Category: Words To Live By

Have you ever dreamed so big that you wondered whether it might be too lofty and impossible to obtain? I have, but I also believe in that age-old saying, “If you build it, they will come.” The only difficulty I’ve had in continuing to believe that though deals with how my ego keeps getting in the way, but more on that in a bit.

It’s definitely true that my dream is pretty big and it’s something I’ve been slowly working on for the past 18 months. That dream is to eventually have millions of people following and healing from my words I write daily in this spiritual blog, www.thetwelfthstep.com. Whether that ever happens or not is truly up to God, as I know the most I can do is what I’m already doing, and that’s to keep on writing.

Writing is without a doubt one of my greatest passions in life right now. I consistently feel so much better after composing any one of these articles. It makes me feel like I’m actually accomplishing something in life, especially at the moment, because it’s really the only job I have. And although this job is not paying me financially in any way, I continue to do it solely for my love of writing and for my dream with it.

I’ve always been told to dream big because doing so acts can act as a motivational tool. In my case, it certainly has. Writing each and every day for the past year and half has definitely pushed me beyond my limits and motivated me on a daily basis. What began as just a homework assignment to journal a few of my spiritual walks in life has turned into something so much larger, one I’m still unsure of where’s it fully heading.

Quite often I find myself getting frustrated though at the fact the statistics on my blog are showing very little traffic. My spiritual teacher consistently has to remind me that while it’s good to have my dream, my focus should be on continuing to write from my heart and not for my ego.

She’s right you know. Every time my frustration has arisen, it’s always been related to my ego wanting to be recognized for all the hard work I’ve been putting into this blog. But why do I need to be recognized? The fact is I don’t. I didn’t begin this blog for that reason and I haven’t written hundreds of thousands of words just to become someone important in this world. I’ve written all of them because it’s been helping me to heal from a life of spiritual sickness. While I don’t believe it’s being egotistical to have the dream I do, writing for that reason alone positively would be.

So do I still hope for my dream to come true one day with this spiritual blog having many more followers. Absolutely. But I know the only thing I’m meant to do right now is to keep building it one article at a time and for each of my words to come from my heart and not the ego. As only then do I believe I’m staying on the spiritual journey I’m meant to be on, which is the one where God can work is His mysterious ways to make big dreams like mine one day come true…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Recently, it’s been brought to my attention that an individual has been talking quite negatively about me behind my back, both inside and outside the recovery rooms. There is a term for this, it’s called backstabbing, and it’s a serious character defect. Thankfully my Higher Power helped me to part ways with it several years ago, but unfortunately, there are many others, such as this individual, who haven’t.

“The sick don’t know their sick” is a phrase that first comes to mind anytime I hear that someone is backstabbing another, whether it’s a person in recovery or not. I say that only because of my own past personal experiences in doing it. For years, I went to meetings and talked a good game. In other words, I said all the right things about what to do in recovery and truly believed I was doing them. I honestly thought my recovery was top notch. The problem is that it wasn’t. I was filled with so many character defects that I was completely oblivious to how sick I still was. And regrettably, backstabbing others was one of those defects that caused me to remain sick.

I never thought talking negatively another person behind their back, was a bad thing to do. Often, I wasn’t even aware I was doing it, which is the case with many sick people like I was back then. In my mind, I was always just venting my opinions about those people, thinking it was completely harmless. But it wasn’t. Often my backstabbing comments reached those people and hurt them immensely. Even worse, a few of them were newcomers who relapsed because of it. I’m grateful that my relationship with my Higher Power today is strong enough to not let that happen to me because of this individual’s words. But just as important, I know my recovery program is much more solid today because the words being said aren’t causing me to be angry and react. In the past though, they definitely would have.

Another reason why I believe I’m not getting angry or reacting to this person’s backstabbing of me is that I know what’s being said isn’t true. The fact is that most people who get angry and react when someone is backstabbing them is because there is some truth to what’s being said of them. I should know because much of what was said of me behind my back in the past was true, I just didn’t want to look in the mirror to see that truth.

It’s unfortunate that this individual doesn’t see just how sick they still are, as much as it was for me all those years I was the same exact way. But a simple truth in all of this is that most people who backstab another are only jealous of them in some way. There’s something in those people they’re talking negatively about, that they want within themselves. My first sponsor always told me that when people start talking negatively behind your back, it means your recovery is working and theirs isn’t. I am so thankful I remembered her words as it’s helped me to have compassion for this individual.

So if you think it’s healthy to talk negatively behind someone’s back, it’s not. Please understand the only thing you’re really doing when you’re backstabbing another is hurting your own recovery and possibly theirs. It’s a serious character defect that can only be eliminated through a spiritual transformation by your Higher Power and thankfully, mine has done that for me. Hopefully this person will allow their Higher Power to one day soon do the same for them as well. Until then, I will continue sending them love, forgiveness, and peace as I know that is what my Higher Power would want of me…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’m sure the first time I heard the spiritual saying that “The teacher will appear when the student is ready” I probably just rolled my eyes. I’m also just as sure the only reason why I would have done that at the time was that I wasn’t ready to learn anything from anyone.

Rarely in my addiction-fueled days was anything in charge of me except for my ego. To put it rather bluntly, the only teacher I had during all those years was myself. There of course were many moments when various people tried to teach me something, but I was always so caught up in my self-centeredness that anything they said would only go in one ear and out the other. That all changed by the end of the summer in 2007 though when my pain became great enough from living that addiction-laden life.

It was late in August when I had just landed in Massachusetts after a month-long whirlwind trip overseas. I felt completely broken inside so I decided to contact my only remaining recovery friend in the area. He invited me to come to his next AA home group that Friday night and I accepted. As they say in AA, I was so tired of being sick and tired, that I became willing to do anything to feel better. In the past, I would have scoffed at the idea of going to a meeting on a Friday night, but not this time. When that night came, I was emotional mess and truly wanted to stop feeling that way. When the meeting ended that evening, a woman approached me and said she was willing to be my sponsor and help guide me through the 12 Steps, but only if I was completely willing to do the work. I was so incredibly depressed that I was ready to do anything I needed to do to heal, so I said yes. Lorraine was the name of that sponsor and she became the first teacher I was ever willing to listen to and be a student of in life.

I spent around two years learning the 12 Steps from Lorraine. She was a wonderful teacher who knew when to give praise, and when to give me a swift kick the in the butt. Ironically, I was the first male sponsee that she ever had. Old timers in recovery always say when it comes to sponsorship that it’s, “a male for a male, and a female for a female”. But that didn’t work for me. I didn’t trust men given that one had molested me at a very young age. I somehow believe that my Higher Power knew this and led Lorraine to break that sponsorship guideline and help me. The fact is I was definitely ready to be a student at that point in my life and the teacher truly did appear at that time because of it. Sadly, I eventually parted ways from Lorraine only because I allowed my ego to resume control all over again.

It took me four more years of allowing that until my Higher Power guided the next spiritual teacher into my life. Her name is Manin and oddly enough she had been a part of my life since the latter part of 2005. I was first introduced to her back then when I needed help to heal on a holistic level from something. Unfortunately, once that was taken care of by her, I kept more distance than closeness from her during the course of the next seven years. The reality was I wasn’t ready for the caliber of work I’d go through under her guidance. Instead, I only sought her support in crises mode to help me put out the fires I kept creating in and around my life. She was always able to do that and give me wonderful spiritual advice as well, but most of it I failed to heed because I kept on allowing my ego to stay in charge. Ultimately, my pain became so great from being that way, that my willingness returned to be a student again. That was in April of 2012, and since then Manin has been my spiritual teacher who has helped guide me so much closer to not only myself, but also my Higher Power.

I’m fully convinced that the teacher does appear when the student is ready because I’ve seen it happen twice now in my life. My Higher Power guided both Lorraine and Manin into my life at the precise times when I was ready to be a student. The key though was that I had to become willing to do whatever it took to spiritually heal and grow, as that’s when my teachers have always appeared…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson