Words To Live By – Page 135

How Well Do You Really Know Those Closest To You?

How well do you really know those whom are closest to you? Whether it’s someone you’ve considered to be one of your best friends for a long time, someone you’ve been dating for quite awhile, or someone you’ve been married to for years, are you honestly able to say you know a lot about them? Sadly, many of you probably don’t even though you might think you do.

I used to like watching The Newlywed Game on television when I was growing up because it was always apparent when a husband didn’t really know his wife very well, or vice versa. On many of the cruises I’ve been on over the years, they’ve held a similar version to this game but the couples don’t have to be married. During many of those shows I’ve watched how many partners have gotten frustrated at their other halves for not knowing some of the most basic details about them. I’m quite sure that if best friends could take part in that very same type of show, the same principle would end up holding true. The reality is that too many of us don’t truly know much about those whom we spend a majority of our life with. So why is that?

Could the simple reason behind that question be that we are frequently more focused on our own selfish interests and agendas instead of really getting to know those closest to us?

For years I called many individuals my best friends and I rarely knew anything about them at all. With some, I was only concerned about my sexual interests in them. With others, I was only interested in some gift or talent they could offer me that I didn’t have to offer myself. In either case, the bottom line is that I was mostly focused on what I could get out of them instead of fully getting to know them. It’s sad to say but that’s also true with all the people I dated or became partners with in the past as well. My life was often so selfish that I missed out on great opportunities to really get to know those whom I was spending the majority of my time with.

Thankfully, I am a much better listener today and spend a lot more of my moments getting to know those whom are closest to me. I do believe I know my best friends and my current partner a lot better now as compared to those who used to be a close part of my life. What’s changed is that I’m not so self-absorbed anymore. I don’t have hidden agendas. And I very much care about those I spend time with. What that means is that I do my best these days to get to know each of the people in my life on a much deeper level and I have to thank my Higher Power for getting me to this point.

I decided to end this entry with a set of 20 questions from various sources online that are just some of the basic information we realistically should know about those whom are closest to us. I hope each of you will take the time to answer them with those whom you are spending a good portion of your life with. If you find you can’t answer the majority of them, are your needs, wants, and desires taking a higher priority over getting to know those you say you love? A good remedy to changing this is to start listening a lot more to those people and you could start now by getting them to answer these questions…

1. What is their favorite ice cream flavor?

2. What is their biggest pet peeve?

3. What is their most favorite thing to do for fun?

4. What is their favorite color?

5. What is their dream job?

6. What is their dream vacation?

7. What is their favorite movie of all time?

8. What is their favorite book of all time?

9. What is their favorite hobby?

10. What is their favorite type of food?

11. What is their favorite meal?

12. What is their favorite restaurant?

13. What is their favorite television show of all time?

14. What is their favorite store to go shopping at?

15. What is their biggest challenge they face in life?

16. What is the most difficult thing they’ve ever had to go through in life so far?

17. What is their least favorite thing they have to do in life?

18. What is their main goal in life?

19. What is their Higher Power?

20. What time of the year do they enjoy the most?

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Learning How To Live More In The Moment

I hear people all the time say how they wish they could live more in the moment. It’s something that challenges so many, especially those with undisciplined minds. There is one tool though that can help to reverse that and it’s meditation.

In recovery, meditation has become a regular part of my life due to the 11th Step. But before I ever found the 12-Steps, I learned how to do it on my own. I took the drastic path by forcing myself to sit without movement for hours on end and focus on my breathing, even when my mind was screaming at me to move or do something else. The level of physical pain that I was carrying was the initial motivation for doing so. I had tried just about everything else to make it go away, but nothing worked. Meditation did though and it also showed me how my mind was just like a young puppy. It wandered from one thing to the next, sniffing this and sniffing that, and never being able to sit still with any one thing. Through practice, I learned how I became that way in the first place.

Ironically, I came into this world, as did everyone else, being able to live quite successfully in the moment. But as I grew older and watched my parents and their programming and patterns, I began to see how they constantly worried about the future. Eventually, I started following suit by worrying about the next day, the next week, or even the next year. All of that just created my own negative programming and patterns that mimicked my parents and kept me from living in the moment. When it became a daily occurrence for me to worry about the future, I developed chronic anxiety. That’s all anxiety really is in all truthfulness, it’s when a person is unable to stay in the present and have constant fears about their future. When a person does this with their past, they develop chronic depression instead.

Meditation is a tool that can prevent that from happening. It works to keep a person living in the moment, or simply in the present. It forces the mind to focus on what’s happening right here and right now. In the beginning stages of learning it, it’s often extremely challenging to sit there and not move. The brain screams out how much it hates doing it and it can even cause more pain in the body to surface. But don’t worry though, I’ve never heard of anyone injuring themselves by doing meditation.

The best image I can give here as to what happens in the brain when a person first attempts to start meditating is this. Picture a speeding care that’s racing down the road that suddenly has to brake hard for a red light. It usually comes to a screeching halt doesn’t it? That’s about what it looks like in the brain when it’s constantly thinking about this or that and going a mile a minute when suddenly a person tries to sit down and meditate for the first time.

To learn how to live in the moment through meditation takes practice and a lot of it too. It does get easier over time, no different than if one was trying to learn how to ride a bike. It’s not like anyone ever got on a bike for the very first time and was instantly able to do it with perfection. Ok, well maybe there might be an odd fellow out there who did so, but in most cases, riding a bike or learning anything new takes practice.

I’ve been meditating regularly now since 2003. I even went on a 10-day silent meditation retreat many years ago. All of it has helped me to learn how to live in the moment a lot better. It’s also helped me to see the subtle things I was doing without even realizing it like shaking my leg with great rapidity when sitting. It helped me as well to remember the things my eyes saw throughout the day in great detail. Ironically, it even helped me to recollect my dreams when I thought I wasn’t even dreaming.

There are many other wonderful health benefits to meditation and truthfully, it can improve one’s entire life on every level. Which technique will work best for someone is something they need to discover on their own though. I’ve usually found it best that beginners start with guided meditations because another person’s words can help to initially keep them better focused. Over time though, it’s best to sit in silence and try some of the other techniques that include breath work, counting, mantras, and the awareness of body sensations.

Currently I spend 30 to 45 minutes each morning doing my own meditations. I encourage someone brand new to meditation though to try initially for five minutes. As time goes along, it will get easier to go for longer periods. Trust me, I never thought I could do it for even that long, but I did and have since gone for as long as four hours in a row.

Meditation can truly benefit everyone. So if you should ever find yourself struggling to stay in the moment or are dealing with things such as anxiety or depression, I encourage you to begin learning how to meditate. Start by taking just five minutes of your time to try it. In doing so, you just began the path of reprogramming your mind and learning how to live more in the moment.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Some Of The Nicest Gifts Don’t Cost Even A Single Penny

Receiving gifts can be wonderful and such a nice gesture of love from one person to another. Personally, I love giving them a lot more than receiving them these days, but being unemployed has made my ability to do that rather challenging. Thankfully though, I’ve realized some of the nicest gifts actually don’t cost even a single penny.

For some reason, it’s easy to overlook the nice gestures of love we receive as a gift. But truthfully, they are. Early on in an intimate relationship, they are quite common and we do them so naturally. Unfortunately, many of those things start slipping away from our regular behaviors, as we grow comfortable in those relationships. Instead, we turn to purchasing gifts for holidays and birthdays and maybe even a special occasion here and there to remind those close to us we still love them. It doesn’t have to be this way though.

What are some of the things that we might do when we meet a new friend or start some type of a new relationship?

Maybe we’re friendly, kind, open to listening, and always make it a point to offer comfort. Many forget that doing so is a gift…

Maybe we make breakfast in bed, cook a favorite meal, or prepare some food or drink item that’s special.