Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny came running out of the bathroom in tears. “What’s the matter?” asked his father. “I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet…” Little Johnny said teary-eyed. “Okay, don’t worry, but we’d better throw it out…” his father responded lovingly. So the father fished the toothbrush out of the toilet and put it in the garbage. When he returned, the boy was holding another toothbrush. “Isn’t that my toothbrush?” the father said. “Yes,” said Little Johnny, “I think we’d better throw this one out too, because it fell in the toilet four days ago!”

Silly Joke #2

Two men were down at the pub talking. The first man said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible !” The second man says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God!” The “first man then said, “She thinks you’re God? What makes you say that?” The second man then smiles and says, “Well, every night I come home after work and sit down at the table where she places a burnt offering before me!”

Silly Joke #3

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species. The student looked at each of the birds’ legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got. Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?” With that the student threw his test on the professor’s desk and walked to the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn’t know every student’s name so as the student reached the door the professor called, “Sir, what’s your name?” The enraged student then pulled up his pant legs and said, “Well, why don’t you tell me buddy!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn’t contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o’clock that night. They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he’d been. The man replied, “I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That’s why I’m late.” The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, “I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You’ve been playing golf again, haven’t you?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1 (2 quick ones)

A blonde lady in the pet shop asks about buying a gold fish. The salesperson ask if she needed an aquarium. She replied, ‘I really don’t care what sign it is.’

A husband was angrily throwing darts at his wife’s photo tacked to his dart board in the basement. He hadn’t successfully hit it yet when suddenly his wife called to him downstairs.
Wife:  “Honey, what are you doing down there?”
Husband: “MISSING YOU, DEAR!”

Silly Joke #2

Store Manager: “I saw you arguing with that customer who just left. I told you before that the customer is always right!!! Do you understand me?!”
Salesclerk: “Yes, sir. The customer is always right.”
Store Manager: “That’s better. Now what were you arguing with the customer about?”
Salesclerk: “Well, sir, he said you were an idiot…”

Silly Joke #3

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, “Daddy, what is sex?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the “birds and the bees.” When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, “Why did you ask this question anyway?” The little girl replied, “Well, mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in a couple of secs.”

Bonus Silly Joke

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his testicles weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn’t know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon who had a terrible sense of humor walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, “We don’t know what to do with this baby.” So the chief surgeon took one look and said, “I think we might need to put him in the mental ward.” “Why would ever say such a thing?” asked the head nurse shocked he’d say such a thing. “Well…” replied the chief surgeon, “Take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A young pastor was sitting in his favorite restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter he’d just received that morning from his mom. As he opened it a twenty-dollar bill fell out. He thought to himself, thanks, Mom, I sure needed that right now. As he finished his meal, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post. Thinking that the poor man could probably use the twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE! So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next day, as the pastor enjoyed another meal at his favorite place to dine, the beggar tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young pastor asked him what that was for. The beggar replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty to one!”

Silly Joke #2

A man in his late 30’s rushes into the hotel lobby after exiting the elevator. He had flown in last night for a very important meeting this morning, which he was now running late for. He sprints up to the front desk and hammers on the bell. “Good morning, sir”, says the blonde receptionist who suddenly appeared from the office situated behind the front desk. “I’m in a hurry ma’am, could you check me out, please?” The blonde clerk stares at him, looks him up and down and immediately says, “Not bad, not bad at all!!!”

Silly Joke #3

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man at the pond there, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies where his lure wasn’t even fully in the water. “Tch Tch!” said the passerby to himself. “What a sad sight. That poor old man is never going to catch anything! I’ll see if I can help.” So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, “What are you doing, my friend?” “Fishin’, sir.” “Fishin’, eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?” The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to a bar nearby. He then ordered a large glass of beer. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and asked, “Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?” The old fellow took a big gulp from his tasty beer and replied, “You are the sixth today, my friend!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question: “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with a gun, how many would be left ?” “None.”, replied Johnny. “’cause the rest would fly off.” “The correct answer is four,” said the teacher. “But I like the way you think.” Little Johnny said, “I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ? “Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I’ll guess it’s the one sucking her cone?” “Nope,” said Little Johnny, “It’s the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson