Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?” The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?” The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell???”

Silly Joke #2

A Silly Poem Titled The Perfect Man

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel and never mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man loves children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
And a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He’ll do anything in his power
To convey his love to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He’s a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain.
He will never make you cry
or batter you in any way
To hell with this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.

Silly Joke #3

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?””It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart!!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing.When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, “When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I’ll say ‘hell’ and you say ‘ass’.” The 4-year-old happily agrees. As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, “Aw hell, Mom, I’ll just have some Cheerios. The surprised mother reacts quickly. “WHACK!” The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, “And what would YOU like for breakfast?” “I don’t know,” the 4-year-old blubbers, “but you can bet your ASS it’s not gonna be Cheerios!”

Silly Joke #2

Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. He said, “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds.” When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having dropped almost twenty pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!”, the doctor told him. “You did this just by following my instructions?” The slimmed down Mr. Johnson nodded. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”“From hunger, you mean?” “No”, replied Mr. Johnson, “from skipping!”

Silly Joke #3

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman…… They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?” “Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, “What’s your name?”  He answered, “Shut Up.” He asked again “What’s your name?””Shut Up.” The police officer asked, “Are you looking for trouble?!” “Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago.”

Silly Joke #2

“I’m sorry doctor, I know this is highly unusual but I seem to have gotten a piece of lettuce stuck in my bottom!””Good grief” the doctor replies “I’d better take a look!” “It’s worse than that” the doctor finally says after the examination, “It looks like it’s just the tip of the iceberg!”

Silly Joke #3

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, ‘What do you have in your hand. ‘The boy said, ‘A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.’He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him, ‘What do you have in your hand. So, the little boy said, ‘A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.’ He was sent home and his mom asked him ‘What do you have in your hand.’ So the little boy said, ‘A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.’ He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, ‘What do you have in your hand.’ So again, the little boy said, ‘A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.’ Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, ‘Open your hands!!!’ And as the little boy did, he said, ‘Look Dad, now you scared the crap out of him!!!’

Bonus Adult Silly Joke

One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” the postman comments. Bob in obvious pain replies, “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing ‘Who Am I.'”The postman thinks a moment and says, “How do you play that?” Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our “privates” showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.” The mailman laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.” “Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up four or five times.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson