Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

Silly Joke #2

A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. So, she undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. “Darn it woman!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose everything?!”

Silly Joke #3

A blond went to a casino for the first time in her life and noticed a sign that said: “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.” Shortly after that she began playing blackjack and quickly dialed the number. When they answered she asked, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?”

Bonus Silly Jokes!

John: It’s my wife’s birthday today and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.
Jerry: So what did you get her?
John: Well, she’ll be happy to know I got the hint because I got her a magazine rack!

Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer enjoy coffee so much?
A: Because they’re Santa’s star bucks!

On her way back from the concession stand, Sandra asked the man at the end of the row, “Sir, did I step on your foot a few minutes ago when I left to go get some food?” Expecting an apology, the man said, “Indeed you did!” Sandra nodded, “Oh, good. Then this is definitely my row then!” as she passed by him and sat down.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.  ‘Come with me’, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. ‘Wow, thank you’, said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. ‘Wait, I think you are a little mixed up’, said the priest. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.’ ‘Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.’ 

Silly Joke #2

One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask “Why do we have to learn this stuff?!” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So, how does physics save lives?!” he persisted. “It keeps the idiots out of medical school!” replied the professor.

Silly Joke #3

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman’s death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: “Prophet, tell me when you will die!” The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, “I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later.”

Bonus Silly Joke

A mother and her 5-year old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?” The mother couldn’t think of an easy answer decided to pass it off onto someone else and told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was extremely busy at the time, politely smiled and said, “Did your Mom tell you to ask me?” The boy said, “yes she did.” “Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time and then have your Mom explain that to you ok hon?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. “So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Johnny replied. “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother. “Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!”

Silly Joke #2

A blonde, out for a walk, comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river, then shouts back, “You ARE on the other side silly!”

Silly Joke #3

Johnny: When my parents got divorced when I was a kid, it was kind of cool!

Adam: How can parents getting divorced be cool, especially as a kid?

Johnny: Well, we got to go to divorce court with them. It was like a game show. My mom won the house and car. We we all excited for her. My dad only got some luggage though. But at least he got a prize right?

Bonus Silly Joke

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom’s annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their lovemaking. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn’t stop. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn’t close a large suitcase. The groom said, “Darling, you get on top and I’ll try.”  That didn’t work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, “Sweetheart, you get on top and I’ll try.”  Still no success. Then he said, “Look. Let’s both get on top and try.” At that point the parrot quickly pulled away the towel with his beak and said, “Zoo or no zoo, this I gotta see!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson