Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room. Since he didn’t want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, “The world’s strongest weight lifter,” and left it under his glass. When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said “Thanks for the treat!” It was signed, “The world’s fastest runner.”

Silly Joke #2

A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn’t think that he could have made it without his rosary and two martinis each day. With that the priest said to the Bishop, “Would you like to have a martini with me?” The Bishop said, “Yes, that would be nice.” The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, “Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?”

Silly Joke #3

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, “This is the worst book I’ve ever read! It has no plot and far too many characters!” The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”

Bonus Silly Joke

Two factory workers, a guy and a blonde were talking. “I know how to get some time off from work.” said the man. “How do you think you will do that?” said the blonde. He proceeded to show her…by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? “I’m a light bulb!” answered the guy. “I really think you might need some time off. Why don’t you go home and take a few days for your mental health…” said the boss. So, the man immediately jumped down and walked out of the factory. The blonde suddenly began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going? “Home. I can’t work in the dark!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Michigan Lawyer: “Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?”
Barney: “No sir. I ain’t got no money, but I do have me a 1928 Ford Car!”
Lawyer: “Well I’m sure you can raise money on that. Now let’s see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?”
Barney: “A 1928 Ford Car.”

Silly Joke #2

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says “What’s this?” She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.” He says, “Jeez…ohhh….I…” She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

Silly Joke #3

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

Bonus Silly Joke

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.” I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.” When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

“Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,” little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. “It’s the best present I ever got!” “That’s great,” said his uncle. “Have you learned how to play it then?” “Oh, I don’t play it,” the little fellow said. “My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night!”

Silly Joke #2

John had just gotten back to work after taking a two-week vacation and was talking to one of his co-workers. “Did you know that the longest drum solo ever recorded was 10 hours and 26 minutes…?” said John. “Really? No, I didn’t know that. That’s a long time!” responded his co-worker. “Yeah, and it was performed by the child sitting behind me on my Delta flight 963 from Tokyo to LA!!!”

Silly Joke #3

A man was walking down the streets of Washington DC one night. All of a sudden a mugger sticks a gun in his ribs and says, “Give me all your money!” He replied, “Do you realize I am an high level member of congress?!” The robber said, “In that case, give me all my money!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you by telegram since we don’t get any cell signal out there, and let you know to drive out after me and haul it home.” The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.” The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’” The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?” The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it very slow.”

And just because I laughed so hard at this one, here’s one for some quick adult humor…

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson