Category: The Spiritual Side Of Sexuality

There are many things I believe that can keep a relationship going for a period of time, but to last a lifetime I believe there’s only one, and that one is one which has been dividing my partner Chris and I quite a bit in recent years.

Many people begin relationships based upon physical attraction and physical compatibility. They go out on a date or two, feel that pull of pheromones and chemistry, and have sex because of it, falling into that pattern of trying to figure it all out after that. Some never even make it past the first date because of it. The longevity of relationships that start out this way usually isn’t for any great length of time, especially when the differences between them start showing up shortly thereafter and there’s nothing solid to hold them together. Many of them will end up breaking up or choosing to leave their monogamy behind to keep it going.

Other people begin relationships based upon emotional and mental compatibility. They find things in common and feel good that there’s someone just like them. They also share in empathy with each other, offering care and concern early on with all the pains and ills of life that befall them, that is until some irritation, some strong difference of opinion shows up. That’s when anger arises, as well as a lack of compassion and understanding. And once those negative traits show up, it’s not too long after that the couple begins to fall apart.

But for those who connect on a spiritual level, who truly believe in something Greater than themselves has guided them together, who seek to put that Higher Power ahead of themselves and their relationship, often has been the very glue I’ve seen hold couples together monogamously for decades upon decades. And no, I’m not talking about a religious practice holding them together, it’s far more of a spiritual one.

My Higher Power is God, and what I want the most in my life is to have a relationship be guided by God, on every level. It’s why I start every morning with the 7^th Step prayer from 12 Step recovery. And it’s why I ask God to show me empathy in every situation, even when my ego tries to say otherwise. My partner on the other hand is quite headstrong and often lives out of his thinking, making most decisions based upon what the best of his thinking can offer. That path has failed me time and time again when I’ve rested upon my best thinking, as my best thinking is usually no more than my ego making all the decisions.

While I believe everyone’s spiritual path to their Higher Power is a uniquely different expression from one another, it’s in the seeking of it that has kept me going monogamously with Chris for as long as I’ve been with him now. But I’m weary because I often feel my conflicts with Chris arise out of him coming at our differences with his thinking while I am doing my best to see it from my Spirit. My Spirit is what gives me empathy in those situations, not my thinking. And my seeking God daily is what helps me to see where I’m in the wrong, where I need to humble myself, and ask for forgiveness, especially when I’ve hurt Chris. But when one lives out of their thinking more than their Spirit, it’s hard to find any empathy or compassion in any conflict.

The couples I’ve talked with over the years who’ve lasted multiple decades monogamously together have always had this one commonality amongst them, that being a Higher Power guiding them both, together and separately. But without both doing this, without seeking something Greater, generally the ego takes over and people resort to seeking their own needs, wants, and desires, more than anything else. And when this happens, most relationships will fail, end up with constant arguing, resort to cheating, or lead to changing their status to an open relationship where they are with more than one sexual partner.

I love my partner, without a shadow of a doubt, and I definitely don’t want our relationship to fail, nor do I ever want to resort to cheating or be in an open relationship either. But to overcome all the conflicts we’ve been having for a number of years now, I know it’s going to take the both of us seeking God, together and separately, every, single, day, in our unique spiritual expressions, as doing so leads to finding empathy and unconditional love, no matter what our conflicts may ever be…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“WHO chief says monkeypox now a global emergency.” That was the first headline I read when I quickly glanced at the news the other day, which I rather regret now doing that. I don’t normally delve deep in the news anymore because it’s become so depressing these days. But, I did, and what I read in that article was deeply disturbing, not so much for the growing outbreak itself with this disease, but more so on what it’s being blamed upon.

In a study of 699 cases of it, the British Health Security Agency has claimed that 97% of them labeled themselves as gay, bisexual, or men having sex with other men. A number of other articles were reporting on the same statistic as well the more I looked into it, and while it wasn’t being labeled it yet, I worry it’s just a matter of time before this turns into being considered another “gay disease” by many.

Long ago before HIV became known as AIDS, the disease was known as “GRID”, or “Gay-Related Immune Deficiency” because most cases being reported early on were happening between men having sex with other men. That was a very tumultuous time for anyone who was openly gay or bi-sexual, as they became the sole source of the blame for the rapid outbreak and spread of a disease most didn’t fully understand yet.

While I was very young when AIDS was first being referred to as GRID, I eventually came to know many years later that many from the LGBTQ community who went through this period would experience a lot of hatred towards them. Most felt like lepers in society, especially if they came down with the disease. People also became afraid to touch any gay person, let alone go near them. There were plenty of hate crimes during that time period targeting the gay community because of the fear of this disease, which honestly really feels no different than how many Asians have been treated over the last few years due to the outbreak of COVID having originated in Wuhan, China. Sadly, people often place blame onto specific groups of people when tragic events occur that are out of their control and make them afraid. Blame that also becomes easier when the news and media, and even our very entertainment glamorizes it.

Case in point, I recently opted to watch the first episode of the new Queer as Folk reboot on the Peacock streaming channel. This show is based upon two predecessors, one English-based and one US-based, both having aired well over two decades ago now. Personally, the original versions helped me to immensely accept my sexuality and learn much about the LGBTQ community. This new version though, the primary focus in it is on anonymous and unprotected sex between males often under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Portraying things like this is what specifically fuels much of the fear in this country when many begin to believe that the only type of relationships men have with each other in the gay community is exactly what they see portrayed in the entertainment industry just like this.

So yes, I’m very concerned about a new outbreak of a disease that is already placing blame upon a culture I’m associated with simply because I have a same-sex partner. Except I am a monogamous individual and so is my other half, and neither of us are alcohol or drug users, yet I can see people just like us nonetheless receiving blame if this virus continues to spiral out of control, becoming yet another pandemic to hit our soil. I pray I’m wrong here, but sadly, history continues to show otherwise…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

A few weeks ago, I was invited out by my partner Chris to one of his work’s social functions they were having one Friday afternoon at a local restaurant. There, he introduced me as his partner to some of his co-workers and their significant others, all of which were heterosexual. At one point when another of Chris’s co-workers arrived and Chris was busy talking with someone else, I got introduced as Chris’s “friend”. I could tell how uncomfortable they were in the process, and I felt so incredibly awkward after that, I struggled to enjoy myself the rest of the time I was there. While I love my partner, Chris, truly I do, and while I can’t imagine being with anyone else presently, and even though I’ve been “out” for well over two decades now in a world that’s changed dramatically in its acceptance of sexuality, I still regularly struggle being myself and often find myself still wishing I was attracted to women specifically because of moments like this.

I know there are many of the younger generation in life now whom I see out and about that have way more acceptance of expressing their sexuality than I do. In fact, I was in a hip and swanky type of taco establishment recently where I saw a gay male couple in their early 20’s holding hands and showing loving affection to each other while they dined with a heterosexual couple in a very crowded restaurant. Many of my generation who are in same-sex relationships still aren’t that way though unless they are in a predominantly gay type of environment. That’s because we come from a time when gay bashing happened more than not and remaining closeted on some level was the safest thing to do. How many romantic moments of my life have come and gone at this point where I didn’t express my feelings to the person I loved over fears surrounding the expression of my sexuality is countless. After getting enough negative glances, judgmental comments, and religious lectures over the years related to my sexuality, it just became easier to hide whenever those moments happened, rather than express my true self to the one I loved.

Heterosexual couples never have to think twice about any of this. They can hold hands easily when out and about and share loving glances, winks, and smooches with each other, where no one will ever blink an eye. They can reserve vacation stays at things like a bed and breakfast or a boutique hotel and never wonder if the owner or manager might have an issue with their relationship. And they can always introduce themselves to new individuals or couples they meet without any sort of reservation, letting them know they’re an item, never having to worry whether it will be met with backlash. The fact is, they can be themselves in every situation without any concern, something I wish I could benefit from as well.

While I still hold my truth that my sexuality isn’t something I would have chosen if I truly had been given a choice in this life, I have come to accept it is who God made me from the day I was born. That doesn’t stop me from longing to be otherwise at times though, especially when I get labeled as Chris’s “friend” or when I get negative looks or comments under people’s breath when I show some sort of affection to him in public.

The fact is, I don’t enjoy feeling like I must walk on eggshells in this world surrounding my sexuality, most of which is grounded upon religious bias from scripture constantly getting misinterpreted. While that may indeed always be the basis for which judgment is placed upon those who aren’t heterosexual, I remain hopeful I’ll see the day when one’s sexuality doesn’t matter and what does matter is simply the expression of God’s love being shown between two individuals who truly do love each other…like I do my partner Chris.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson