Category: Words To Live By

Have you ever had a confrontation with someone where your ego was screaming at you that it’s all their fault, but deep down inside you could feel your heart and soul trying to whisper just the opposite? I actually had one of those situations arise during an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) retreat I was on this past weekend where my own heart and soul had to end up wrestling my ego for resolution of a conflict that transpired between another person and myself. But before I mention the specific details of that situation, some background information might be useful for the re-telling of these events.

This AA retreat I was on actually had a name for it and was called a Matt Talbot weekend. Matt Talbot is actually the name of an Irish man from Dublin, who had become addicted to alcohol at a very early age in life around the turn of the 20th century. He later experienced a spiritual conversion and went on to lead a life of sobriety because of it. These retreats have been established based upon his spiritual experiences and are an opportunity for recovering alcoholics to enhance their spirituality and sober way of life, in a setting that promotes fellowship and sharing throughout the weekend. The people who attend these retreats are all recovering alcoholics. There are many different Matt Talbot groups that have been formed over the years in the United States, Canada, and Ireland and each continue to hold retreats throughout the year to helping those in AA recovery.

Today, I belong to Group #70, which meets at a retreat center in the mountains of New Hampshire twice a year. This wasn’t my initial group though as I first experienced a Matt Talbot retreat around six year ago in a different location with Group #5. And those experiences from that first retreat became the driving force for the confrontation that ensued this past weekend between this other man and myself.

It started late this past Saturday evening while I was sitting at a table playing some cards after the events for that retreat day had ended. I had begun a conversation by asking one of the other card players if they still went on Group #5’s retreats. He responded that he hadn’t in awhile but planned on going back. I proceeded to ask some of the other people sitting there if they too still attended #5’s weekends. None of them did and I took that moment to say I was glad that I had found #70 because of what had transpired during that one and only #5 retreat I had attended. Without anyone even asking, I explained I had been gay bashed by a member of that group behind my back during that weekend and hadn’t experienced much in the way of fun activities and fellowship there either. Suddenly from behind me came the stern voice of man who identified himself as someone who currently holds a position for that group. As he walked out of the room in frustration, he said in anger that I should be more aware of my surroundings. My ego quickly took control and tried to defend itself as I verbalized my irritation again about that guy who had been anti-gay and said things being my back. As my retreat brother left the room pissed, his last words were essentially to get over it.

For the next hour, the conversations I held with the people around me were all about trying to prove that it was his resentment and that I held no fault in the matter. Over and over and over again, my ego came up with all the reasons why I should be entitled to my opinion about my experiences from that #5 retreat. But there was a small nudge that continued to occur within me that kept trying to show me the part I played in this confrontation. My ego wasn’t having it though, so after an hour of getting nowhere with it trying to convince everyone I was right and that man was wrong, I decided to head to my room and pray instead. This alone was a major step of growth for me as I know that not more than a few years earlier, I wouldn’t have cared at all about that man’s feelings.

As I kneeled in my room and prayed, I asked God for guidance. And it was in those moments of silence, I realized I was still harboring a resentment towards that man from Group #5 who hadn’t liked gay people. I even became aware that I had in turn spent years bashing his group any chance I got because of him. Immediately, I prayed for love, forgiveness, and peace for that man who hadn’t liked my sexuality. I did the same prayer for Group #5, as well as for the other man who had gotten in the confrontation with me and I immediately felt better. The next morning, I asked God if an amends was in order and then went into my daily 35 minute meditation. It was during that meditation I received a very strong and resounding yes, as well as the words to use for that amends. Shortly thereafter, I found that man and did just that. And ironically, he made an amends back to me as well, and the two of us ended it with an embrace. As we walked away, heading to the next event, I felt a thousand times better than the previous evening when my ego had me in its grips.

All too often, during confrontations and storms like this that can happen in life for any of us, our egos do their best to take over control on how we react in them. It’s during those heightened moments where it’s always best to step away from the situation temporarily, to take a deep breath, and then to seek guidance to a Higher Power through prayer. In doing so, not only will the heart and soul be able to wrestle away that control from the ego, you will also end up feeling in the end, so much lighter and so much brighter.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Just the other day, my partner was verbalizing his disappointment in the fact that summer was officially over and another fall season was upon us. While I share in some of his sadness because my health seems to fare a lot better during those hot summer days, I really consider myself blessed in two ways in regards to each change of season. One, I have two eyes that are still able to see all the beautiful subtleties that come along with the shift of one season into the next. And two, I currently live in the Northeast, which gives me a front row seat to watch all those changes happen in nature 365 days of the year. But even beyond all those changes in nature, there are a lot of other things that occur with each change of season that I’ve come to look forward to.

As the fall arrives, I am grateful for the leaves changing into their various bright colors, for hearing the scary music play everywhere to embrace Halloween, for all the fun in watching kids get so excited about candy and wearing cool costumes, for pumpkin picking in a patch, for eating a slice of pecan or pumpkin pie, for drinking a cup of fresh apple cider, for taking a hayride, for carving a complex pattern into the face of several pumpkins, and for sharing that big turkey feast at Thanksgiving with loved ones.

As winter arrives, I am grateful for the first snow flake that falls on a frigid night, for the day when the sunlight comes up and all the trees and ground are coated with that powdery stuff, for walking on an ice filled pond, for the enjoyment of sledding or snow tubing, for throwing a snowball at someone with a giggle, for tasting a big icicle hanging from a roof, for drinking anything warm with peppermint in it, for seeing all the holiday lights begin to appear everywhere, for decorating my own dwelling with a festive spirit and holiday music, for sharing Christmas Eve and Day with family and loved ones, and for watching the ball come down in New York City on New Year’s Eve.

As spring arrives, I am grateful for the first flowers that pop up out of the ground, for watching all those kids everywhere get excited around Easter as they receive those candy filled Easter baskets and hunt for colored eggs, for seeing flowers planted in previous years return, for planting new things in the ground, for tilling the soil in the garden and putting down fresh mulch, for seeing the first few big budget popcorn movies that arrive at this time in the local multiplex, and for that first really warm day where I can take my shirt off and bask in the sun.

And as summer returns once again, I am grateful for a day at the beach, for a walk in the wet sand, for picking up seashells, for a swim in the ocean, for all those summer barbecues I attend, for all the fires I have in a fire pit at night, for toasting marshmallows in those fires, for sitting outside at the drive-in and watching a double feature with my partner, for huge gooey ice cream sundaes, for drinking iced coffees and other cool beverages, and for watching those fireworks explode on the 4th of July.

There really are many more things I’m sure I could mention that I’ve found appreciation for with each new season. And while people like my partner may find the end of the summer to be a real bummer (hey that rhymes!), it really doesn’t have to be for them. There are so many gifts and blessings that God provides us with each new season, no matter what part of the world someone is living in.

So as each of you head into the next change of season, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and allow yourself to think about some of the positive things that are going to happen at this time of the year in the area of the world you live in. I’m sure you can find at least a few of those things to look forward to. When you do, try to focus on them instead, as I’m sure you’ll find yourself welcoming in the new season with a lot more happiness, and a lot less disappointment.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Recently in the news I noticed an article that said British actor Benedict Cumberbatch was on the set of the BBC series Sherlock and held up a sign for the paparazzi camped outside. His sign read, “Go photograph Egypt and show the world something important.” While I’m not anyone famous at this point in my life, and a I don’t have any paparazzi following me around to know what it feels like, I have a pretty good idea and I can understand Benedict’s point that he was trying to make.

Doesn’t the world have more important things going on in it right now than following someone who people consider “famous”  just to get a headline that is often just the spreading of gossip or the reporting of potential news oddities about them? Unfortunately, there are many in this world who enjoy that gossip and it’s those people who thrive on the Paparazzi’s news.

One of the definitions of the word “gossip” that I found online is the “casual or unconstrained conversation or report about other people, usually involving details that are not confirmed as being true.” In much easier terms, gossip is often the exaggeration or complete fabrication of factual information about someone.

It’s hard to not miss some of these news headlines as they are everywhere these days. They talk about the latest celebrity relationships on the rocks. They talk about someone famous who’s just beginning a new romance. They talk about a star who is arrested and might have a potential alcohol or drug problem, or maybe even a mental imbalance. And of course, there’s even those many headlines these days about some famous person’s baby that is on the way or was just born.

Frankly, I don’t understand why so many people really care about this type of news. On the grand scheme of things, why do any of those things matter to people? Don’t we all have those same exact news going on around us all the time in our own lives with our friends and families? Why is it so important to see what’s possibly happening in the personal lives of all these famous people? Regardless of the reasons, I have noticed that for those people who like what the paparazzi report on, they are generally also guilty themselves of gossiping in their own lives. At one time in my life, I was guilty of this and did spread a lot of my own gossip. The more I think about it, I probably did pay a lot more attention in those periods of my life to the stuff the paparazzi was reporting on.

Thankfully, I am doing everything I can now, on every level, to not be a part of gossip. I have seen the destruction it creates. It often hurts and can destroy the lives of others. When I used to gossip, I would sensationalize something that I heard or saw and add my own spin to it. I did this for the sole purpose of trying to be the center of attention, or to avoid bringing any negative attention to the drama I had back then in my own life. Sadly, this moved me in the exact opposite direction from being a spiritually God-centered, and unconditionally loving person. And unfortunately there are too many people in this world who still thrive on gossip regardless of the potential of this happening within them. Because of this, I don’t think things such as the paparazzi, those news tabloids, or any of those reality shows about famous people are going away anytime soon. It wasn’t until I began to see how much I was hurting people when I spread gossip or even more importantly when I was on the receiving end of it, that I made the decision to start moving away from all forms of it.

If you really want to see this world become a better place to live in, there is one thing you can do, if you haven’t already. Stop reading, watching, spreading, or being a part of any type of gossip. Ignore the gossip the paparazzi reports on and what you might hear even closer to home from your friends or family. Whether or not there is factual based information in what you are seeing or hearing, it often hurts and destroys the people it’s about. Ask yourself what it might feel like, or what it has felt like, when any gossip is about you? It usually doesn’t feel very good and often evokes a lot of negative feelings inside. The one thing I do know is that if you remove yourself from all forms of gossip, then you and this world will become a lot brighter because of it. I know I did…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson