Category: Words To Live By

I’ve been deep in thought about a comment that a dear friend of mine made a few days ago through an e-mail he sent me. In it he stated there’s an underlying theme in most of my blog entries that seem to surround the pains and struggles I’ve been through in life. That is definitely a true statement. But he also wondered if in doing so, that I was constantly trying to play the victim on some level.

By definition, someone who plays the victim is when they practice exaggerating or distorting a memory or description of events so as to cast oneself as unjustly treated, hurt, abused or neglected. To put it in a simpler way, it’s when a person seeks out sympathy from others by constantly blaming someone or something else for their problems and troubles in life.

To be completely blunt, playing the victim is by far the furthest thing I’m trying to do with any of the words I write in this blog. The reason why I share the way I do in each of my entries is solely because I’m trying to connect to all those people in this world who feel that no one understands what they are going through. Some of the very issues I’ve gone through in life are things that people just don’t want to talk about openly. Many feel alone in this world much in part because they won’t share openly about these types of things. They feel they have to hide them, but in doing so, they also end up feeling utterly alone inside and that no one understands them.

So while some close to me have argued that I share way too much in my writings, what they don’t understand is how much it’s helping others to not feel so alone in this world. They also don’t realize the amount of freedom, growth, and healing I’ve been getting from writing in this way either. Look, I have no secrets today and I feel much closer to God because of it. I started this blog as a homework assignment from both a therapist and a spiritual teacher who suggested that it would help me heal. When I began writing in it, I never really thought anyone was going to read it. But as time moved forward, I was proved wrong on that notion and saw that my sharing so openly about my life was somehow not only helping me to heal, but others too.

I know that it may seem at times with some of my entries that I’m very frustrated. I would venture to say that the theme in most of those probably had to do with the physical pains I still am dealing with. Please understand that I write about that very subject in the way I do because it has helped me to make it through those days when I feel most like giving up. I’ve found that in writing about my physical pain on those days that it’s forced me to look for the positive and also helped me to turn my day around for the better.

So as I continue to write about any of the pains and struggles I’ve had throughout life, I encourage each of you reading about them to take a moment, breathe, and realize I’m not trying to play the victim in doing so. While there WAS a time in my life where I lived this way more than not, the present is definitely not one of them. I truly don’t blame anyone else for what I’ve been through or am still going through, nor do I wish to have anyone’s sympathy for it either. My only hope in writing the way I do, beyond my desire to heal and grow closer to God, is for all of you to do the same.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s New Year’s Eve, and tomorrow is a day that often holds a lot of significance for people. For some, it will mark the end of the shopping madness that began around Thanksgiving. For others, it will simply be the last day before the holiday season is considered officially over for one more year. But then there are all those out there who are going to begin some annual pledge to themselves by creating a New Year’s resolution.

“I’m going to quit smoking starting on New Year’s Day.”

“I’m going to quit drinking starting New Year’s Day.”

“I’m going to start eating less desserts beginning New Year’s Day.”

“I’m going on a diet to start losing all this weight starting New Year’s Day.”

“I’m going to start saving more money beginning New Year’s Day.”

“I’m going to start watching less TV beginning New Year’s Day.”

New Year’s Day holds such a significance to these people who create resolutions like this for themselves. Weeks, sometimes even months are spent prior to New Year’s Day delving into what they might give up or start doing on that seemingly magical first day of the new calendar year. The ironic thing about doing this is the amount of energy these same people will spend prior to that date doing that thing as much as possible.

Let’s take the desire to quit smoking as an example. Back when I was still regularly smoking cigarettes, I found my health rapidly deteriorating the more I did it. Even though I continued to state again and again that I needed to quit, I didn’t. But New Year’s Day would loom around the corner each year with my renewed vow that I would quit smoking beginning on January 1st. As that day got closer and closer, I’d go from smoking a few cigarettes a day to almost a pack a day. My ego always convinced me that if I smoked more that it would cause me to be sick of it by New Year’s Day. It made me believe that in doing so, I’d have a greater desire to quit them. But I never did. On one particular New Year’s Day, my father even threw in several thousands dollars as a bonus if I would quit the habit for at least six months. I guess he was hoping I would quit smoking permanently if I went 180 days consecutively without a cigarette. Guess how long it took me that year to pick the habit back up after my father’s six month contract passed? Less than 24 hours! And the longest I ever went without a cigarette for any other New Year’s resolution where I tried to quit it was only a few weeks.

The same thing held true for anything else I’ve ever tried to give up or start doing on New Year’s Day. On many January 1st’s, I would attempt to quit drinking. Or I would attempt to stop looking at porn. Or I would attempt to start eating healthier. Or I would attempt to work out a set number of days a week. Or I would attempt any number of other things. My intentions were always good but they never lasted. As soon as I made even a single slip with any of those resolutions, the new pledge to myself would quickly fall apart. Truthfully, it was never more than a short period of time after the first slip before I’d return to the exact same person I was before beginning the resolution.

So why didn’t these New Year’s resolutions stick for me?

And why is it that I’ve rarely heard of success stories from anyone else who made a New Year’s resolution for themselves?

The answer to those questions can be found in what I saw through all of the ones I attempted to set for myself each New Year’s Day. I never had any long term success with any of them, ever. I learned through their failures though, that I was always trying to change things in my life because of something outside of myself, such as a magical date. It wasn’t until the pain got great enough inside myself where I became willing to quit or start whatever I needed to, and they would consistently happen on dates I never planned for.

One of those happened for me on June 10th, 1995, when my life had deteriorated so greatly from the alcohol and drugs I was putting in it. The pain and anguish from them had become so great on that day that I became truly humble, probably for the first time in my life. It was then that I got on my knees and asked for God’s help. That day became the last one I’d ever put any alcohol, illegal drug, or cigarette in my system.

I’m very grateful for all the changes like these that have manifested in my life through the pain I’ve gone through. I’m also grateful that I’ve learned the real truth about making resolutions, especially New Year’s based ones. As you reflect on whether to still make one or not, I ask you to remember only this. The real changes in life are made when you are truly ready for them to manifest from within. And they often come when enough pain has built up in your life that you become willing to do just about anything. Please understand that relying upon some magical date to make changes is only going to set you up for failure, disappointment, and looking for another date down the road to try again.

So maybe the resolution you should be making this year is to not make one at all. Instead, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and then pray to your Higher Power for direction to begin the New Year. I can promise you in doing so, that it will bring about all the changes your heart and soul truly seek, and they’ll manifest when they are meant to and not because of some magical date.

Happy New Year’s Everyone!

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s taken me a couple days to collect my thoughts and write about an incident that occurred back on Christmas Day. It’s something that in today’s digital age seems to becoming more and more common. And it deals with a downfall that comes from an invention we all refer to today as texting.

Originally known as the Short Messaging Service (SMS), texting has evolved greatly since its inception back on December 3^rd, 1992. It was on that day the first text was sent to a mobile phone and it contained only two words, “Merry Christmas”. And ironically, that’s exactly the two words that were missing from so many of my friends this year on Christmas Day, solely because I didn’t have SMS active on my mobile phone.

It’s been over two years now that I haven’t had the texting feature active on my cell phone. Initially I made the decision to remove it because I was using it to enhance my former addictive lifestyle. To put it bluntly, I was using it for what people refer to today as “sexting”, which was sending sex-based text messages out to others. It was rapidly becoming a growing problem for me so I removed the feature to prevent it from happening. Unfortunately, in doing so, it also cut me off from the expanding number of people who are choosing each year to use texting as their only mode of communication. And that became quite evident to me this year on Christmas Day when I didn’t even hear from one of my closest friends.

Unbeknownst to me, he made the decision this year to send out “personal” text messages to those he cared about sometime during Christmas Day. I placed the word “personal” in quotes simply because too many in this digital day and age feel that sending a text message is a personal thing. Twenty-one years ago, the personal thing to do on days such as Christmas Day was to pick up a phone and call those you loved and cared about to wish them a Merry Christmas. In fact, it really was the only way, other than receiving a holiday card in the mail, to do so. But with the invention of text messaging, every year the amount of people who are using the phone on the holidays is decreasing, as they become more in favor of sending a quick text message instead. This is precisely what my friend chose to do this year so that he could focus on spending time with his immediate family.

While I’m all in favor of doing actions such as that, his decision also saddened me because it was the first Christmas Day since I met him in 1997 that I didn’t hear from him. Some might say that it was my fault because I don’t have text messaging on my phone. But truthfully, receiving five or so words on a digital phone screen that wishes me a Merry Christmas doesn’t quite have that warm holiday cheer. I have always truly treasured those brief phone calls on Christmas Day from the ones I love. And isn’t that a lot more personal in nature than receiving a brief text message that says “Merry Christmas, have a great day!”?

People are saying too much these days that they’re too busy, especially on the holidays, to be bothered to make phone calls and have a few moments of conversation with anyone. Yet what people don’t see is the ever-increasing amount of people in this world who are feeling more and more alone inside. Depression continues to rise and the use of anti-depressants is also on the increase. Has anyone put thought to the idea that maybe this is partially due to how we’re communicating with each other these days? Maybe it’s because we are pulling away from the behaviors that once linked us all so closely together, such as picking up the phone and wishing someone a Merry Christmas instead of texting it?

I’m really undecided at the moment on what to do about this in my own life. Do I add texting back to my phone so that people like my closest friend could have reached out to me even on a minimal level on Christmas Day? Or do I remain old fashioned and at least do my part in calling all of those I love and wishing them a Merry Christmas, even if it always seems to be on their voice mails.

I don’t have that answer right now but I certainly pray that others might start realizing like I have, that there are some downsides to texting and the way we are communicating with each other these days. Until that happens, regardless of whether I’ll ever add texting back or not, I choose to continue making phone calls on special days like Christmas. As it’s in each of those calls that I can do my part in letting those I know and love, how I feel about them and how much I pray that God will bless their holiday.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson