blue eyes, and I always felt a warm presence and glow emanating through them, one that consistently felt extremely welcoming.

Bobby was also the type of guy who frequently wanted to help others and be of service to those who asked for his help. I think it was just in his nature to be of support to those in need, as was overly evident in his life, even with me when I asked him once for assistance with a speaking engagement, which came one Thanksgiving a few years ago. Then, Bobby had come home to spend time with his family, and I asked if he would take some time out of it to come speak at my weekly 12 Step volunteer commitment. There was no hesitation whatsoever and he gladly was of service, something many others besides me saw of him throughout his life. And I must say that whenever Bobby spoke, even that day at that weekly commitment, it was always done with plenty of passion and compassion, enough so to captivate anyone in attendance.

I think what I also loved about Bobby was his sense of humor and his ability to enjoy life in the moment. The last time I saw Bobby was at his brother Michael’s wedding. There he spent much of it careening around the dance floor, truly living it up, as if there wasn’t a care in the world. Bobby always did his best to live life like that, to the fullest really, and that energy he carried was so infectious, that it often drove many others, including me, to try to do the same.

Bobby Anspach was just that type of guy you would have liked from the onset of meeting him, who constantly seemed to smile from ear to ear and was never afraid to give you the warmest of hugs. His love and affection for people in general was very strong, so much so that he often pulled someone out of the lowest of places and moods, easily turning a frown to a smile, and sorrow into laughter. This was more than evident at his Celebration of Life that came a few weeks after his passing.

There, it was obvious how many he had touched throughout his brief time on this planet, as the event drew well over a hundred people, all who had much to say in support of him. Listening to the personal testimonies there of those he grew closest to in his life and learning about the many other talents he had that I had never really got to see, including his gift with art, I found myself wishing I had gotten to know him far more than I did.

Regardless, I am so thankful on this Grateful Heart Monday, for even the brief moments my path walked side by side with Bobby, as during each of them, I got to know another beautiful child of God who shined incredibly brightly during his limited time here. I will miss you Bobby Anspach, and I hope my path may cross yours again one day, may you be at peace with God now, I will always love you my dear friend.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson