Category: Words To Live By

I love when I hear a story about an individual in this world who steps up during a time of crisis to help out in any way they can and where they have no expectation of receiving anything in return. Chris Cox is an example of such a person who has been spending his days and evenings picking up trash, cutting grass, and blowing leaves to keep walkways clean that the government currently is not doing because of the shutdown.

A native of Mount Pleasant, S.C. and living just outside Washington D.C. in Alexandria, VA, Cox visited one of the representatives of his native state, Rep. Mark Sandford, to voice his displeasure with the shutdown. While Sandford assumed the visit from Cox would be the end of it, he was greatly surprised to find Cox flying his state’s flag and maintaining the grounds around the Lincoln, Vietnam, and World War II memorials shortly after his visit.

When Cox was asked by a radio station why he was doing the grounds maintenance, he simply responded, “These are our memorials. Do you think that we’re just going to let them go to hell?” He also told the station that he’s not motivated by politics but wanted to keep the memorials looking tidy for the veterans who were going to be arriving for a planned Million Vet march on Washington. Sadly, he was approached by a US Park Service Officer who told him he needed to cease and desist his grounds maintenance even though the park service wouldn’t be maintaining those areas for now.

I want to first congratulate Mr. Cox for stepping up and volunteering his time to cover a job that has been affected by this U.S. Government shutdown. This is a terrible time that has many people out of work and wondering when they will be able to return to their jobs. Obviously of those currently on furlough, are the people who would normally be doing that grounds maintenance which Cox was covering. So I just find it so completely ironic that while the government can’t come to agreement on the fiscal Federal budget, it still has the audacity to direct a U.S. Government employee to end an upstanding citizen’s quest to helping out the government free of charge.

Imagine for a moment if everyone stepped up and starting doing similar things like Cox did to help out in areas that have been affected by this government shutdown. Would the government then tell each of those people to stop what they’re doing also? It really is sad that a man couldn’t do this one action from his heart in this country without being prevented by the government from doing so. While I’m sure it most likely has something to do with liability, the truth is that Mr. Cox was doing a thankless job and a favor for the government.

Nevertheless, for the brief period of time that Chris Cox did volunteer his time and maintain those memorial grounds, I consider him an example of a hero in our country. To me, heroes are those people who step up and offer some part of themselves to achieve a greater good without asking for anything in return. Mr. Cox did just that. I certainly hope for our government’s sake that they will pass this fiscal Federal budget soon so that things like those memorials and their grounds will begin to be maintained once again. It’s then that people will be able to continue truly appreciating all of their beauty and the symbolism they represent which was to honor our country’s hero’s who had hearts just like Chris Cox.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’ve come to the conclusion that too many people are often misguided when it comes to the right time for them to give advice to someone else for a problem or situation that other person is facing. What they don’t understand is that not everyone wants or needs it at the time they’re offering it. And in too many cases, the only person who ends up feeling better after it’s given, is just the person who gave the advice to start with.

A fact that many advice givers frequently overlook is that all too often they’re giving advice for situations they don’t really know much about at all. For three years now, I have endured many people who have given me their two cents on how I should be handling the pain I’m going through. Usually that occurs when I’m having a particularly difficult day with it and I’m wearing a long face because of it. In those moments, I’m generally asked by at least one person why I’m so down. After telling them, I always start to cringe when they begin to say the words such as “Have you tried…”, “Have you looked into…” or “Have you thought about…” That’s only because what follows after those words is a suggestion of something I’ve already tried. They failed to realize my full situation and the amount of paths from A to Z I’ve already attempted to find healing. So the result of their advice only ends up being more frustration for me and possibly greater feelings of hopelessness.

There’s also the other case of those advice givers who find it’s relatively easy to offer their opinions for a situation they’re not currently facing. But look what happens to them when the shoe is put on the other foot and now they’re in that same exact situation themselves? Isn’t it ironic that they have trouble at that point taking their own advice? It’s then they find out their own car they’re driving has its blind spots just like that person had who they were trying to hammer their advice into for the same problem.

In my spiritual walk, I have learned there are two principles that make for a much better way to approach those moments where advice might be given. The first is that a person gives advice only when they are asked for it. And the second is that advice is to be given only when it can be properly received. I have battled with adhering to both of these principles throughout my life and have seen the damage that my advice can cause another person when I don’t follow these guidelines. Most of the time that has happened is when I gave my advice to someone who hadn’t been asking for it or when they’re weren’t in a place to fully grasp and understand my suggestions.

This makes me think of someone I’ve tried again and again to help see how bad of a relationship they’re currently in. Often my advice giving process to them has started out because they were in despair about some aspect of their relationship. I often took that as a sign that I needed to intervene. But what I failed to see each time was that my attempts to jam my advice and opinions down their throat was no better than how their bad relationship was being to them already. While all they were wanting was someone to listen to them, they were getting instead some two bit advice that did nothing more for them except to make them angry, become silent, or respond with “I know, I know!” in frustration. I’ve come to learn that the best thing I could be doing in each of these situations is to instead be an open ear that listens to them and a shoulder to cry on. Doing either is an example of unconditional love and each are way more powerful than what any piece of advice can do for the other person. In the case of any friend who has been in a bad relationship, offering them constant love could lead to them becoming open to your advice and asking for it, or it could end up being the sole reason why they eventually leave that bad relationship.

So the next time you find yourself observing anyone else’s difficulties in life, such as a bad relationship, health issues, or anything else, before you start giving them advice, try to remember two things. One, you might not know everything about their situation and what they’ve already gone through with it. And two, you definitely aren’t living in their shoes so you can’t surely know what their blind spots are preventing them from seeing in their problem. If you should choose to proceed forward anyway by offering them your unsolicited advice, you may end up hurting them instead of helping.

Thus, the best advice you can give is initially no advice at all. Instead, take a moment, breathe, and just be there for that person by offering them your unconditional acts of love such as an ear to listen to, a shoulder to cry on, or a warm embrace. You may find in doing so that they become more open to asking for your advice, or quite possibly, it may be exactly all they ever needed to help them see a solution to their problem all on their own.

 

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever heard of the saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? I know I have. And as much as I don’t like to admit it, I have found there to be some great truth to this cliche. Unfortunately, up until now though, it seems as if I’ve been drawing into my own life most that fall into the reason or season category, but rarely a lifetime and sometimes I have felt rather lonely because of it.

Currently, I’m 41 years old and other than my sister (who really doesn’t count because she’s my family), there is only one person in my life who could fit into the “lifetime” category. His name is Cedric and he’s stuck by my side through thick and thin as my closest friend since 1997. While our friendship has gone through its many ups and downs since then, somehow it’s sustained all of it and we’ve been able to remain the best of friends. There are times though that I have been wondering lately if those connections between two people which last for a lifetime are because of a will greater than ourselves making it so? Is it a Higher Power that somehow causes this to happen? I don’t have the answer to that, but I know that in my many attempts to carbon copy this friendship with others I’ve met, they’ve resulted in them only lasting for a reason or season and nothing more.

I’ve lost count of the number of people in my life that have come and gone who I once thought were going to be just as close to me for many years to come like Cedric has been. Over the years, there has been quite a number of people I have called a close friend, who I became inseparable with and where I thought they would last for the rest of my lifetime. Sadly, none of them have. I’ve come to accept that some were probably driven away by my own addiction prone behaviors, where others most likely left because I was often too selfish and self-centered. I also know a few most likely ended solely became they became too unhealthy for me to be around. But the hardest ones for me to accept have always been the ones that dissipate for no apparent reason and where I never get to find out why. Recently, this very thing has happened to me and it has caused me some pain that I seem to be having a hard time letting go of. This is actually my second attempt to write about this, as my first became a long and drawn out sob story that I found to be rather dramatic, so I’m providing a quick summary instead so as not to bore you.

The long and short of what happened is this. I met a friend at an AA meeting on a visit to my partner back in the spring of 2012. We connected very quickly because of the talks we had about God and he grew quite excited about developing a great friendship with me. And we did just that, by spending much time hanging out together both at meetings and with our respective partners doing things socially. Zoom forward 18 months later, and it’s been 3 months now since I have heard from him. All of my attempts to reach out and contact him have gone unanswered and the last time I saw him was back in June at a meeting that came after three consecutive days of him canceling plans he had made with me.

Because of my relationship with my Higher Power today, I always look at my side of the street to see if there is something, anything, that can lead to things like this happening to me. But in the case of this friendship, I know of nothing that I did which could have led to its demise. So the only solution I came to, in letting this pain go, was to turn it completely over to my Higher Power through prayer. So here it goes…

Dear God, I pray that you bless this friend that you know I am talking about right now. Regardless of the pain I have of losing yet another friend, I am grateful to you that he helped me to feel welcomed for a period of time in a city that I was totally new to. And I am grateful as well for all those moments he embraced me warmly and assisted in establishing my solid footing in an area that I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to do so in. I thank you for providing me a friend for that reason alone and even for the fact that it lasted for about a season. For now, I fully close the door to this connection and turn it completely over to you. Whether it should ever re-open is entirely up to you now God. Either way, I am grateful for whomever You should choose to be in my life from this point forward, regardless of whether it becomes a reason, a season, or a lifetime…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson