Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A gorgeous blonde was driving in her car on the highway. Eventually, she crashed into the car in front of her. When a policeman arrived on the scene and approached her, he asked, “Ma’am, are you ok?” She responded, “I’m fine Officer. This all happened because no matter where I turned there was a tree in my way! I went left and there it was and I went right and there it was again!” The officer leaned over and said, “Ma’am that was your air freshener…”

Silly Joke #2

Pam was talking to her friend Allie over a coffee at their favorite cafe. “It seems as if I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, “Say thank you… Sit up straight… Use your napkin… Close your mouth when you chew… Don’t lean back in your chair…” And just when I finally got my husband squared away, my kids came along!!!

Silly Joke #3

There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians. Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could the new pastor see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fundraising campaign was started to build a new assembly. All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. “I have only one condition,” he said. “At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.” The pastor gave his word and deposited the check. The next day the funeral was held and the pastor did not hold back. “He was an evil man,” he said. “He cheated on his wife and abused his family.” After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with, “But, compared to his brother, he was a saint.”

Bonus Silly Joke

Two newlyweds were riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, “Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.” “Good idea,” she says. “While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine (sea sickness medicine).” The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the gorgeous blonde clerk, “I’d like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please.” “Yes sir, she says, “but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A native American went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn’t like American Indians. The game warden ordered to the Indian to show his hunting license, and the Indian pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Oklahoma. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas huntin’ license?” The Indian reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kansas duck. This duck’s from Arkansas. You got a Arkansas license?” The Indian reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Arkansas duck. This here duck’s from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin’ license?” Again the Indian reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Indian, “Just where the hell are you from anyway?” The Indian turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, expert…”

Silly Joke #2

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. Then he said, “I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.” “That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut’.”

Silly Joke #3

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. ‘Fred,’ he replies. ‘Fred what?’ the officer asks. ‘Just Fred,’ the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and says he’ll give the biker a break and just give him a warning if he can give a good reason for only having a first name. The biker responds, “I used to have a last name but lost it. It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.  Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.” The officer then walked back way laughing uncontrollably giving him the warning as promised…

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They are playing in a play off hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make. She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match. On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, “I can’t believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my ‘willy’.” The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, “Maybe so dear, but it was much harder!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

I hope you enjoy today’s Silly Joke Friday filled with all Little Johnny jokes, that mischievous young kid always getting into trouble and saying things that make everyone uncomfortable!!!

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny was making his first visit to the hospital where his father was about to have an operation. As he waited with his Mom next to his bed while the Doctor began to prepare his Dad for the procedure, he asks the Doctor what is being put into his arm. The doctor explained, “Why that’s an anesthetic son. After your father gets this he won’t know a thing.” “Save your time, Doc!” exclaimed Little Johnny. “Mom always says, he doesn’t know nothing now!”

Silly Joke #2

A minister delivered his sermon in 10 minutes one Sunday morning, which was at least half the length of his usual sermons. He explained, “I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate a big portion of today’s sermon which I was unable to deliver because of it.” After the service, Little Johnny, who was visiting his Grandparents for the weekend, shook hands with the minister as they left and asked, “Reverend, if that dog of yours has any pups, is there any way I can have one to give as a gift to the minister of my church?”

Silly Joke #3

After church on Sunday morning, Little Johnny suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up.” “That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?” “Well,” Little Johnny replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to always stand up, yell and talk for long periods, than to have to sit still, be quiet, and do nothing more than listen…”

Bonus Silly Joke

“It’s no use Mom. Art never listens to me,” said Little Johnny to his mother after praying for a new bike for the millionth time. “Art who?” asked Little Johnny’s mother. “You know Mom! You pray to him all the time too! Remember…our father, who is Art in heaven…hallowed be his name…? Geez Mom! Why are we even praying to this guy if you can’t even remember his name!” Little Johnny replied angrily.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson