Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Three men were waiting to go to heaven. Saint Peter was at the gate and said to all of them, “However good you were to your wife, that is the vehicle you will get in heaven”. The first guy comes up to the gate and says, “I never, ever cheated on my wife and I always unconditionally loved her”. So, Saint Peter gives him a Rolls Royce. The next man comes up and says, “I cheated on my wife a little but I always did my best to still show her all the love I could.” Saint Peter then gives him a Mustang. The next guy came up and said, “Sadly, I cheated on my wife a lot”. Saint Peter then gives him a scooter. Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying. He asked, “Why are you crying when you got such a nice car?!!!” The man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates!”.

Silly Joke #2

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car. After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. “What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband.” The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, “Good trade.”

Silly Joke #3

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.” The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper!” The father looked at him and said, “Okay son, why don’t you whisper in my ear then?”

Bonus Silly Joke

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. “WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. “ALL RIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, “Say partner, before you go…what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and *shock* he hadn’t bought her anything. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a shopping mall. Knowing that it was ‘now or never’, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of the shop assistant. When asked what he’d like, he simply says: “a Barbie Doll”. The shop assistant looks at him in a condescending manner and asks, “So Sir, which Barbie would that be?” The man looks surprised so the assistant continues, “We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99.” The man can’t help himself and asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99?!!” “Well Sir, that’s quite obvious!” says the assistant, “Divorced Barbie also comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s sports car, Ken’s furniture, Ken’s entertainment system, Ken’s workout equipment, Ken’s pool table and well, pretty much anything Ken has ever owned…”

Silly Joke #2

There once was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, she was wrong and she dropped like a rock, and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead! So, what’s the moral of this story? Never fly off the handle when you know you’re full of shi*t.

Silly Joke #3

A preacher was completing a fiery temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” He then abruptly sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us now sing Hymn # 365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”

Bonus Joke (Credit goes to my friend George C.)

Do you think that at the 12 Step recovery meetings for Arson’s Anonymous that they still ask at the end of each meeting if anyone has a burning desire?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up.”That’s Old Chief Forget-Me-Not,” whispers the man behind the desk reverently, “he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation.” “Why the weird name?” whispers the reporter. “Old Chief NEVER forgets anything that happened to him since he was a very young kid. Now he is 102. Fantastic memory.” Once the reporter has checked in, he decides to check out old Forget-Me-Not. “Hey Chief!” he calls, “What’d you have for breakfast on the morning of your 21st birthday?” “Eggs,” replies the Chief without even looking up. The reporter is so amazed, he jumps in his car and drives at least two hours over to where his other reporter friend is staying. Once telling the story over, both reporters jump in the car and drive right back two hours to the hotel, smelling a big scoop. On the way, the second reporter tells the first: “Why don’t you address the Chief more respectfully, so he’ll demonstrate to us more?” Following his friend’s advice, the first reporter greets the Chief with a resounding “HOW!!” “Scrambled,” replies the Chief.

Silly Joke #2

When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. “The first seven years are the hardest,” she said.”How long have you been married?” I asked. “Seven years,” she replied.

Silly Joke #3

The following was a true ad in the Atlanta Journal: “Single Black Female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.”Over 15,000 men were reported to have called and found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight week-old black Labrador retriever.

Bonus Silly Joke

A man walks in his room after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.’Who the hell are you?’ he yells. The naked guy replies ‘I’m the moth inspector’ ‘Oh yeah! what are you doing naked?’ He looks down and exclaims ‘Oh my god! I’m too late!’

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson