Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

After church, Little Johnny and his younger brother decide to go ice fishing. Little Johnny begins creating a hole on the ice when a voice from above says, “Young man, there’s no fish down there. You need to stop making that hole.” Little Johnny asks his younger brother, “Who was that?” His younger brother replied, “I don’t know Johnny.” Little Johnny shrugs his shoulders and starts to work again on making the hole when the voice suddenly says, “For the second time, there’s no fish down there. You need to stop making that hole!” Little Johnny then asks his younger brother, “Could that be God?” His younger brother replied, “I don’t know, maybe?“ Little Johnny shrugs his shoulder and continues working on the hole when the voice appears behind them. Little Johnny and his younger brother turn around and a man says, “Young man, for the last time, I’m telling you there’s no fish down there. Please stop making a hole!” Johnny looks up and asks, “Are you, God?” The man responded, “No, I’m the manager of this outdoor ice skating rink!”

Silly Joke #2

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative. “Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes.  “So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nodded. “Good,” said the coach. “Now, do you think you can you go over there and explain that to your mother?”

Silly Joke #3

A conservative religious mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried she might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s name, she consulted their family doctor for guidance on how to approach the subject. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop her daughter might result in rebellion. He suggested maybe her daughter would be open to taking birth control pills, but in the meantime, to talk to her and offer her a box of condoms. As much as that wasn’t the advice she wanted to hear, she thanked him. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for her date, her mother suggested birth control and handed her a box of condoms as well. Her daughter then burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother and said, “Oh Mom! You have nothing to worry about!!! Because I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, I’m dating Susan!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Joey’s 9th grade teacher sent a quick personal note along with his grades home to his mother that said, “Joey is a very intelligent kid, but he spends far too much of his time thinking about sex and girls and always seems to be talking about it with his friends, creating a lot of distraction for others. Joey’s mother took some personal time to write Joey’s teacher back and sent it off with Joey the next school day. When Joey’s teacher opened it, he read, “If you find a solution for this, please advise. Because I have the same problem with Joey’s father..”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1 (2 Little Johnny Jokes!)

Mischievous six-year-old Little Johnny comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “Don’t be angry,” the Mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and his mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and Little Johnny says… “Well, now she knows…”

“I’m worried about you always being at the bottom of your class Johnny,” said the father to his son Little Johnny, a kid who always said the most inappropriate of things.” “It’s alright Dad,” Little Johnny replied. “You know they still teach the same thing at both ends…”

Silly Joke #2

Judy: My boyfriend John was pretty rude to me last night, so I slapped his face. I felt totally awful afterward and was sorry I did it.
Trudy: Because you still care about him?
Judy: No, because he was chewing some tobacco in his mouth at the time I did it!

Silly Joke #3

Larry: Do you know my boss made me go into the office on Labor Day?
Seth: Really?! That sucks!
Larry: Yeah, and halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer.
Seth: What did he say?
Larry: He said, “You can’t drink while you’re working!”
Seth: So did you stop drinking?
Larry: No, actually I told him, “Oh, don’t worry – I’m not really working.”

Bonus Silly Joke

A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature Mr. Jones.” He complained as usual for being interrupted from what he was doing on his laptop, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. “No, I’m sorry,” the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I will be right back to check on this. Please stay in that position until I get back and do not move.” She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people constantly walking past his door, laughing. Ten minutes later, the man’s best friend showed up to see how he was doing and laughed. Angrily, his big-shot businessman friend said, “What, you’ve never seen someone get their temperature taken???” “Yeah man, I have, but I don’t think the carnation sitting in the center of your ass right now is going to accomplish that, although I do think you have a fever because it’s kind of wilting!!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets him and says, “Welcome. Come walk with me and I’ll show you where you’ll be living in your afterlife.”As they’re walking along the path there he notices clocks on a golden fence. He asks St. Peter, “What are all those clocks for?” St. Peter replies, “They’re clocks for every person in the world. They click once for each time you lie.” The man looked at them further and noticed each had a name on it with their profession below it. As they continued along, the man noticed something interesting, so he asked out of curiosity, “I haven’t seen any clocks of a politician or lawyer yet? Where are they? St. Peter calmly replies, “Oh, them…a ton of us have been using them as fans!”

Silly Joke #2

John and Martha Stewart lived in a rustic cabin without any electricity deep in the mountains. Thankfully they had a phone line, as late one night his wife who had been pregnant for almost the nine full months suddenly went into labor. A local doctor from around their hills was called in to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a tiny baby boy was brought into the world and John went to put the lantern down. “Whoa there, John!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put that down too soon, as I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby. John went to put the lantern down again when the doctor blurted out, “Whoa! Not yet Johnny boy, it seems like there’s still yet one more to arrive!” John scratched his head in bewilderment, and nervously asked the doctor, “Hey Doc, ya think maybe this lantern light ya gave me is what’s attracting them?”

Silly Joke #3

Three doctors died together in a plane crash are now waiting in line to get into the Pearly Gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, “What have you done to enter Heaven?” “I was a pediatrician who brought thousands of the Lord’s babies into the world.” “Good enough to enter the gates,” replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor. “I was a general practitioner who went to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor.” St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates. The third doctor already knowing the question, blurts out, “I was a very powerful director of an HMO who reviewed many medical files of countless patients.” St. Peter calmly responds, “You may enter Heaven…but your coverage only allows for 2 days here.”

Bonus Silly Joke

A man who always obsessively read the manual for everything he bought from a store was also a hypochondriac and germaphobe. One afternoon, he felt like he was running a temperature so he decided to go purchase a rectal thermometer knowing that was the best way to get an accurate reading. He stopped at his local pharmacy and purchased one from Johnson & Johnson. After arriving home and opening the package, he removed the thermometer and its small manual. Once he safely inserted the thermometer into his rectum, the man began reading the manual where its first line caused him to recoil in horror and quickly pull the thermometer out of his ass as it said, “Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson