Another War, Another Step Away From Peace

Air war in Syria could last years.” This is one of the news headlines I saw recently for the latest warfare our country has begun. While our motivation in this one is to defeat al-Qaeda-linked terrorists and Islamic State fighters from Syria, the sad reality is that it’s only going to create more of what it’s actually trying to prevent in the long run.

I think it’s important for me to say first and foremost that I support my country, I really do. But I don’t believe in any type of war, including this latest one against the radicals in Syria. Obviously our goal is to help bring greater peace to this country, except peace will never be fully achieved through violent means such as this. Any peace that ends up appearing to be achieved in this way is really only a temporary illusion. The only reason why I believe I can safely say this is due to all the innocent casualties that occur from any type of war. Let me explain this a little better.

As I write this, I’m sure there are bombs being dropped and guns being fired in Syria. And while some of those terrorists and radicals are probably getting eliminated in the process, there are most likely others who are going to escape that initially had no desire to be part of this battle. But when they suddenly see loved ones killed, there’s a good chance they’re going to become consumed with anger and rage, and when that happens, another extremist is instantly born. Sometimes this might happen instantly if the person is old enough, and sometimes it could happen much farther down the road. Either way, this is how many of these militants come to be and their only desire from that point forward is usually to take down the oppressor, or if you prefer, the bully.

In all actuality, going to war is like being a bully, but on a much larger scale. The goal of a bully is usually to scare everyone into submission, leaving them in total control of everything and everyone. While many will put up with that control because of fear, there are always those who end up fighting back again and again until the bully suffers or is taken down.

In this case, I can almost guarantee that this air war is only going to affect our country down the road and I dread that thought completely. We’ve already been through enough incredible tragedy with the events on 9/11/2001, much of which I believe was a rebellious act from those our country formerly bullied on some level.

The simple fact is that all war is only going to breed more war. To achieve that end goal of creating peace, our country, and all countries for that matter, has to become peace itself. I pray to my Higher Power that somehow, someday, we may all see this truth. But until then, my heart goes out to all the innocent people on both sides of this latest act of aggression who may either end up perishing or watching other loved ones perish in the process. May we all just find more forgiveness in our hearts instead of turning to anger, rage, and more war in this world, as then and only then, will we achieve the peace we seek.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Jail Cell Of Unforgiveness and Bitterness

Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime…”

This is a quote I saw recently on a wall located within a local Salvation Army shelter. It’s one that definitely grabbed my attention enough that I took out my phone to capture a snapshot of it before I left. Why? Because unforgiveness is something that kept me locked away in a jail cell of my own making where bitterness was the only thing there that reigned supreme within me.

I honestly thought it was ok at the time to never forgive a diving coach who molested me, a father who committed suicide, a mother who drank herself into a deathly fall down the stairs, or an ex-partner who had such serious financial struggles in life that it eventually led to the loss of a business we owned together. What I didn’t see though in being unforgiving to each of these people was that the only person getting hurt in doing so was myself.

Living in that jail cell of bitterness was how I actually hurt myself. That’s because that bitterness was really nothing more than me just living with resentments. And like I say in life time and time again these days, all resentments are nothing more than just poison to the soul.

This poison I’m speaking of is the anger that arises out of that bitterness and resentment. When harbored long enough, anger will become like cancer to the body. It will eat away at a person until all the healthy parts are gone. My own lack of forgiveness to those people who had harmed me truly did eat away at me from within until I became so consumed with negativity that I even held bitterness towards myself.

Through the help of my Higher Power and the 12 Steps of recovery, I was given a key to leave that self-made jail cell once and for all. That key was in practicing forgiveness and today I do that anytime I begin to feel bitterness towards anyone or anything, including myself.

So please don’t allow your own ego’s to fool you like I once did. Unforgiveness might feel justified in the beginning when you get seriously hurt, but in the long run, the only person that’s really going to suffer from practicing it is you. Always send love, forgiveness, and peace to anyone you ever feel bitterness towards, and I can promise you that your life will feel a lot freer than if you don’t…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Buying Your Friends

Has your self-worth and self-esteem ever gone so low that you resorted to buying your friends?

Sadly, I can answer yes to this question, but I learned a very valuable lesson in being this way for years. Anyone who allows themself to be bought time and time again, were really never a friend to start with.

The image I like to paint most often of this is of the barfly who has money to spend every night they go out on the town. Week in and week out they frequent some establishment buying round after round of drinks for various people. They become quite popular with the other patrons so much so that the stools around them are rapidly occupied each time they are there. There never seems to be a dull moment in their life at any of the places they go out for a drink and conversations always appear to be plentiful to them. But one day when their money runs out, they head out to one of those bars only to find once there, that they’re sitting alone and completely friendless.

I remember those days when I’d regularly say “The drinks are on me!” and I was instantly surrounded with loads of people who wanted to spend time with me. Unfortunately, I never got to learn the lesson that barfly learned during my own days of drinking, as I never ran out of money like they did. When I became clean and sober, my self-esteem and self-worth were so low that I honestly believed I didn’t have much to offer someone to want to be my friend. Much of that related all the way back to me being the nerd that no one ever wanted to be around in my early grammar school years. Regrettably, I’d go on for a very long time after this finding innumerous ways to buying my friends.

Whether it was constantly paying for someone’s dinners or movies, or taking someone on an all-expense paid vacation, or giving frequent gifts to someone, or loaning money to someone who I knew was never going to pay me back, or having sex with someone I really didn’t even like in that way, it became a habit to buy my friendships in ways just like these, all because I had such an incredibly low self-esteem and self-worth. And when each of my parents died and left me some inheritance money, this habit only grew worse.

I’m not exactly sure when it was that I fully woke up to the fact that many of the “friendships” I thought I had were actually not friends at all. If I had to guess, it was probably during the time I was hanging out with this Harley-Davidson biker guy. During that period, my mental and emotional health deteriorated greatly and the only things I received from this friend while that was happening were either criticisms of my state of health, demands for free meals, or requests for money to borrow. When I refused to offer anything except my company, he was consistently nowhere to be found.

Thankfully all of that led me to finally work on my low self-esteem and low self-worth enough to the point where I learned how to unconditionally love myself. Because of that, I now enjoy spending time alone and don’t feel the need to do things anymore such as buying my friends. While I may not have too many of them in my life at the present time, I believe the few who are there treasure my soul and my company more so than anything.

So if you happen to be someone like I once was, who is regularly buying your friends, you may want to take a moment, breathe, and start working on improving your self-esteem and self-worth. As the more you do, the more you will find yourself unconditionally loving that which you see in the mirror every single day. And the more that continues to happen, the more you’ll find friends coming into your life, not because you’re buying their friendship, but because your heart and soul is that amazing they are drawn to that and that alone.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson