Category: Recovery From Addictions

Ok, I’ll admit it, I know I have spoken a lot about my Higher Power, or God, if you will, through much of my writing in this blog. I’m sad to say that because of that, some people have come in here and read a few entries only to be turned off by its reoccurring theme. Others have even said I sound too religious. What’s funny is that I am so far from being that type of person, but more importantly, because of their comments, I realized I haven’t taken the time yet to write about why I have that reoccurring theme in the first place. The answer is quite simple actually. And it comes down to asking yourself two questions. Who, or what, have you made your higher power, and how happy has your life become as a result of that decision?

I think the words “Higher Power”, warrant a vert brief explanation at this point. In all 12 Step Recovery Programs, they have been used since the original founders of Alcoholics Anonymous first established them. It was those founders who discovered the only recovery from a life of addiction was to turn over one’s entire life to a power greater than themselves that was unconditionally loving and caring. They also knew that if they had used the word “God” instead, it would have brought up many negative connotations like it did for those people who thought my blog sounded too religious. I applaud those founders for that decision because there was a time that I too, had negative feelings when I heard the word “God.” Unfortunately for me though, that was also the time where the focus of my desire was on many different things, where each became my higher power and none were able to give me any real unconditional love or care.

You can make anything be the focus of your desire. And if that focus of your desire consumes most of your life, then it has become your higher power. The first thing that became my higher power in life was alcohol. Then it was drugs. Then it was cigarettes. Then it was sex and love. Then it was caffeine. Then it was money. And then it ended with it being certain people who I was codependent or obsessed with. Each of those things garnered at their specific points in my life, all of my focus and attention.  I dedicated my entire life to each of them to the extent where my world revolved around them. And I loved each of them dearly, more than anything else, when they were a part of my life.The sad thing is that none of them were ever able to care for me back in the same way, nor were they ever able to love me unconditionally.This is the precise reason why all of those things will do nothing more than drive us into a life of misery and unhappiness. And that’s exactly what it did for me for over two decades of my life.

Alcohol and drugs, sex and love, a new relationship, coming into a bunch of money, the latest gadgets and gizmos, cars and houses, cigarettes, caffeine, or any person one chases after, all will fail in the long run in the pursuit of eternal happiness. The truth is that they may work for a time as each did for me, but there also comes the time when they won’t. I spent years and years finding myself in the depths of despair because I placed many different powers that weren’t greater than myself as my higher power. But thankfully, two years ago, I finally woke up and realized my life was going nowhere. It was then that I found my Higher Power, which today I’m ok to say that it’s God. And to me God is everything now that is unconditionally loving and caring. None of those things that I chose as my higher power prior to this were able to do that. Not a single one. This God of my understanding, or my Higher Power as my recovery led me to find, does have those qualities, and loves me for me. While there has been constant challenges with my health conditions during these past two years, each has far surpassed any of my former attempts at finding long lasting happiness from within. While my world was a constant roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows, and anxieties and depressions before, now it’s become a lot smoother of sailing then I’ve ever been able to experience. And that alone makes following my Higher Power incredibly worth it.

Look, you can spend the rest of your life making anything on this earth your higher power. But when you find yourself living a life that often feels like a roller coaster, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and ask yourself two questions. Who, or what, have you made your higher power, and how happy has your life become as a result of that decision???

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

For years, I was a chronic complainer, constantly grumbling about the state of my life to whomever would listen. There was always some type of drama I had going on with my intimate relationships, friendships, places of employment, social clubs I belonged to, family, or with my health. Every conversation I had with anyone was usually about how life wasn’t fair. When I first entered recovery some 12 years into my sobriety and began using my sponsor for guidance in my life, I can remember her offering me plenty of invaluable advice, much of which I often had the tendency to ignore. Because of that, there came a point where my many 911 calls to her to deal with the latest drama saga of my life began to be met with her jokingly responding that I needed to call the “Waaambulance”. But there was one priceless piece of advice she gave me and something that I also heard quite often in most recovery meetings I attended, and that’s “If nothing changes, nothing changes…”

For years I didn’t really grasp the meaning of that phrase. Today, I know the reason for that is because my ego was so caught up in selfishness and self-centeredness for way too long. Thankfully, that’s not so true for me anymore as I’ve come to turn my entire will over to the care of my Higher Power. Now I understand the fact that for years, all I really did was complain about my life and rarely did I take any action to change it. The result for me was just as that phrase stated, that nothing changed in my life.

It really is easy to complain about everything that goes wrong in our lives isn’t it? And isn’t it just as true that there seems to always been someone willing to listen to our grumbling? Doesn’t it always feel better when we find that person or persons who emphasize with our frustrations, especially when they too join in our pity party? But what good does any of that do, if nothing changes as a result from all that complaining? I know for myself that I stayed for years in that quicksand of complaints and self-pity and rarely did anything about it. I often just went from meeting to meeting, therapist to therapist, partner to partner, or friend to friend, to whine. As soon as anyone suggested some positive changes I could make in my life, I’d make excuses on how difficult they would be, then I’d get angry at them, and more than not, I’d find a reason to move on to somewhere else or someone else that would join in my grievance sessions of life.

I’ve had many people throughout life tell me that no one really significantly changes from the core person they are inside. This is so far from the truth given how much I’ve changed from the person I once was. The real truth is that those people who say that no one really changes are the same people who don’t want to do the hard work necessary that comes with changing and growing. And because no changes are ever made by them, then nothing will ever be able to change in their lives for the better.

The real truth is this. On the one hand, people can choose to spend the rest of their lives holding onto the idea that no one ever really changes. They can continue to find fault with all the things they perceive to be going wrong in their lives indefinitely. And they can spend countless hours complaining and maintaining the belief that it’s just the cards they were dealt. In doing so, nothing will ever change for them and the only result will be a downward spiral into more and more negativity. But on the other hand, for those who do want to change, I encourage each of you to take a moment, breathe, and seek your Higher Power to ask for the strength for that to happen. Know that your Higher Power will come forth in response and propel you into action to making those changes. And rest assured, the result will be much brighter, and more positive then for anyone who chooses the other hand, because for them, if nothing changes, nothing changes…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever accused someone of doing something that you were absolutely convinced they were guilty of it, only to find out later that it was of your own doing all along? A few days ago, I was helping my partner to assemble a tall, metallic, border fence in his backyard when I did this very thing to him. While I could bore you with all the details of what led up to this, I decided it was more important to go right to the end of the story instead.

By the time we had finished with this project, it was starting to pour outside so we quickly cleaned everything up and moved it all into the garage. It was there that I discovered one of the stakes was missing from those that we knew were going to be leftover. For the next twenty minutes, I proceeded to accuse my partner of forgetting where he put it. As we searched in every nook and cranny of the garage and then got wet outside while we looked entirely there too, I grew more and more flustered. With each passing moment, I continued to poke and prod him for his apparent memory loss of where he had set it down. After hearing him defend himself so many times from my constant barrage of senile comments I was making towards his way, it hit me. It wasn’t missing at all. The truth was I had only just miscounted on how many were supposed to be remaining in the first place. And it was then, that I felt truly terrible. I promptly admitted my wrongdoing to him and apologized several times over. After he accepted it and went into the house, I sat down and took a few more moments to pray to my Higher Power about another of my character defects that I was suddenly much more aware of now. And like I do with any other character defects that still emerge from me every now and then, I asked God to do what’s necessary within me to remove it and prevent the situation from ever happening again. A few minutes later, I felt a whole lot better and was actually extremely grateful for having been able to admit so readily that I was wrong. Not too long ago, I probably wouldn’t have done so.

The moral of my article today is relatively short and sweet. Don’t always be so sure that someone else is to blame for something that’s happened in your life, even when your ego is screaming at you that this is definitely the case. Frequently what can occur in those moments, like it did for me, is that a person doesn’t take the time to slow down and breathe deeply before making an accusation. Because the truth is, that it’s in those moments one chooses to slow down, where they can often wake up and realize their accusation is going to be a false one, as the only one to blame all along was just themselves.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson