Category: The Spiritual Side Of Sexuality

USA Today had an article on the front-page of its website the other day that was titled “First openly gay Episcopal bishop divorces husband.” After reading the first few lines of it, I began to wonder why a gay couple divorcing should even be front-page news.

Prior to gay marriage ever being legal in any of the United States, there was an average of 2 heterosexual divorces per minute when calculated out over the entire year. Rarely, if ever, did a single one of them receive front-page news unless it dealt with a famous person or couple. But here was a homosexual couple getting just that, and it’s not the first that I’ve seen in recent years. Some of the original same-sex marriages in various states where it became legal have also gone through divorce and they too made front-page headlines when it happened. So why have these very few gay divorces ended up receiving front-page treatment when the excessively large amount of heterosexual ones that are occurring every few minutes don’t?

Well in the case of the gay bishop, Gene Robinson, his original notoriety came from being the first openly gay man to be elected as a leader in the Episcopal Church in 2003. His election ending up causing a divide within the Episcopal community and resulted in formation of the Anglican Church. I remember celebrating his appointment after reading the front-page news all the years ago that covered this event. I saw it as a step forward in achieving full equality for the gay community. But zoom forward to over a decade later and now the news is focusing in on a sad time for the same man. His divorce from his partner only adds to a growing stereotype that gay marriages don’t last and this is the precise reason why many of the news outlets cover these types of divorces.

Case in point, as I mentioned already, there have been several divorces by some of those couples that fought for gay marriage rights in various states. And just as Robinson’s divorce landed front-page news, so too has each of these. The main picture that’s being painted with this is that same-sex couples aren’t strong and healthy and any of their marriages won’t last.

What’s disappointing is that there are plenty of gay marriages that have endured quite happily for years and years and are still together, but none of them have received any front-page news. The news also hasn’t covered the vast majority of the 2,400 heterosexual divorces that occur per day. So what’s the message that’s really being portrayed when the media shows another same-sex marriage is ending in divorce? It’s that a gay marriage isn’t that strong and won’t last unlike a heterosexual marriage. And although that’s a completely false representation of the real truth, it’s what people will believe.

It’s truly sad to say but people believe everything they read in those news headlines and all it does it polarize us all even more to opposite corners. The real truth is NOT that gay marriages are weak, it’s that ALL marriages BOTH gay and straight, are falling apart these days. Close to 50 percent of all marriages are ending in today’s day and age. That’s the real data and it’s not just about homosexual couples, it’s about heterosexual ones too. It has to make people wonder what the foundation was in of all of these divorcing relationships. I know it has at least in my case and I definitely know that when I get married, that my Higher Power will be at the center of it and not my ego and selfish desires.

Regardless, I pray that the media will stop covering these same-sex divorces because it’s only going to end up separating people in society with opposing opinions about equality and gay marriage. As an alternative, why not focus on all the happy marriages that have lasted for years and years, both gay and straight? Why not start covering the reasons why they have lasted so long? If we do, then maybe then we all might stop caring about whether gay marriage is right or wrong and instead place the focus on having better long lasting relationships…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

One of the first things I generally hear from those who hold an anti-homosexual stance in life is that it’s a choice people make to be gay. Sadly, there is a world of ignorance surrounding this stance.

First and foremost, it’s important to note that there are some people out there in this world who are truly bi-sexual. For them it really can be a choice on which sex they choose to be with. I must admit that if I were bi-sexual, I would probably choose to be with a woman because of the wide prejudice that still exists toward gay people.

Secondly, I also need to state that there are some individuals who do engage in homosexual relationships and behaviors because of deep-seated mental and emotional issues and traumas. I have seen this especially with those who have endured incest, molestation, and rape during there adolescent years. I once knew of a man who was extremely attracted to women, except a priest molested him very early on in life. While he did his best to maintain his marriage and raise a family of several children, a part of him continued to relive that molestation by re-creating the same experience with other men secretly throughout life. But there are plenty of other individuals in this world who are just like me, that were born with an attraction to the same sex and where it’s actually not a choice.

The earliest memory I have of my homosexuality was when I was walking around my Kindergarten class at five years old and shouting “I love boys” over and over again. While I can’t remember for the love of God why I was motivated to do that, I can still clearly see myself doing it. Not too long after that, in third grade, I remember a time when another class came into my own to watch a presentation. During it, I stared at another boy from that class almost the entire time. By the time I hit the fifth grade, I had met my father’s best friend whom he played racquetball with regularly. During the summers, we attended pool parties at his house and I found myself on one of those occasions changing in the same room as him. While I remember looking at him and being nervous he would catch me staring, I really didn’t want to look away.

Eventually, I hit puberty and began to pay even more attention to the guys I found attractive. I did my best to fit in with everyone else though because I saw in society that a man was supposed to be with a woman. So I began doing just that by causally going out on a movie date with a girl my own age. Unbeknownst to her, I was more interested though in spending time with an adult male diving coach on my swim team. I spent many occasions after practice talking to and admiring him. Unfortunately, the same man took advantage of me one day when we were alone by molesting me. This regrettably became my first same sex experience which did nothing but drive me further into the closet with an unhealthy idea of what intimacy was all about.

After an unsuccessful attempt to come out to my parents towards the end of high school, I went on to date many other women because that is what I was told I was supposed to do. I forced myself to be intimate with women and never felt much of a connection with any of them. In many ways, the sexual intimacy I had with a woman felt no different than when I was molested. It was rather empty and void of any real loving connection. Thankfully, I met someone in college who also was struggling with his sexuality. My relationship with him began to help me see I wasn’t so abnormal.

When I finally got sober from alcohol and drugs, I went into therapy to discuss my sexuality because I wanted to figure out whom I really was inside. I joined a gay bowling league and went to various gay-based social outings and through them I met my first partner. It was then I fully came out of the closet and accepted that my being gay was truly not a choice.

Being gay was something that was a part of me from as early on as I can remember. It was something that I avoided for years and years because of the people in society who held those anti-gay stances. Thankfully, I’m not afraid anymore to be open about my sexuality. I believe that God created me this way, not to maintain a vow of celibacy, but to be with one man who I can love with all my heart, mind, and soul. I accept who I am now and I know it’s not a choice. I’m just grateful I’m able to understand this today.

I want to finish this entry by stating something I’ve come learn from not only myself, but from many other gay people as well. If we truly had a choice in life, why would we want to choose to be gay when there is still so much persecution of us, where we still have to hide who we are more than not, and where we still have to fight to get equal rights? But alas, it’s not a choice; it’s just who we are and how God made us. I’m thankful I can accept that today, and I hope someday you will too…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

With the 2014 Winter Olympics set to begin in Sochi, Russia on February 7th, 2014, some fears have arisen lately surrounding all the gay athletes and fans planning on attending the games. Those fears are solely due to the fact that Russia currently has an extremely anti-homosexual stance in its country.

Much of the those fears have been linked to a law that was passed last year in Russia that outlawed any “propaganda” of “non-traditional sexual relations” among minors. The sad thing about this is that with the vague way this law was written, it potentially can affect any public display of homosexuality, including a symbol that represents gay pride, such as a rainbow pin.

In fact, this new law was put to the test only a week ago by a Russian citizen named Pavel Lebedev, who tried to open up a rainbow flag during a segment of the Olympic torch relay as it passed through his hometown of Voronezh. The Olympic security personnel quickly wrestled him to the ground and detained him until the police arrived, where he was promptly arrested.

Russian President Vladimir Putin, went on record recently defending the actions coming from his country’s new law. He proudly noted that Russia had more births than deaths in the past year since the anti-gay propaganda law was passed, as compared to the previous two decades there. However, in the midst of his comments supporting the anti-gay law, he urged that it would still be safe for all gay athletes and fans to attend the games as long as they stayed away from minors. He clarified this by saying that he feels homosexuality and pedophilia are linked, suggesting that gays are more likely to abuse children.

What’s ironic in his statement is that I’ve had personal experience with someone who felt the very same way towards me. A long time ago when my sister came to stay at my former bed and breakfast with her sons, we had to separate them in different rooms at night due to their adolescent fighting. Sometime during the night, my sister’s husband called and proceeded to scream at her when he learned that one of his sons was sharing a bed with me for the night. He told her in rage that all gays were pedophiles and wanted his son out of the bed immediately that he was sharing with me.

First and foremost, I want to personally note how repulsed I was, and still am, at the idea of ever sexually abusing anyone. Having been a former molestation victim myself, I would never want to put anyone through the pain and angst I had to go through to heal from that tragedy. Second, and just as important, there have been many independent studies in the United States that have shown that the majority of pedophiles are actually heterosexual males.

Regardless, it saddens me that my sister’s husband and people like Putin, hold such negative views towards gay people inside. It’s truly disappointing to see how this anti-gay stance is still shared by so many others in this world today.

All of this reminds me of what women, black people, and other minorities have had to face throughout history in just about every corner of the planet. I believe the source of all this racism has always been fear. People are so afraid of change and they do everything they can to try to keep things the way they are. In our country, white people were so afraid that black people would lash out and try to take control over them, that they in turn viscously oppressed them to prevent that from happening. Today, countries like Russia, and many who claim their Christian seem to be doing the very same thing, but it’s now towards gay men and women.

Can you imagine how different this world might be today towards homosexuals if Jesus had blessed a same-sex relationship by saying it was acceptable in the eyes of God as long as they fully dedicated their love to each other? Alas, that’s not the case though; at least it’s not something that’s depicted in the Bible we read today. And unfortunately, there are too many political and religious leaders who take the few passages that do exist in the Bible and interpret them as they see fit to state that God frowns on homosexuality. They bash gay people by linking us to sex offenders and telling us how we’re comparable to acts of bestiality.

But what those gay bashers don’t realize in all their hate is that it’s changing the hearts of many others to start embracing gay people. It’s also causing people to have more compassion for all the minorities of this world who have gone through or are still going through their own struggles for true acceptance and equality.

So, hopefully one day, there will be a lot more love and light on this planet where all racism and discrimination will completely disappear. And hopefully one day, no matter what your race, color, sex, religion, national origin, age, disability, and sexual orientation is, that all will treat you equally and fairly.

Until then, I pray for people like the gay athletes and gay fans who are heading to Sochi in a few weeks. May God protect each of you and may you all be surrounded with love and light.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson