Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

Why is there so much negativity on social media?

That’s something I’ve really been wrestling with a lot lately. And I do mean a lot.

Often, I feel like I’m on the fence with removing all social media and just maintaining my blog and personal website and nothing more because of all the negativity. But, I stay connected to Facebook, Google Plus, and Twitter still for one reason and one reason only, and that’s to repost my blogs, hoping that it helps to reach more readers who may get something out of my spiritual journey. Yet, as I say that, I experienced something recently that made me wonder if it’s worth it to remain on social media anymore.

I had asked a question to ponder that was simply a follow up to an article I had posted the previous day about a former gambling addiction I had and how I got a great reminder of why I don’t gamble anymore. The question was brief, asking readers what was the most amount of money they had ever lost gambling on something. The first response I got was from someone who asked why I was even asking such a question and then told me I had too much free time on my hands and should go get a job. The second response I got was from another who thought the question was a little too negative and suggested other questions that might be a little better to ask.

When I responded to both, I was honest and had love in my heart by saying that my questions to ponder are never written in negative energy and are only meant to engage people to consider in their own lives the things they might have learned along the way from poor decisions in their past. I also said that maybe if my question didn’t interest a reader in the future that maybe they could just refrain from responding and only comment positively when it did. Because in all honesty, I really need uplifting feedback in my life right now with the level of pain I keep going through and am not looking for constructive criticism, as that only seems to add to my level of pain.

Nevertheless, the very problem with social media is this notion of leaving constructive criticism, which in my understanding is nothing more than one’s opinion and judgment that’s often weighted in negative tones. And a long time ago, when Facebook first came around, I was one of those who constantly left constructive criticism to people’s postings, which only led to plenty of stress and arguing in the digital realm, and of course, a lot more negative energy.

That’s why my rule of thumb with social media these days is to only hit the “Like” button when I relate, connect, or identify with what’s being said. The same goes for commenting. I’ll only leave one when I want to show my positive support, but if I disagree or have an opinion that’s not in alignment with it, I don’t say anything and either keep it to myself or channel that energy into a blog article like this one, where I’ll look for the positive lesson in it all.

And while I agree that social media is a great tool to get information out there for many others to see and something that’s pretty good in connecting people together from the far corners of the planet, it’s also rapidly becoming, if not already become, a dumping ground for all the world’s problems and negativity.

It seems like every time a famous person has a slip of the tongue and says something that’s in poor taste, it immediately gets sensationalized with such negativity in social media that one negative comment is followed after another through countless postings. It’s so frustrating and precisely the reason why I don’t follow anyone on Facebook anymore, nor have a news feed to read.

I just don’t understand why we can’t all just be a little more positive on social media? Why can’t we leave postings that are more slanted to the positive realm and refrain from commenting when we don’t agree with something?

I believe the answer can be summed up in one word, ego.

It’s the ego that feels the need for constructive criticism. It’s the ego that feels the need to argue a point. And it’s the ego that often lives in a negative realm.

Frankly, I’m doing everything I can these days to let my ego die, as it’s my ego that lavished in all that negativity and constructive criticism and arguing points for years, but to what end? To be in a body now that’s riddled with pain, hurting every day, wondering when life will ever feel better again. Trust me, living in all that ego wasn’t healthy for me on any level, as it drove me totally away from God, which is why I choose nowadays to only use social media with positive intentions.

Nonetheless, I still treasure all of my readers on Facebook, even the ones who don’t agree with what I write about. I only pray they understand that I’m looking to create a world of positivity through my writings, including in the comments I receive, as the negative ones only discourage me from doing the very thing that had one intention when I began it. To add more Light into a Universe that’s constantly having to battle against the growing negativity of things, like the growing negativity of social media…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Why does God allow suffering? That’s a question so many would like to know the answer to, especially those who have gone through a lot of it in their life. I honestly wish I had the true answer to this question, given that I’ve been suffering myself with chronic pain issues for some time now.

How I’m currently handling this question is not something that seems to work for others, as I ultimately believe that I made a contract with myself before I ever came into this life. One where I was meant to go through this very suffering I’m going through now, solely to help raise my spiritual vibration.

Look, I know that might sound preposterous, but really, if you knew me just over six years ago and any year before that dating back into my late teens, then you would see how much of a transformation I’ve gone through already that wasn’t happening before I began dealing with this pain. As prior to this, I lived in a constant state of addiction with someone or something. I also was always manipulating, lying, controlling, scheming, and lacking in compassion, generosity, and sensitivity for anyone going through tough times.

Except that’s all different now, and all that has come through this suffering. But do I enjoy suffering? Hell no, with a strong emphasis on the word Hell, because it often feels like I’m living in Hell these days. Yet, somehow, I care a lot more about people now. I consider other’s needs, wants, and desires ahead of my own more than not. I let life going on around me happen so much more than how I used to try to control every second of it. I tell the truth all the time, even when it hurts. And I don’t have constant hidden agendas anymore either.

This suffering really has changed me. Greatly.

It’s opened a heart within me that was closed for years and helped me to become more respectful not just of people, but also of nature and all the animals and creatures that live amongst us. In fact, I often try to rescue many of them that come into my house now, by escorting them outside in a glass, rather than stomping on them, like I used to do in the past. And as hard as it is for me to admit this, suffering has transformed me from being a guy who once threw a duck’s nest and all its eggs back at the duck in anger, only because it was on my property, to someone whose heart now grieves at the thought of ever doing something like that again.

Yes, I was that type of guy before this suffering.

And prior to this round of suffering, I went through plenty of other sufferings too, like when my father committed suicide, or when my mother drunkenly fell down the stairs to her death, or when I was molested at 12 by a man thirty plus years my age, or when I was bullied throughout most of my grammar school years, or when I lost my business, my home, and an incredible amount of money along with it, and so on and so forth.

So yes, I’ve had my share of suffering in this life and have often asked why an unconditionally loving God would allow me to go through so much of it. Because honestly, in the midst of all these sufferings, life has generally sucked. But through each of them, I always seem to draw much closer to God, which in turn has led me to much greater spiritual growth.

So, why do I think God allows suffering? Well, while one of my friends has said it’s because God is a sadist and gets off on seeing people suffer, I choose to believe that God knows the person I’m going to become on the other side of my suffering is a much better version of myself. And maybe, just maybe, it’s also because I actually planned it for myself prior to ever coming into this life, knowing it was precisely what I needed to go through, to become the brighter, higher vibrational soul I absolutely wish to become.

And consider this as well. If God prevented all of our suffering, would we ever become grateful for what we have, given that our ego would never go through any pain? And for that matter, would we even have any desire at that point to seek something Greater than ourselves to guide our lives, because wouldn’t our ego’s be just fine in guiding ourselves?

I think those are definitely some better questions to consider, rather than why does God allow suffering. Because suffering is something that really has made me become a person I like, and one that others like too, which is a far cry from who I used to be before all this suffering began, as then hardly anyone really liked me the more they got to know me, including even myself…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Parting is such sweet sorrow for me every time someone I’m close to heads home after a visit. The fact is, I don’t do well with goodbyes at all and haven’t for quite some time.

I’m sure it has a lot to do with some abandonment issues that stem from my parent’s early deaths. I’m also convinced it’s tied to the reality that I have very few people in my life I consider myself extremely close to. And, it most likely can be attributed as well to the emptiness and loneliness I continue to face in life due to the limitations I have from my ongoing health issues.

I clearly remember when this feeling first began, as it was right after my father had committed suicide and my mother had come for a visit. I can still see her passing through the inspection area at the airport on her way home, turning around and waving, wondering if this might be the last time I ever see her again, tears falling from my eyes in the process. When she died tragically a number of years later, still relatively young, that feeling only intensified each time someone parted ways with me after spending an extended amount of time together.

Once both of my parents were gone, I stopped allowing people to get close to me. Truth be told, I pretty much kept everyone at arm’s length at that point other than three people: my best friend Cedric, my sister Laura, and the person I was in a committed relationship with. Over the years though, I’ve worked through much of those abandonment issues and started opening up a little more. For a while, things definitely changed for the better and I noticed I wasn’t as sad when people close to me left after a visit. Unfortunately, when the chronic pain issues of my life kicked in, I started to withdraw again and have been ever since.

My pain has caused me to isolate, not so much by choice, but by the reality of my current state of life where it’s hard to be doing much of anything, especially with people who aren’t hurting and don’t understand what I’m going through.

That’s why it was so difficult for me yesterday when my best friend left in the early afternoon, after his week-long vacation to my home here in Toledo, as he understands what I’m going through more than most. My tears began to fall during our last hug and didn’t stop falling for a good hour after he had actually driven away.

Yet, as I sit here and type these words, still feeling sad, I don’t think it’s all about my best friend’s departure. Rather, I’m beginning to believe it’s more about where I’m at in my life presently and how far away it feels like God is to me right now. And that has nothing to do with any of my own actions, as I do a ton of spiritual work every day hoping it may help me draw closer to God, except my pain often seems to block that from happening.

But somehow, when Cedric or Laura come for a visit, some of those blockages feel like they fall away, and it’s then I experience a little bit of God’s light back within me. This is probably why their parting becomes so sorrowful for me once their gone because not only am I missing them, I’m also missing that little bit of God I felt for the brief moments I did.

Nevertheless, that emptiness that’s generally created with their departure is something I used to immediately fill with addictions in my past. I usually did whatever I could to numb myself from this sadness and loneliness, almost immediately after they left. But this time, I’m choosing to do things differently. I’m choosing to just sit with it uncomfortably, and ask for God to fill that void instead with Him. Because ultimately, I know that when I’m filled with God’s presence, I tend to feel joy, even when those close to me in heart are now far away.

So, although parting really is such sweet sorrow for me at the present time, especially with my best friend now back at home some 700 miles away, I remain grateful for the joyful memories we created this past week. But even more importantly, I’m also grateful for the fact that I’m looking to God now to help me through this emptiness, and not some other person, place, or thing, as looking outside of myself to fill this void will only ever lead to the very thing I’m looking for God’s presence to take away…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson