“Perseverance” – A Message From God Or A Coincidence?

I have never heard God speak directly to me, at least not that I’ve ever been aware of. Nor have I ever seen any angels, spirits, or ghosts during my life…yet. I have also never received any irrefutable proof that anything exists beyond this plane. While I have seen many television shows, read many books, and heard of many phenomena that say otherwise, to this day I’m still waiting for something to happen to me in such a direct way where my brain will never be able to refute the existence of God ever again.

There are some things though that have happened to me, which may not necessarily be classified as otherworldly, where I’ve been wondering if they are the way the spiritual realm is choosing to communicate with me at this time. One of those very things occurred just a few days ago when I was in New York City with my closest friend for our annual Christmas holiday trip there. Let me first say that I was questionable on whether I was even going to go this year because of the level of physical pain I’ve been enduring as of late. For days leading up to it, I prayed to God asking if I was supposed to go or not, but I never got any answer. I decided that the absence of getting one was that I had to make the decision all on my own. So I ended up choosing to go, even in the midst of having great physical pain.

When the day arrived and I found myself walking the streets of New York City with my friend, I was really struggling being present at times with the things we were doing. My body was hurting immensely with each step I took and I was having to pray quite a bit in my head for the strength to make it through the entire day. I began wondering how much more I was going to be able to take of the physical pain being a part of my life and at a certain point, I hurt so much that I couldn’t go on with the site seeing. I asked my friend if he was opened to going to St. Patricks Cathedral to have a prolonged rest period there because of it. Normally I’d do this anyway during my visits in previous years, but in those they always were brief just to take a few snapshots and say a quick prayer. This time around though we decided to spend a good hour resting in the pews until the final worship service of the day started. When it began, I was so exhausted from the pain that my eyes kept closing. That all changed though when the priest’s sermon began. It was then that I felt somehow God might be trying to communicate to me through the sermon, which was about one thing…perseverance.

By definition, perseverance is defined as having a steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. When the priest started talking about this by sharing a story about a saint who endured great pain and never lost their faith, my heart began to stir. The length of time that I have endured great physical pain with no answers and little relief has had me often wanting to just give up and pack it in for good. And to be totally honest, I’ve questioned a lot lately whether God even exists because of it. But even in the midst of all that, I have prayed diligently every single day for answers and relief, but they’ve never come in the way my brain has hoped for. Instead, I have wondered if they’ve been arriving indirectly in ways like this priest’s sermon. The thought of that overwhelmed me so much in my pew that I began to cry.

Having perseverance is not an easy thing to do especially when so much physical pain is involved. And I know my ego has truly been hoping for a more direct answer from God, such as a big booming voice coming out of thin air where only I can hear it and where I’m enveloped in a warm brilliant white light. But that hasn’t happened, nor did it happen in that cathedral. Instead what did happen was that I heard a message that told me to continue to persevere in my quest to heal and not lose my faith that God will get me there.

Holding steadfast in this belief in the absence of receiving any direct signs indicating so is probably the biggest challenge I’ve ever undertaken in this lifetime. So many have said I should just give up and seek a prescription of some type of narcotic to numb the pain. Others have tempted to lure me back into addictions to deal with it. But so far, I’ve resisted both of these and instead have stayed on course choosing to believe in something I still don’t know if it even exists.

So was all of it just a coincidence that I was at a church service that day where the sermon’s message was about perseverance? Was my being there all arranged by some Guiding Force that is working beyond my perception of things? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but what I do know is that I was there and I did hear something that stirred my heart and soul that day.

I often wonder if God doesn’t talk to us directly because the answers might not ever satisfy our egos. Maybe things have to happen indirectly to us, like being led to hear that sermon’s message, because that’s how we’re wired. Regardless of what the truth really is, that sermon made me realize I still had two choices in front of me…Persevere with blind faith that God won’t leave me in this dark place, or give up and go back to medications, drugs, and addictions to try to numb my pain.

I decided that the best choice for me was to continue to persevere for one reason and one reason only. Deep down the thing I want most in life is to make it through this and know that God was always there guiding me through it all.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“How Am I Going To Make It Through This???”

Last night I attended an AA meeting where a woman led it with a very distressful event currently taking place in her life. From what I gathered, a water main in her house had burst and been unable to be shut off for a considerable amount of time due to a domino effect of complications. Between having to throw away many belongings and being forced for the next few months to stay in a local hotel, she and her partner were quite overwhelmed. Because of this, she asked for the topic of the meeting to be on how people remain sane and sober through those big difficulties and tragedies that come in life.

Based upon her topic, it’s sad to say but up until a few years ago, I wouldn’t have had any experience, strength or hope to contribute to that meeting last night. As for over two decades, whenever any tragic thing took place in my life, I just numbed myself from dealing with it through some type of addiction. And when you spend over two decades of your life numbing yourself from just about everything and anything, it’s pretty shocking to the system when you start walking through a tragedy without any type of crutch. It really is true what people say though in that it gets easier the more you practice doing it, and the more I’ve done it, the more I’ve learned some valuable lessons that have helped me to remain sane and sober through even the worst things that can happen in life.

The first lesson I learned is that no matter how bad one’s tragedy ever is, something good will ALWAYS come of it. Being molested, my father’s suicide, my mother’s terminal fall down the stairs, the breakup of a long-term relationship, and the short sale of the bed and breakfast I once owned have all, in their own way, eventually led me to a much happier and healthier life. Take the case of that breakup from a former partner and that short sale of the bed and breakfast as an example. At the time I was losing either of them, I also had no recovery, no real friends, felt completely empty and alone, and didn’t love myself at all. All of that forced me to seek out help, which I did through the rooms or Alcoholics Anonymous and therapy. Today, I can look back and see how both that ex-partner and that bed and breakfast weren’t healthy for me, but at the time I was losing them, it actually felt as if it were the end of the world. And now I have a very strong recovery, some solid friends, I don’t feel completely empty and alone anymore, and I love myself so much more. I know it’s hard to see how anything good will ever come of something so tragic when we’re going through it. But I’ve learned that if I walk through that darkness, there is a wonderful and beautiful clearing on the other side as long as I don’t numb myself through its healing process.

A second and just as important lesson I learned is to be as grateful as possible for what I still have while going through any of life’s calamities. I do my best today to look for everything I can have gratitude for when I’m in the middle of that darkness that comes in life’s greatest challenges. A good example of this is how I am dealing with the latest difficulty in my life, that being my partner’s infidelity. I am extremely grateful that he has the willingness to work through this and has also admitted his wrong. He has taken some serious steps to getting the help he needs and showing me he wants this to still work. I know if I choose to focus in on the negative side of this experience, it will get me nowhere in the healing process and instead will keep me in the victim role. Thus, staying grateful and looking for what I still have will make things a lot easier to get through it.

A final lesson I learned is to get out of myself and help someone else during any of life’s greatest challenges. Doing that has always led me to feeling so much better. Ironically, I believe that God has us go through these difficult life experiences so that we may grow stronger and help someone else get through them down the road. So now when I’m actively going through one of these misfortunes, I get out of myself by doing something like going to a meeting and sharing some of my experience, strength, and hope about one of the previous ones I’ve found healing from already.

I can assure you that each of these lessons can and will help you get through any of life’s tribulations. So if something as tragic as your house completely flooding should occur, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and know that something good will come of this. In that woman’s case who led the AA meeting, thankfully she did have insurance which is covering everything. Who knows, maybe their repairs of her house will fix something that could have become an even greater tragedy? And hopefully she can see that the free hotel stay for two months is a luxury and not a curse. But most importantly, I know she’ll find those two months going by much quicker until she gets back in her home, by reaching out and helping others through tragedies she’s already healed from in life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Gratitude In EVERY Moment

It’s pretty easy to have gratitude when everything seems to be going right in your life isn’t it? But what about having gratitude in all those moments when everything seems to be going wrong? Then it becomes not so easy right?

In my many attendances to recovery meetings, I hear people share quite a bit about how grateful they are, but I’ve also noticed that usually happens when they’re having a great day. When I’ve seen those same people dealing with a really bad day in their life, they either don’t share at all at the meetings, or if they do, it’s all about how their life sucks and how they’re thinking about going back to their addictions again.

I like to talk a lot about this subject both in my writing and in my speaking because I have found it’s one of the keys that has kept me going through thick and thin in my own life. For the past several years, having endured high levels of physical pain has made it extremely difficult to feel like any day is ever going my way. Because of this, I’ve had to practice gratitude during even my worst of days just to keep going.

Let me be the first one to tell you, if you don’t know this already, that the secret to migrating through all of life’s ups and downs is in finding gratitude during all of it. To be frank, that’s not the easiest task at all, especially for someone like me who deals with massive health issues on a daily basis. There have been many days that I have awoken to where my body was hurting so bad that the only way I’ve made it through that day was to find even the smallest of things to be grateful for. When I haven’t, it has led me into behaving just like those who I’ve heard share negatively at those meetings when life has thrown them too many curve balls. The way I’ve found to handle those curve ball based days is to look for gratitude in just about everything.

Maybe it comes from someone that calls me out of the blue just to say hello who I haven’t heard from in awhile.

Maybe it comes from a compliment I get from someone who liked what I had to say when I attended and shared at a recovery meeting.

Maybe it comes from a rainbow I saw somewhere in the sky.

Maybe it comes from someone who told me they loved me.

Maybe it comes from a hug I received.

Maybe it comes from someone who found a way to make me laugh for a moment.

Maybe it comes from relating to someone else’s struggles where my heart was moved into understanding them a lot better.

Or maybe it even comes from an animal that visited me and brought me comfort.

The list goes on and on of all the things that not too long ago, I would have overlooked when I felt like I was having a crappy day. To ensure I stay in a state of being grateful, I have placed all of these things in a gratitude journal at the end of my day for quite a number of years now. So regardless of how bad my ego might feel my day was, I look back upon it and find at least nine things I can be grateful for and write them down each and every night.

I have to admit that there’s one thing I’ve noticed that’s changed for the better because of trying to keep this attitude of gratitude in even my worst of days. I’ve been able to endure quite a bit of life’s challenges while maintaining a level of positivity and hope. That being said, I can just imagine the level of gratitude I’m going to feel towards God when my days are no longer filled with so much of this chronic pain. But until that day arrives, I just want you to know that regardless of how much I’m struggling to make it through my days, I’m going to keep on practicing gratitude in EVERY moment, no matter what!

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson