Category: Recovery From Addictions

A common misconception for those who are new to 12 Step recovery programs is that that won’t ever be tempted to go back to their addiction(s) after enough sober time passes. Unfortunately, that’s quite far from the truth.

This upcoming week will be my 19^th year clean and sober from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. I’ve also gone for more than two years now free of caffeine and sex and love addiction based behaviors as well. But regardless of whatever sober length of time I’ve had under my belt, I’ve only ever been one slip away from fully going back to any of those former addictions.

While on most days I don’t think about engaging in any of them anymore, there are still some when I do. This past Saturday was one of them and I’m sure it had a lot to do with the atmosphere I was around. I spent the day at a local downtown festival where there was a high level of partying going on. While the majority of the festival was focused on house tours, yard sales, foods, and arts and crafts vendors, there was also a vast amount of drinking also taking place. On top of that, I spent the day at this festival with a friend of mine who’s also very attracted to me. Although no boundaries were broken on Saturday, and no one put a drink in my hand, or even offered me one either, just being in that atmosphere placed me in some energy that tempted me back towards my addictions.

It really is true when people say that you become who and what you hang around regularly. Although I enjoy festivals and spending time with a few friends who find my attractive, I know I couldn’t do either on any type of a regular basis. Being around either definitely tempts me to go back to old behaviors. On an occasional basis, my recovery is strong enough today to be around situations like this. But I know that if I increased the frequency of me going to festivals, parties, or hanging out with people who find me attractive, it could lead me back into my addictions.

The fact is, when I used to hang around festivals, bars, or house parties regularly, I drank and drugged regularly. When I used to hang around people who found me attractive regularly, I became promiscuous regularly. But when I finally found recovery and began hanging around recovery-based people regularly, I began recovering a lot more regularly. And that’s when I saw I needed to place a little more distance between myself, and those things that tempted me into my addictions.

As my length of sobriety and recovery increased, I realized that there were going to be times that I couldn’t always be completely free of temptations. So I learned how to be around alcohol or people who found me attractive by strengthening my recovery and my relationship with my Higher Power. Doing both on a regular basis definitely sustains me now when those temptations occasionally arise in life, like they did this past weekend.

As I drove home from that festival this afternoon, I actually had thoughts about drinking some caffeine, stopping at a bar, doing something sexual, and driving recklessly in my sports car. I believe all of those thoughts stemmed from being in the atmosphere I had been in the entire day. Thankfully, I did none of the above, but it was strong reminder that I’m always going to be tempted to go back to my old addictions.

I’m so grateful that my recovery and my relationship with my Higher Power are so strong these days. I know that’s precisely the reason why I didn’t give into those temptations this past Saturday. While I believe it’s not possible for a recovering addict to be completely free from all temptations for the rest of their life, having a strong program and a close connection to a Higher Power is critical to dealing with them when they do arise. I’m thankful I have both and that I’m still clean and sober from all my former addictions…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I like roller coasters a lot. In fact I consider myself a major enthusiast of just about any kind of them. But there is one type of coaster that I do not enjoy and never have, and that’s the one I experienced in life when I was an active addict.

No matter what type of addiction a person might suffer from, there really is a great similarity that can be made of their life to that of a roller coaster. There are those huge hills that represent the quest for the next high. Then of course there are the rapid descents on the other side of those hills that represent the crash after their high wears off. Depending on one’s addiction, some of those hills can be quite extreme, both in the highs that are achieved and the drops that are felt afterwards.

What’s great about riding an actual roller coaster at an amusement park is that it only lasts for a short period of time and it always ends. But this is not so for the active addict. Their roller-coaster of a life never ends as long as they stay active in their addiction.

Can you imagine what it might feel like to ride one of those extreme roller coasters again and again and never get off of it? I can, as I tried it once at an amusement park in Virginia. There I rode an eight-loop roller coaster non-stop for seven consecutive rides. By the time I was done, I felt so sick I thought I was going to throw up. It also ended up ruining the rest of that day because my equilibrium got completely unbalanced. There really is no difference when it comes to the type of roller coaster an addict will experience when active in their addiction, except the symptoms may be a little different. They usually will experience things such as headaches, jitters, anxiety, depression, fear, worry, anger, rage, loss of appetite, obsessions, and dry heaves, to name a few. None of them are ever pleasant either. Sadly though, when those symptoms subside for an active addict, they begin looking for their next high and start that ascent up the coaster hill all over again. Soon they will reach the top just like before, only to repeat the pattern of hitting the next bottom of another big drop.

I’m so thankful I’m not on that endless roller coaster anymore. When I finally found recovery from all of my addictions and began to place myself 100 percent into it, I experienced what a real roller coaster feels like as it ends. In other words, those hills got smaller and smaller and smaller, until things leveled off completely. Thankfully, being in my recovered state now probably best resembles that of a kiddie coaster. There are little hills and dips I have each and every day, but none of them ever cause me to crash and burn like I once used to with regularity. I believe this is the normal ebb and flow of how life is supposed to be and I’m incredibly grateful to my Higher Power for helping me to get to this point.

Life doesn’t have to be an extreme roller coaster ride for any of us, but you can sure bet it will be if you allow an addiction to take control of your life. If that by some chance has happened already to you, then I pray you find a Higher Power and seek recovery immediately. In doing so, it’s a safe bet to say that rickety never-ending ride will finally be able to come to an end…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“How do you know if you’re an alcoholic?”

That’s a question that has been frequently pondered by so many individuals in this world. At one point in time, I was actually one of them. Unfortunately, the path I took to find that answer wasn’t a short one, as it’s usually not for most others as well.

In my case, the main reason was that I had been a functioning alcoholic. What that meant is that I functioned just fine in life while carrying on my excessive daily drinking. Most of that drinking took place during my college years and somehow I maintained good grades, several leadership positions in my fraternity, a part-time job, and various other social obligations. All of that made it very difficult for me to identify whether I was an alcoholic or not. The fact was I allowed myself to believe that I wasn’t since I handled my duties in life just fine. Add in the notion that many others, who also drank regularly, surrounded me on a daily basis, and that answer became even more clouded.

Once I left college, things became so much clearer though with my drinking. I spent the first six months getting drunk where I would finish each night by hurling into a toilet and then passing out in the living room. I also started playing the sick card due to my hangovers and began having trouble making it into work. Suddenly I found myself not functioning so well anymore as a drinker. The final straw came towards the end of that six-month period and it dealt with my sexuality.

I didn’t want to have an attraction to men back then and it definitely wasn’t a choice. But when I began to notice I was developing romantic feelings for my best friend, I started drowning them with as much alcohol as I could. That led my life to spiral completely out of control and it was then I finally knew that alcohol has become my master.

Thankfully, I am able to say with ease today that I am an alcoholic. It’s been just about 19 years now since I had my last drink and I’m extremely grateful to God because of it. Sadly, there are great numbers of people out there though who are still trying to figure it out for themselves. Some of them may even go their entire life trying to find that answer. I know of one man who spent 50 years living as a functioning alcoholic until his deteriorating health finally gave him it.

If you happen to be someone who has been questioning whether you may or may not be an alcoholic, I encourage you to click the following link. There you will find a self-test, which will hopefully help you arrive at an answer. My only prayer is that if it helps you you’re an alcoholic, that you don’t spend another day drowning it in booze. Please know that your life is worth so much more than that ok?

http://www.ncadd.org/index.php/learn-about-alcohol/alcohol-abuse-self-test

And here is one other good resource as well: http://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson