Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers in his private room alone with them. “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.” The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. “Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits!”

Silly Joke #2

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the manager asked. “When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years’ experience. Now we discovered that this is the first job you’ve ever had.” “Well,” the young man said, “in your ad you did say you wanted somebody with imagination right?!” 

Silly Joke #3

A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about his Mommy’s new baby. “Oh, yes!” the little tyke says. Having overheard some of his parents’ private conversations, he adds, “And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it’s a girl we’re going to call it Mary, and if it’s another boy we’re going to call it Quits!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor on staff took each one into his office separately one day to try and talk them out of it. He called in the woman and told her that the man had already suffered two heart attacks. She told the doctor that she didn’t care. The doctor called in the man and told him the woman was suffering from acute angina. “I know!” he said. “I peeked.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. “Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.”

Silly Joke #2

The President’s Chief Of Staff suggested the President do some much-needed public relations to boost his ratings. It’s decided to do that at a local nursing home in the Washington D.C. vicinity. The President begins his “tour” down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn’t seem to notice him. Sensing this, the President backtracks to the resident and asks, “Do you know who I am?” The little old man looks up from his walker and says, “No, but if you go to the front desk, they can tell you your name.”

Silly Joke #3

A single blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked: “For Men Only”. “I’m sorry, ma’am,” says the bartender. “We only serve men in this place.” “That’s perfect!” says the blonde. “I’ll take one please!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy?”Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

At my granddaughter’s wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly married couple?” I said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.'” The DJ then looked at my husband and said, “What do you think?” He said, “She’s probably right.”

Silly Joke #2

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium — he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?” The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.” “Well, that’s really sad,” says Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?” “No,” the man replies, “they’re all at the funeral.”

Silly Joke #3

Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn’t find her attractive anymore. “The more I get older, the more he doesn’t bother to look at me much anymore!” Mary cries. “I’m so sorry for you. I can’t say the same because the older I get, the more my husband stares at me and says I get more beautiful every day.” replies Jane. Mary immediately exclaims, “Well of course! That’s because your husband’s an antique dealer!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Jane and Ted got married at only 18 years old and went on to have 7 children. When Ted died of heart disease, Jane married again, and she and Bob had 6 more children. When Bob died suddenly after being killed in a car accident Jane remarried again and this time had 5 more children. When Jane finally died, after having 18 children, standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.” Ethel leaned over and quietly asked Jane’s best friend, Margaret. “Margaret, do you think he means Jane’s 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?” Margaret said, “Actually, I think he means her legs, Ethel.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson