Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Q: What does the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle around Uranus and wipe out Klingons.

Silly Joke #2

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman.”Anything from $2 to $2,000.” “Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man’s neck, and said: “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket.” “How does it work?” asked the customer. “It doesn’t, but when people see it on you, they’ll talk a whole heck of a lot louder…”

Silly Joke #3

President Trump decided it would be a good time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home. He began his tour down the main hallway and passed by a little old man who didn’t seem to notice him. Sensing this, President Trump backtracks to the resident and asks, “Do you know who I am?” The little old man looks up from his walker and says, “No, but if you go to the front desk, they will be able to tell you your name…”

Bonus Joke (For adults only)

A man was lying in bed with his girlfriend. After having great passionate intimacy, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles … Something she just always loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, “Why do you always love doing that to me anyway?” “Because,” she replied, “I really miss mine.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Mozart’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, And it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.” So, the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth…the Fifth…” Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery. “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Mozart decomposing!”

Silly Joke #2

Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn’t find her attractive anymore.”As I get older he doesn’t bother to look at me!” Mary cries. “I’m so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day.” replies Jane. “Yes, but your husband’s an antique dealer!!!”

Silly Joke #3

A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: “Come down, Holy Spirit!” Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters: “Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?”

Bonus Silly Joke

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, “Come over here friend. You look like you’ve had a hard life and I’d like to buy you a drink.” The pirate came over and ordered rum.”Just out of curiosity,” the man said, “how did you lose your leg?” “Arrrgh!” said the pirate, “I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard for stealing a man’s rum.” “That’s just terrible. How did you lose your hand?” the man said. “Arrrgh!” said the pirate, “I lost that fighting cannibals off Madagascar under Admiral Hawk.” “Oh my!” the man said, “I can’t even imagine! How did you lose your eye?” “Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!” said the pirate. “WHAT?” the man exclaimed. “Is seagull poop dangerous?!” “Arrrgh! it was me first day with the hook!” said the pirate angrily.

Silly Joke #2

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves… “Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?” She said, “No?””Well”, he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.” And she didn’t laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, “I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!”

Silly Joke #3

A college student wrote a letter home: Dear folks, I feel miserable cause I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who had picked this up at the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back, but I was too late. A few days later, he received a letter from his father: Dear Son, good news! Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!

Bonus Silly Joke

A psychiatrist’s secretary walks into his study and says, “There’s a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he’s invisible.”The psychiatrist responds, “Tell him I can’t see him.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson