Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man came home one day and said to his wife: “Honey, what would you do if I said I’d won the lottery?”She sneered: “I’d take half and then leave you.” “Are you serious?!,” he replied. “Absolutely, in a heartbeat!” “Well I just hit 3 numbers and won $10. Here’s $5, pack your bags and get out!”

Silly Joke #2

Boss to the potential new employee: “We here are very keen on cleanliness! Did you happen to wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?”
Interviewee: “Yes, sir!”
Boss: “We here are also keen on truthfulness! There is no mat. I think we’re done here, thanks for coming.”

Silly Joke #3

Aaron: “My neighbor had the nerve to ring my doorbell at 3 am…3 AM! Can you believe it!?”
John: “Really, that’s so disrespectful! Did you answer it to figure out what they wanted?”
Aaron: “Heck no! I was in one of my best jam sessions on my drums at the time!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Lee wasn’t the brightest guy in the world, and his co-workers were continually ribbing him on the job. One in particular, Rick, would greet him each morning and precipitate this exchange:
“Say Lee, you seen Ben?”
“Ben who?”
“Ben’ down and kiss my a$$!”
Tired of falling for the same joke day after day, Lee confided in his friend Susie who said, “Listen, next time you see Rick, ask him if he’s seen Eileen. Rick will ask, ‘Eileen who?’, and you say, ‘I lean over and you kiss MY a$$.'”
Memorizing his lines, Lee went to work early to wait for Rick. As soon as he arrived, Lee ran over to him.
“Hey Rick,” he said, “have you seen Eileen?”
“No,” Rick answered, “she ran off with Ben.”
Lee frowned, “Ben who?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said, “Officer, I don’t understand, I wasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?” “Ma’am,” the officer said, “You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous.” “Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour”, the old woman said proudly. The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. “Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over.””Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 142”!

Silly Joke #2

A woman in her late thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?” The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old!” The husband replies, “What did he say about your 42-year old ass?” “Your name never came up,” she replied.

Silly Joke #3

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months as his time on Earth was nearing an end, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” “What dear?” she asks lovingly. “I really think you bring me bad luck!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” she said hesitantly, “it’s called sexual intercourse…” “Oh, okay,” said the boy and he ran outside to carry on playing with his friends. A few minutes later, he came back in and said angrily: “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom would like a word with you!!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge, enormous bear on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him… they kiss… and then they rip each other’s clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, ‘Well, how was it?’ The man says, ‘Well, you can have any prize from the bottom shelf…’

Silly Joke #2

Q: Daddy, why are all those cars beeping their horns?
A: Because they were just at a wedding.
Q: Don’t we beep the horn as a warning signal, Daddy?
A: Exactly, son.

Silly Joke #3

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked. “To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. “What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

Bonus Silly Joke!

Manny is almost 29 years old. His friends have already gotten married, but Manny still just dates and dates.Finally, a friend asks him, “What’s the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can’t you find anyone who suits you?””No,” Manny replies. “I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them. So, I keep on looking!” “Listen,” his friend suggests, “Why don’t you find a girl who’s just like your dear ole mother?” Many weeks go by and again Manny and his friend get together. “So, Manny, did you find that perfect girl yet–one that’s just like your mother?” Manny shrugs his shoulders, “Yes, I found one just like my mom, and my mother loved her, and they became fast friends.” “So, should I congratulate you? Are you and this girl engaged, yet?” “No, I’m afraid not, because now my father can’t stand her!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson