Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

I was diagnosed a long time ago with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which is typically characterized with behaviors that are just that, obsessive and compulsive. For a very long time I looked at OCD as a totally bad thing because it was yet another medical illness that was placed upon me. But as I’ve grown more spiritual in my thoughts, words, and actions in recent years and did a lot of work around the totally unhealthy obsessive and compulsive behaviors, I’ve come to see that being OCD is actually not a bad thing at all.

For starters, I’ve already mention in a previous blog entry how I enjoy going out into my yard on most days and picking up any debris that’s there. Sometimes this takes hours out of my day and many would probably deem this behavior to be definitely OCD. Yet I find it spiritually healthy and healing for me to focus on that task and in the end I always feel much better when I’m done.

Another good example of this would be my attention for cleanliness around the house and with my car. I’m always making sure I keep both completely uncluttered and here too, this could be deemed to be an obsessive compulsive behavior. Yet every time I do this task, I never find myself getting sick, upset, or feeling worse after completion.

Lastly, I had a very recent example of how having OCD helped me immensely. It dealt with setting up a new HP printer and a new Apple computer. In both cases, I logged many hours in a row configuring and working out the kinks with each to get them both fully operational. I’m sure many would say that’s absolutely obsessive compulsive, but for me I felt pretty damn good after both were up and running.

The fact is, none of these examples have ever made me feel sick and unhealthy and ironically, I used to take some heavy medications to deal with my OCD. Today, I’m not taking any, as I’ve done a lot of work around identifying which obsessive compulsive behaviors are healthy and which ones are not. And the best way I’ve found how to do that is to see how I feel during and after some task I immersed myself in for a good number of consistent hours. Simply put, when I feel lousy, I take it that it’s not a healthy one for me to be doing, but when I feel great, I take it that it’s something that is healthy for me to keep doing.

The point I’m trying to make is that I believe OCD is one of those diagnosis that can be taken in many different ways. I spent many years believing it was a curse I inherited from my parent’s genes. But as I did a lot of therapy, recovery work, holistic healing, meditation and prayer, I’ve come to believe it’s not a bad thing at all to have.

I often think that if I didn’t have OCD, my yard would end up being a pile of debris, my house and car totally dirty, and equipment around my house would never function quite well. This is why I honestly feel it really just comes down to how I choose to look at a diagnosis, because in the end, isn’t a diagnosis just that, a diagnosis. It’s not who I am, it’s only how I choose to look at it…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I never thought a spiritual message for the healing I’ve been going through would come from my cat Driggs, but I honestly think one has.

Driggs was injured near the end of September during a routine grooming appointment. At first, neither my partner nor I even knew she had sustained an injury from it. But during the week afterwards we began noticing her constantly lick a certain area of her underbelly. Upon closer inspection, it was then we noticed the raw razor-burned area.

Sadly, she had no idea that her own innate attempts at self-care was only making matters worse and aggravating the entire wounded area. To prevent this from happening any further, we ended up getting one of those kitty cones that go around a cat’s head, as well as an anti-itch powder to put on twice a day. Initially, she was quite angry, running around the house bumping her head into everything and doing her best to rip the cone off to no avail. Eventually she did come to acceptance of the matter, albeit in some constant level of depression. Since then, the wound has mostly healed and the small scabs remaining are about to fall away. And within a short time, her cone will be taken off and life will return to normal for her. While she may not know that at the present moment, the fact remains that her wounds are healing and her joy is about to return. It’s only that for a time, her healing and her life had to be taken out of her control.

I feel that this resembles so much of the healing my Higher Power has been taking me through these last few years. On some level, I truly believe I had my own cone put on me when this all began all those years ago, because every attempt I kept making at self-care back then was only leading me into deeper pain and misery. As for the anti-itch powder, well my Higher Power has definitely provided me various things along the way to help ease my healing process using modalities such as acupuncture, reiki, polarity, and kinesiology. There is so many days that I too feel a ton of depression about the cone that’s on me, but in all reality, I somehow know it’s only temporary, just like it is for Driggs.

So while I know that Driggs wounds are going to fully heal and life will return to normal for her in a short bit, I feel it’s safe to say that my Higher Power knows the same of mine as well. While mine might have taken far longer than a razor-burned underbelly to heal, the reality is that they will completely mend, as long as I trust that the cone I have on me is there for my protection.

I think I just needed a reminder of this from my cat to see that sometimes our own attempts at self-care aren’t necessarily the best. And instead, maybe the solution that’s far better is to trust in the care of our Guardian who knows exactly how to safely get our wounds to fully heal. I believe my Higher Power is precisely doing that with me right now and soon my own cone will be gone too. And when that days arrives, I will without a doubt be bouncing around again with joy just like I know my cat will be when hers is gone as well.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Growing up Christian I often prayed and talked to Jesus. In fact, I’d say I had a pretty close relationship with him. But as I grew up into an adult and began to see how fellow Christians frequently were persecuting their own all in the name of Jesus I started to draw away from him. I became so disillusioned with this persecution, some of which that directly impacted me that I fell away from him completely. While I did still maintain some sort of a connection with God through all those years, I consistently kept a very biased attitude towards Jesus and can honestly say I never talked or prayed to him. Lately though, all that seems to be changing.

Before I get into why, let me first say that what I learned as a kid about Jesus is that he is the great comforter. All the stories I’ve ever read about Jesus have always portrayed him as a very compassionate teacher and healer, two specific traits I aspire to become myself in this lifetime. Yet through all the pain I’ve been enduring for the last few years, I found myself still cringing a little anytime someone mentioned Jesus’s name and I continued to avoid drawing upon any comfort that Jesus might be able to offer me.

Over the course of the last two months though, I began experiencing pain on a level that I pray no other ever has to go through in their lifetime. Spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical, it has felt as if my entire being has been in pain more than not. But one morning upon waking recently, I found myself with all of that going on, as I kneeled in my backyard and began to pray to God like I normally do when I start each day. Whether it was the amount of pain I had in that moment, or the buildup of having day after day after day feeling exactly the same in my body, the dam opened and a flood of tears began to burst out of me. And it was then that I found myself calling upon Jesus to come back into my life and help me.

As I sit here and type this, I feel the tears coming up again knowing that I mean what I say as I write these words. While I may not understand the Christian religion anymore with what’s going on in this world, while I may not understand the hate that spews out of people’s mouths that often involves Jesus’s name, and while I may not know what really happened over 2000 years ago when Jesus actually walked this earth, I can honestly say I don’t care anymore. I allowed my ego for far too many years to justify a complete denial of Jesus’s love for me as based upon these things. And because of this, I’ve often felt more empty and alone than I probably needed to be, going through the difficult things I have.

So with my words today, I have decided to reconfirm for the world to see, my growing openness with Christ. I wish to live my life fully with you Jesus from here on out. I ask that you as the great comforter may come back into my life in every way. Please help me to feel your presence anytime I’m feeling down and find myself thinking about giving up. Please help me to know you are with me whenever I feel alone. And please bring me that comfort and healing that I’ve always known you have to offer. I’m sorry I spent years in my ego denying you access to my heart and soul. I pray you forgive me. I love you.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson