Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A drunk man was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery with the drunk man being loud and disorderly. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, “Order, order.” The drunk immediately responded, “Thank you, your Honor, I’ll have a Scotch and soda.”

Silly Joke #2

An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist’s office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears. “Doc, my memory’s gone. Gone! I can’t remember my wife’s name. Can’t remember my children’s names. Can’t remember what kind of car I drive. Can’t remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here. I think I need to be tested for Alzheimer’s or dementia!” “Calm down John. First, I want you to try to relax. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths ok?” John then closed his eyes and the doctor gave him a few minutes for his breathing to slow down. When John looked calmer, the doctor asked him to open his eyes and said, “So, how long have you been having this issue?” “What issue? I don’t even know why I’m here?”

Silly Joke #3

A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.  After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other “looks.” Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself: “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.” The boss is setting there thinking: “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!” The young woman was sitting and thinking: “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn’t slapped him!” The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: “Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A very gifted baby was born with the ability to talk.
The first thing he said when he was born was, “Are you my mom?”
“Why, yes!” his mother said. “I am!”
“Well,” the baby said, “I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born.” Then he looks around the room and says, “Are you my doctor?”
“Yes, I am!” says the doctor.
“Well, I just wanted to thank you,” says the baby, “for taking such good care of me during the delivery.”
“You’re very welcome,” says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, “Hey, are you my father?”
Overcome with pride, his dad says, “Yes, I am!”
The baby says, “Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down.” The father complies, and the baby starts poking him forcibly in the forehead. “How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn’t it?!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny, the boy who’s always saying and doing inappropriate things, was browsing through the huge stack of greeting cards at a stationery store. After watching him do this for a good while, the clerk became curious and asked, “Just what is it you’re looking for, sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?” Little Johnny shook his head and said, “Nope.” “Then what kind of card is it that you want?” asked the clerk. Little Johnny answered wistfully, “I’m looking for a blank report card, do you have that here?”

Silly Joke #2

A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story. As she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across the drawing from Little Johnny, the boy who’s always saying and doing inappropriate things. He was busy drawing a man driving an old car away from a beautiful tree and plants and bushes. In the backseat there were two passengers—both scantily dressed.””It’s a lovely picture,” prompted the teacher, “but which story does it tell?” Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question. “Well,” he exclaimed, “doesn’t it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?”

Silly Joke #3

An older man had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked an awful lot like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In too loud of a voice the receptionist said, “Yes, I see your name here. You are here to see the doctor about impotence, right?” All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the now very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally too loud of a voice replied, “No, I’ve come to inquire about having a sex change operation with the same doctor that did yours!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A blonde Nun was taking a shower one day and she heard the door bell ring, she yelled “Who is it?” The person ringing the door bell yelled, “I’m the blind man.” So the blonde Nun got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel, she didn’t bother putting a towel around herself because the person behind the door was blind. She opened the door and said, “What do you want?”, and the man exclaimed in embarrassment, “I’m here to assess the blinds on all the windows for your church.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Teacher: “Little Johnny, why are you late this morning?”
Mischievous Little Johnny: “Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!”
Teacher: Can you please tell me how did the alarm clock made you the only one not to get up?”
Mischievous Little Johnny: “Well, you see, there are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven!!!”

Silly Joke #2

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of the paperwork, he waited anxiously as the employer reviewed it all. Once the employer was done, he said, “We actually do have an opening for someone like you…” “That’s great!” he said, “What is it?” “It’s called the door!”

Silly Joke #3

Three nuns died and visited St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said he would admit them if they each answered one question.He turned to the first nun and asked, “Who was the first man?” “Adam,” the nun confidently replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang as the gates swung open and she walked into heaven. St. Peter turned to the second nun. “Who was the first woman?” “Eve,” she replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang. Then St. Peter turned to the last nun. “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?” The nun paused for a moment. “Gee, that’s a hard one!” The trumpets sounded and the angels sang and the gates swung open for her.

Bonus Silly Joke

An elderly married couple was traveling by car on a road trip. After almost 11 hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room in a nice hotel. They told the manager their intentions was just to get a few hours of sleep and then get back on the road. When they checked out five hours later, the manager handed them their room bill for $350.00. The husband exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. He told the manager that though it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly weren’t worth $350.00 for five hours. The manager nodded and told him that $350.00 was their “standard room rate.” The husband wasn’t happy with the explanation and demanded an adjustment to their bill. The manager then explained that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool, a workout room, and a sauna that were available for them to use. “But we didn’t use or have time for any of them,” the husband said. ”Well, they were here, and you could have,” explained the manager. The manager went on to explain that the couple could also enjoy their huge complimentary breakfast buffet before they leave. “We really do have the best breakfast around!” he said. “But we don’t have time for that and need to get back on the road!” the husband said. “Well, it’s there and you could have enjoyed it if you want…” the manager replied. The manager obviously unmoved by the couple’s pleas wouldn’t budge. Eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay the exorbitant amount. But he didn’t have the money so he asked his wife to write a check. She did and gave it to the manager. The manager looked at the check and said, “Ma’am, your check is only made out for $50.00!” he said. ”That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me!” she replied. “What?! I didn’t sleep with you!” exclaimed the manager. “Well, too bad. I was here, and you could have.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson