Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.  “Oh,” I said, “So now you’re speaking to me.” He looked confused,  “What are you talking about?”  “Haven’t you noticed I haven’t spoken to you for three days?” I challenged. “No,” he said, “I just thought we were finally getting along.”

Silly Joke #2

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr. Smith. He was delivering a pizza to his home. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: “What is the usual tip for delivery guys like you?” “Well,” replied the college youth, “this is my first ever delivery, I’m trying to earn some money for college, and the other delivery people say if I get a few bucks out of it each time, I’m doing great.” “Hmmm, is that so?” snorted Mr. Smith. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s fifteen dollars to help your college fund out!”” Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this towards my school fund.” “What are you studying in school anyway?” asked Mr Smith. The youth smiled and said, “Applied psychology.” as he walked away.

Silly Joke #3

If college students had written in the Bible, the Ten Commandments would actually have been only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font. Paul’s letter to the Romans would have become Paul’s email to [email protected]. The reason Cain killed Abel would have been because they were roommates. The reason Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years would have been because they never wanted to ask for directions and end up looking like freshmen. And instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it all off until the night before and just pulled an all-nighter.

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A penguin took his car to the shop to have it fixed. While he was waiting, he went into a cool ice cream shop nearby and ate an extra large cup of ice cream. Having flippers instead hands, he got the ice cream all over himself in the process. He then heads back to the auto shop and asks the mechanic what was actually wrong with his car. “Well it looks like you just blew a seal.” says the mechanic. The penguin totally embarrassed said, “It’s just ice cream, I swear!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, and immediately pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right, Honey, I’ve had a course in first aid!” The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part from your first-aid course that’s about calling a doctor, just know I’m already here ok?”

Silly Joke #2

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. “No,” the doctor said. “I did not check his pulse.” “And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer. “No I did not,” the doctor said. “So,” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.” The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk by that point, but for all I know, I guess he could be out practicing law somewhere.”

Silly Joke #3

Little Johnny, who always says the most inappropriate of things watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that to your face, mommy?” he asked. “Oh, this, it’s to make myself beautiful dear,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.  “What’s the matter then Mommy?” asked Little Johnny as he watched her remove it. “Are you giving up?”

Bonus Silly Joke

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?’ ‘Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. ‘I just wanted you to know they’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. “Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?” Little Johnny, who always says the most inappropriate things in class raises his hand and says, “To withdraw all his money from his savings account?”

Silly Joke #2

A golfer was having a tough day and in his frustration he blurted out, “I would give anything for a birdie on this hole.” A nearby stranger walked out of the woods beside the hole and whispered, “If you give up one quarter of your sex life, I guarantee you will make this shot. “The golfer said “OK.” He made the shot for birdie. A few holes later, he was having trouble on another hole. “Please, let me make this for eagle” he said. Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, “If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle.” “You’re on,” the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle. On the eighteenth hole, the golfer needed an eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said “If you give up the last half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win.” “OK,” the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round. As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, “I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex drive or sex life. “The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, “Nice to meet you, my name is Father O’Malley! And thank you so much!!!”

Silly Joke #3

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish country side with only a pet dog for company. One day, the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and said, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new denomination down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.” Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service there?” Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya’ tell me the dog was Catholic? I think we actually have an opening this Sunday during the service!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Jesus and Moses were teeing off on a 149 yd par 3, with water hazard. Jesus pulled out his wedge and hit his first ball into the water. “I don’t understand”, he said, “I saw Arnold Palmer hit a wedge to the green on this same hole yesterday!” Again he dropped a ball on the ground and repeated the shot with the same results…. Moses said,”Get a longer iron or you’ll never make it across” Jesus dropped another ball to the ground and repeated the swing dropping the third ball in the water short of the green. “That was my last ball!” Jesus remarked as he walked across the water fishing for his lost balls. A foursome approached the green and one man replied, “Who does that man think he is, Jesus Christ?” Moses replied, “No, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson