Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Susie: My husband is such a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.

Jane: Well, my mother always taught me to beware of a man who can fix everything because you’ll never get anything new!

Silly Joke #2

Visiting the modern art museum one afternoon, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. “This,” she said, “I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?!” “No, Madam,” replied the attendant. “That one’s called a mirror.”

Silly Joke #3

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls”. Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, “Does that hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Bonus Silly Joke

Teacher: Class, did you know that the Jewish people have observed more than 5758 years as a people and that the Chinese have observed more than 4695 as a people as well? What does this mean to you?”

Little Johnny: “Well, for one thing, it means the Jewish people had to go without Chinese takeout for at least 1063 years!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold. A passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so. He said, a bit sheepishly, “I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this huge, flashing sign. Turns out the person helping me was standing in front of the ‘S’ on the ‘Shell’ sign!”

Silly Joke #2

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn’t believe in capital punishment and didn’t want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. “Madam,” he explained, “this is not a murder trial! It’s a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday.” “Well, okay,” agreed Mrs. Hunter quite abruptly, “I’ll serve! I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!”

Silly Joke #3

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.”
“Good. What comes after three.”
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. And what about what comes after ten?”
“A jack!” says lil’ Johnny quite proudly.

Bonus Silly Joke

An airline captain was helping a new blond stewardess get situated in her new job. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed her the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she obviously needs a little more guidance from him because she couldn’t get out of her hotel room. ” You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked a little shocked. “And why not?” The stewardess replied: “Well, there are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A man was in a terrible accident, and his ‘manhood’ was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for ‘small’, $6,500 for ‘medium’, and $14,000 for ‘large’. The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. ‘What’s wrong, did you and your wife discuss the procedure?’ asked the doctor. ‘Doc, we did talk about it, but she said she’d rather remodel our kitchen!’, said the man gloomily.

Silly Joke #2

A woman in her 30’s was taking her mother, who was in her 50’s, to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her 7-year old daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, “Don’t we look pretty today”, as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing. When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset and remained silent until they got back to her daughter’s home. Then the following conversation ensued:
Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, “Don’t we look pretty today”, while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?
Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn’t referring to your hairstyle or something?
Mother: Well, it still wasn’t appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?
Daughter: I don’t know. We’re you embarrassed?
Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don’t think he should have commented!
Daughter: I don’t have any FDS.
Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment…
Granddaughter: Oh Grammy, that’s my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!!!

Silly Joke #3

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she decided to teach the guy a lesson and announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, ‘Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?’ Not one hand went up..nor did the man come claim them at that point, so feeling satisfied, she took them home and ate them herself. Men just never learn!

Bonus Silly Jokes (I found three more today that were so corny, I just couldn’t resist myself!)

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?!” The sarge replied, “Well, he’s in Georgia now and they’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never be able to catch him.”

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. Looking at them, the wife said to her husband “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game!” Husband said, “Honey, I think you should watch them. You already know how to play volleyball…”

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted an attractive young lady. He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine could I use to really impress that pretty little lady over there?” The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I think I would try the ATM in the lobby if I were you.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson