Category: Silly Joke Friday

Today’s batch is dedicated entirely to one mischievous Little Johnny…you’ll see…

Silly Joke #1

A father asked his son Little Johnny if he knew how a person gets saved. “We’ll be saved by going to our church every Sunday,” Little Johnny said without hesitation. His father explained that going to their church each week would not save them. “Well, then, I think we better start looking for another church Dad!!!” replied Little Johnny.

Silly Joke #2

Little Johnny greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you, Grandma. Now maybe Daddy will finally do the trick he’s been promising us.” The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear?” she asked. Little Johnny replied, “Daddy told Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again!”

Silly Joke #3

The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah’s Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. “I’m going to describe something to you. Let’s see if you can guess what it is. First: I’m furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees.” The children looked at her blankly. “I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns.” No response. This wasn’t going well at all the teacher thought. Finally Little Johnny volunteered: “Well, since I’ve been coming here to this church, the answer is always Jesus for everything!!! But it sure sounds like you are talking about a squirrel…”

Bonus Silly Joke

One day a father and his 10-year-old son Little Johnny were on a bus, when Little Johnny noticed a redhead with huge breasts…” Hey Dad,” the son cried, “look at those boobs!” The father, a religious man decided shortly after that day to send his son to an all male military academy for an entire school year in the hope Little Johnny would learn some appropriate manners. When the school year ended and Little Johnny came home, the father decided to take him on another bus ride. When another woman with very large breasts sat across from them, to see if his son had learned any manners while away at the military academy, the father exclaimed, “Look at the boobs on that redhead!” “Forget that Dad!” the boy replied with a smile, “did you see the a** on that blonde bus driver!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. “The best thing for you to do,” the M.D. said, “is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women.” “Doc, I don’t deserve the best,” said the patient. “What’s second best?”

Silly Joke #2

Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it a practice to visit the classes from time to time. One day he walked into Miss Sandy Smith’s 4th grade class, where the children were studying American History. Mr. Jones asked the class how many states they could name. They came up with 40. Miss Sandy Smith helped them with four more by giving them some clues. Not impressed at all, Mr. Jones told them that in his day every student knew the names of all 50 states. From the back of the room Little Johnny suddenly yelled, “Yeah, but in those days there were only 13 states!”

Silly Joke #3 (2 short ones)

A husband was speaking to my wife one evening when he said, “You know dear, your underwear fits way too tight and is a little too revealing,” She responded, “Well, maybe you should finally start wearing your own then?!”

As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave, she said in frustration, “Why do I always have to pay you to be good? I wish you could just be good for nothing like your dad…”

Bonus Silly Joke

I had barely sat down in an airport stall when I suddenly heard a voice in the next stall over say, ‘Hi, how are you?’ While I’m not the type of guy to ever start a conversation in any men’s restroom, I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, albeit somewhat embarrassed, ‘Doin’ just fine!’ The other guy responded, ‘So, what are you up to?’ What kind of question was that I thought? At that point, I’m thinking this is getting a little weird, so I responded back, ‘Ummm, like you, I’m just traveling.’  I’m now trying to finish my business as fast as I could, when he asked, ‘Hey, would you like some company over there?’ Ok, now I was totally freaked out, so I immediately responded back quite sternly, ‘Look…… buddy, I think you got the wrong idea here.’ Then quite abruptly, he said nervously… ‘Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s some creepy guy in the stall next to mine who keeps answering all my questions!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Charlie’s wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before!” The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed.”

Silly Joke #2

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started yelling in excitement repeatedly, “Boeing! Boeing!! Boeing!!!” The passengers are getting disturbed and even the Pilot in the cock-pit hears the commotion. Annoyed by the goings on, the frustrated Pilot comes out and heads to her seat and says rather loudly, “Please Ma’am, be silent!” There was now pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the frustrated Pilot. She stares at the pilot in silence for a moment, then concentrates really hard, and all of a sudden starts shouting, “Oeing! Oeing! Oeing!”

Silly Joke #3

NASA had been interviewing professionals to select one candidate to go on a mission to Mars, except they wouldn’t ever be returning to Earth, as it was a one way trip. They were down to the last three candidates in a room together and were planning on choosing one of them. The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much they wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And I would donate it all to my alma mater — Harvard University.” The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked them the same question. “Two millions dollars,” the doctor said. “I want to give one million to my charity and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he said, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, “You give me three million, I’ll give you one million, I’ll keep a million, and we’ll send the engineer.”

Bonus Silly Joke (For Adults)

Three couples went in to see the minister of a very conservative church about becoming new members. The minister said that they would all have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. “A can of PAINT!!!” exclaimed the minister. “Yeah,” said the newlywed man. “She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then, well, lust took over.” The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome at his church. “That’s okay,” said the newlywed man. “We’re not welcome in Home Depot anymore either…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson