Category: Recovery From Addictions

Going deep within and taking a hard look at oneself is probably the single most important thing to do when a person first gets sober from any addiction. Finding a person to date or buying nice stuff for oneself most certainly isn’t. Unfortunately, many choose to do the latter and often find themselves falling right back into their addition all over again because of it, something I continue to hear again and again, just like I did the other day while running a 12 Step meeting at the local detox I volunteer at weekly.

Every Wednesday, I run a 12 Step afternoon meeting at this detox where I seem to now be seeing the same people returning over and over again, usually because their focus in sobriety was on anything except the work within. As I spoke to the clients in my meeting this past week, I was informed from one of them that their sponsor had just relapsed and was in a 30-day residential program nearby. When I inquired on who their sponsor was, I wasn’t surprised to hear who it was. I had met this individual over a year and a half ago in the very same detox. They had been homeless, drug addicted, and begging on the street for a long time until they finally had taken the best step towards a better life, one that had brought them into the detox I was running my meeting at and onto the 12 Step recovery track. For a while, I kept in touch with them on Facebook after they had successfully completed the initial stages of their recovery program. I enjoyed reading their postings as they evolved in their sobriety, making healthy sober friends, hitting meetings, and talking about the 12 Steps. But when they began to post a ton of pictures of the brand-new motorcycle they purchased and of the new attractive girlfriend they now had, I grew concerned. A concern that was actualized as soon as their sponsee confirmed the relapse in my meeting the other day.

Getting in a new relationship in the first year of recovery from an addiction is absolutely the single greatest reason why most relapse back into their addiction, because those who do, often make the person they date their higher power. And when that relationship begins to fail, essentially making them lose faith in that temporary higher power, the first go-to-method to cope in that grief is the substance of their former addiction. The same aspect holds true for people who like to buy nice stuff for themselves once they get sober, especially when they get a good paying job. Addicts tend to love acquiring those shiny things, something I’ve referred to in prior articles, because it makes them feel good every time they acquire something new. Eventually, the addict always finds that all those new things don’t take away the pain of what drove them into their addiction in the first place and neither does any new relationship for that matter either. Those things only provide temporary happiness, and accomplish essentially the same thing that the substance of their addiction once did, a way to numb oneself for a time from feeling any pain of life. The true work for a newly sober individual from any addiction is something addicts generally hate to face, that being themselves.

All the brokenness of an addict’s life including any failed relationships, losses they’ve experienced both financial and personal, past abuse they’ve endured or inflicted, tragic deaths they’ve had to go through, childhood traumas they’ve tried to forget, and the like, each are the things addicts NEED to face, but often don’t. Why? Because it’s too painful for them. Yet, that’s the very thing addicts need to do when they come into 12 Step recovery if they truly want to remain clean and sober from the substance of their addiction for the rest of their life.

The ONLY reason why I am still on a strong path of 12 Step recovery from so many addictions, is because I keep facing all the pain of both my past and my present, instead of trying to numb myself from it with a bunch of temporary things. Things like thinking another intimate relationship or buying a bunch of brand-new stuff will fix. I’m thankful that 12 Step recovery has taught me otherwise. Ultimately, the single greatest lesson 12 Step recovery taught me was to go deep within and face all my brokenness, seeking a true Higher Power to guide me through it all. For me, that’s God who’s accomplished that, one day at a time, something no new relationship or buying a bunch of nice stuff ever did or will…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s heartbreaking to witness alcohol and drug relapses, especially when it’s with people who have had some time under their belt remaining clean and sober. The hope is that they’ll quickly regain their footing and insert themselves back all the more into their 12 Step program. But not everyone always makes it back, which is probably the hardest thing to witness, specifically when it ends tragically. Such is the case of an individual I knew and appreciated tremendously who was employed at the detox I volunteer at weekly that I’ll anonymously refer to as Joe.

Joe was one of those faces I really looked forward to seeing each time I showed up to hold my 12 Step meeting with the clients of the detox he worked at. He never failed to greet me warmly, always giving me the thumbs up for the work I do, consistently supporting my efforts, and even cracking jokes with me from time to time. When I began to notice Joe wasn’t around two weeks in a row, I asked where he was thinking maybe he just moved on to another job or was taking an extended vacation. The truth was far worse. I learned Joe “went back out” as they say, deciding for whatever his reasons to pick up his alcohol and drug addiction one more time and it ended badly. Joe overdosed, during which he lost too much oxygen to his brain. While Joe is still alive, he’s now in hospice care, has lost much of his memory, and by all means will probably need care for the rest of his life. And, in case you’re wondering, Joe is only in his mid 30’s.

Choosing to go back out with addiction is like playing Russian Roulette. Eventually it will take your life. With how potent things are getting in the alcohol and drug world, there are more deaths now from people relapsing than ever before. What recovering individuals continue to repeatedly forget once they get clean and sober is that all those inner demons that caused them to be an addict in the first place are always there on some level, trying to succumb them back. It’s the 12 Step work that keeps people sober, not just staying away from the substance of the addiction.

I don’t know what Joe’s reasons were to go back out one more time. Maybe it was that simple thought that it would be different this time. Or maybe it was a really bad day and he didn’t care anymore. Ironically, if you had seen Joe before his relapse, you wouldn’t know he once was a hard-core addict. More bright and cheerful than anything else, I realize I may never see that again in Joe and in all reality, Joe probably doesn’t even remember me anymore given the damage his relapse caused his brain.

I’m sad for Joe, but even more sad for how bad the alcohol and drug problem is becoming, not just here in Toledo, but also around our country and the world in general. People aren’t talking about this that much because there is so much else going on in the news taking far more precedence these days. I continue to fight on though, not just for the souls of others to find release from the grips of their addiction, but also against the Enemy, that darkness, that keeps trying to beckon me back into the allure of what alcohol and drugs offer at first. But I know that eventually both will assuredly take everything away, including my life.

That’s why I’ve dedicated today’s article to Joe, and others like Joe, like Aaron, or Bobby, or Derek, or Paulie, or Charlie, or any of the other endless list of names I have now of people I’ve loved and cared about who either died at the hands of alcohol and drug addiction or experienced some tragic permanent life changing alteration from them. It’s them that remind me there is never a good relapse back into addiction and that the only solution is to spend the rest of my life doing this 12 Step recovery work I do and remaining devoted to God in the process. Both have kept me clean and sober thus far, 27 years and growing. God willing I pray to never have to experience when a relapse ends tragically…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Most addicts, no matter what their addiction, are inherently takers rather than givers. They tend to use people more than help people. And when push comes to shove, getting any help from them, be prepared for them to either hold it over your head at some point down the way, or ask for something in return immediately upon completion. On my journey through 12 Step recovery over the years, I’ve learned one of the main goals of the 12 Step process is all about moving a person away from living this life of selfish taking into living a life of selfless giving.

Fifteen years ago, when I first walked into the rooms of recovery with 12 years clean and sober from alcohol and drugs. I was essentially a dry drunk/addict who was still completely selfish and self-centered, always doing things for others for a price, a price that always benefitted me somehow. When my first sponsor took me under her wing though, I began to be guided away from this behavior, as she directed me to volunteer at the AA headquarters in downtown Boston answering calls on their hotline for a 4-hour shift. I did it initially begrudgingly because I just wanted to appease her. What I didn’t know though was how much that volunteer job would change my life forever, as it taught me the invaluableness of helping another without asking for anything in return. It became a regular occurrence on those calls to help so many in desperation, many just looking for a friend so they didn’t feel so alone in what they were going through, and some simply asking me to pray with them. I saw how much that service made a difference, both in their lives, and in mine with my heart feeling a lot fuller. Ever since then, I’ve consistently been more on the path of service, one that continues to help me move further and further away from a selfish taker to more of a selfless giver.

What giving translates to in the 12 Step recovery realm often begins with taking on a simple position in a home group like making coffee before the meeting starts or just setting up chairs. Eventually it can lead to other service work in the greater recovery community such as serving on a committee. It also can mean sponsoring others and going on commitments to places where people are still suffering from addiction. It can even mean starting your own 12 Step meeting. Beyond the 12 Step recovery realm, it can mean just being more of service to your partner or friends, saying yes, more than no, and having no hidden agenda or angle. Overall, this is the primary objective of 12 Step recovery beyond remaining clean and sober. That is to learn how to live a life of freely giving of oneself rather than living a life of constantly taking from others.

I sincerely believe I’m doing a pretty decent job at this now, but that certainly didn’t happen overnight. It took years of following the advice of others in 12 Step recovery who had been on the recovery journey far longer. It’s because of what they taught me why I do so much service work now. Many newcomers often ask me why I continue to do it as much as I do with 27 years now clean and sober and the answer is simple. I do it because there’s far greater satisfaction in life when giving of oneself without ever asking for anything in return, then in taking for oneself and always wanting something more.

Living as a taker is a dead-end existence, one that leaves the soul feeling so very empty in the long run. But living as a giver transforms the mind and the body into an existence where life can feel far lighter and far brighter, something I’ve come to see quite a bit more as I continue working on selfless giving more than selfish taking…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson