Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. “Certainly madam,” he replied courteously. “Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary. “Sorry, no,” came the reply, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?” Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. “Hmm, the cauliflower and cheese special sounds interesting, I’ll have that,” said Mary. “Certainly, madam,” he replied. “And can I have breakfast in bed?” asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. “In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please,” Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk. “Morning madam…sleep well?”” Yes, thank you,” Mary replied. “Was all the food to your liking?” “Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese special was exceptional! But the eggs, though….they really weren’t that good at all,” replied Mary truthfully. “Oh…well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion,” said the receptionist. “OK, I will…thanks!” replied Mary….who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written which was oddly just one word…“Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!”

Silly Joke #2

A young couple decided to invite their very aged pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked Little Johnny in the other room, always known for saying the most inappropriate of things, what they were having to eat that night. “Goat,” Little Johnny replied. “Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?” “Yep,” said Little Johnny. “Dad told Mom yesterday that we really needed to have that old goat for dinner before it was too late, except I’m not too sure what they meant by before it was too late?”

Silly Joke #3

Therapist: “So why do you want to end your marriage?”
Wife: “Because I really hate all his constant star wars puns.”
Husband: “Divorce is strong with this one!”
Wife: “See what I mean!!!”
Therapist: “Yes. Wise one, you are. But I sense the dark side growing in you…”

Bonus Silly Joke

A handsome man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man had slid down his chair and under the table while the woman he was with acted unconcerned. The waitress thought something seriously inappropriate was about to happen in her restaurant as she watched the woman remain appeared calm and unruffled. After the waitress finished taking another order, she went over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but this is a classy establishment and I think your husband needs to stop doing something inappropriate under there. The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “Well I guess if my husband walking in the restaurant door just now is inappropriate, then I guess you’re right?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

While proudly showing off his new fraternity house to friends, a college student led the way into the great room. “What’s the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That’s the talking clock”, the new fraternity brother replied with a grin. “Let me show you how it works!” And with that, he gave the gong an ear-shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! IT’S 2:22 AM!!!”

Silly Joke #2

A daughter now out on her own calls her mother and asks, “Hey Mom, what do you think are some of the character qualities I should be looking for in a marriage partner? You know, for someone that I could spend the rest of my life with? The mother replied, “That’s a great question dear, but I think you should talk to your father, as he did far better than I did!”

Silly Joke #3

A man heads to the emergency room with several large bruises on his legs that was causing him to seriously limp. The doctor asks him what happened as he examines him. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball……..stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made a big mistake. “What did you do?” asks the doctor. Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks like yours!”

Bonus Silly Joke

John: Do you know my ex kept trying to humiliate me last night at a bar we ran into each other at?
Mike: Really? What did she do?
John: She kept telling her friends that I was a bad lover…
Mike: That sucks, didn’t that bother you?
John: Not really, because you should have seen her face when they all disagreed!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny, who always says inappropriate things and is quite mischievous, walks into 5th grade class late one day. His teacher sternly says, “Johnny, take your seat and pay attention to me very clearly, please do not walk into my class late again.” The next day Little Johnny comes into class late again but this time is on all fours as he enters. The entire class is laughing at his antics as his teacher says, “Johnny, just what do you think you are doing and I thought I told you not to come into class late again?!” Little Johnny responded, “No, you told me I couldn’t WALK into class late again. Today, I’m CRAWLING into class late. See, I did pay attention to you clearly!”

Silly Joke #2

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, the captain put it on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels about to attack. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” And once again the battle was on. This time, the Captain and his crew repelled both pirate ships, although this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battles?” The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound, and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed more pirate ships were approaching, 10 of them, all ready to attack. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!”

Silly Joke #3

There was an old priest who was sick of all the people in his local parish that kept confessing adultery. One Sunday, from the pulpit, he said in a weak moment, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’m officially retiring!” Well, everyone liked him so much they all agreed together to keep him around by coming up with a code word that when someone had committed adultery, they would use the word “fallen.” This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest eventually died from old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. People keep coming to the confessional and talking about having fallen.” The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word that even he knew about. Everyone had just gotten used to using it for so long in a town where adultery seemed to happen a lot. But before the Mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the Mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about! Your wife fell three times this week!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

Two country bumpkins, Earl and Ray, were sitting at a very rural bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. Earl looked out the window, and across the road sees a sheep has somehow gotten itself stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. He points it out to Ray and says, “I sure wish that sheep over there were the likes of Marilyn Monroe.” His friend replied, “I sure wish it were dark already Earl…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson