“I’m The Friend Who’s Going To Tell You The Truth When Everyone Else Is Afraid To…”

“I’m the friend who’s going to tell you the truth when everyone else is afraid to…”

Have you ever had a friend say something like that to you? I have and honestly, I really don’t need that type of friend in my life, because typically what follows a statement like that is nothing more than ego-filled judgments weighted in negativity.

Our world is filled with plenty of people judging each other all the time these days, but that’s most definitely something I don’t want or need in any friendship, as I’ve been judged unfairly throughout much of my life, starting with a mother who saw more of the critical in me than the good. But, I’ve worked hard to move beyond that, to let that part of her go, yet I find myself still in connection at times with people who remind me of her, who have the tendency to point out where they feel I could do better in life, highlighting more of their perceived notion of my flaws and shortcomings, rather than praising any of my positive traits. People like this rarely tend to own their own flaws and shortcomings and are so quick to point out another’s.

I used to be quite proficient at this, thinking I always knew better about those in my life, letting them know exactly what I thought, typically judging them profusely in the process, believing it was the right thing to do, “because no one else was ever going to tell them the truth”. All that did though was cause them more pain and drive a wedge between me and them. It’s one thing I can say my friend Cedric and I work very hard not to do with each other, which is why we’ve probably been the best of friends for almost a quarter century now. We don’t point out each other’s flaws or imperfections, or judge what we think either of us should or shouldn’t be doing, or ever focus on areas we believe each other could be doing better in life. Rather, we concentrate more on offering each other acts of compassion, kindness, and praise, and hold space for each other, even when we get stuck in extended periods of self-pity or frustration.

Recently, when someone close to me did exactly the opposite of this with me, offering me their “truth”, suggesting I enjoyed wallowing in self-pity and wanted to remain sick, it hurt immensely, because it wasn’t true on any level. It completely discounted the countless hours and work I’ve put into getting healthier by remaining physically active, eating healthy, meditating, praying, reciting affirmations, writing daily gratitude, volunteering, blogging about it all, and more. To say what they did immediately reminded me so vividly of a mother who was far better at criticism than praise. Why people become like this, believing it’s ok to share the “truth” they think they see in a friend, I believe solely stems from their ego, as it makes them temporarily feel better about themselves. Essentially, it lowers their friend, while temporarily raising themselves. At it’s core, it’s an unhealthy behavior that generally traces back to a parent or a former peer from childhood who did the very same thing to them.

While there have been certain key moments of my life when I have wanted a friend to “tell me the truth when no one else is going to”, such as when I was living in addiction and directly hurting myself or them, doing so otherwise isn’t spiritually healthy and is only going to lead to the demise of the friendship, as true friends need love and compassion far more than they need criticism and judgment, especially when going through any of those dark tunnels of life, no matter how long those dark tunnels may last…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Taking The “E.G.O.” Out Of Whether Someone Vaccinates Or Not…

My partner Chris and I are rapidly coming up to our 10-year anniversary and had planned to celebrate it by doing a cruise, the very thing we did when we first met a decade ago. But sadly, being unvaccinated from COVID-19 due to my ongoing health issues, we learned that while I could still be on the cruise (given it was leaving from Florida), there were going to be a number of limitations during it. Because of this, we opted to cancel, much to my dismay, leaving me feeling like I let my partner down. When I shared this disappointment with a friend I cared about, instead of receiving compassion, I received a chastising about my unvaccinated status, shedding light on exactly what Dr. Fauci has said is happening in our country now, where a new division is happening between those getting vaccinated for COVID-19 and those who aren’t, a division I believe is solely arising out of ego.

There are far too many divisions in this country that stem from ego. Last year I witnessed this due to my non-political stance from both Republicans and Democrats alike. I’ve often experienced this with other issues as well, such as with my stance on guns, abortions, marriage, and a number of other hot topics as well. Far too often, I’ve received chastising’s for those stances I take in life, just for standing true to myself, even when I’ve accepted everyone else’s stances. Now I’m receiving chastising’s over not getting vaccinated and being told how ignorant I am, some even suggesting they know better about my health than I do. In light of that, my question is this.

When did it stop being ok to stand in our own truths, especially when they’re not being put on anyone else but ourselves?

My truth with vaccinations is simple. If you want one, get one, and if you don’t, then don’t, but don’t judge another just because their choice with vaccinations is different than yours. Personally, I’d love to vaccinate, but given the complexities of what I continue to face with my health, I’ve decided not to at the present time over fear of complicating my health even further, even if my risk is only 1%. With that now being said, I ask you, are you sitting there right now judging me and saying I’m dumb, or stupid, or thinking some other negative set of words, all because of my choice to not vaccinate? If you are, it’s precisely why disunity still exists in this world, because we keep letting our ego’s judge each other over our stances in life, especially when they don’t align with our own views. Unity is never going to come so long as we keep judging each other for the differences we have, in our belief systems, in our sexualities, in our races, or in anything really.

People have frequently told me that unity is a pipe dream. Maybe it is, or maybe it isn’t, but for it to ever even have a chance to manifest, it’s going to take the removal of thinking we know what’s best for everyone else. The fact is, I don’t know what’s best for anyone, it’s only my ego that always tries to tell me otherwise. Knowing this is precisely why my best friend Cedric and I are able to maintain such a close friendship after 24 years. We differ so greatly these days with viewpoints on the Bible, politics, sexuality, and some other things too, yet we remain the best of friends, all because we love and accept each other unconditionally for our differences, rather than let our ego’s judge each other for them.

The bottom line is that there is no one on this planet that I know better for. Trying to think I know what’s best for another will only ever lead to chaos, discord, disunity, and the like. If I ever want to see unity in this world, it’s going to mean accepting others stances in life that are different than my own and loving them regardless. Doing anything otherwise just leaves me operating out of ego, or as they say in 12 Step recovery, (E)dging (G)od (O)ut.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Story Of A Where The Brother Becomes The Sister’s Best Friend…

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, there was a brother and a sister who were innocent, pure, and worthy of praise, affection, and unconditional love and their names were Andrew and Laura. It didn’t take long for them in life though to see what they’d experience the most were actually drama, chaos, negativity, and unwarranted discipline, all because of a few things their parents Lew and Pam struggled with immensely, that being alcoholism, PTSD, and manic-depression. In this story, one where Andrew and Laura rarely felt embraced, accepted, or good enough, the two truly needed to turn to each other for the support they didn’t get from their parents. Sadly, instead, the dynamics of their household pitted them against each other more than not, and the two quickly grew apart, learning to fend for themselves alone in a world where they felt like they never mattered.

This is a true story and one whose aftereffects continues to play itself out between my sister and I, someone I love dearly, but have very little association with at the moment. I often believe this is much in part due to how I treated her as a kid, as I viciously fought with her most of my younger years and hated spending time with her on most days. On the contrary, I know of many who bonded with their siblings growing up and consider them amongst their best of friends to this day, devoting time with them over the phone or in person regularly, which is what my heart truly desires with my sister now. While there are presently some unfortunate dynamics with my sister’s husband that most definitely affects the potential of this from ever happening, I also tend to believe things would be quite different even in the midst of those dynamics if I had been there for my sister when we were growing up and became the best friend she needed. It’s sad to say, but I was anything but that growing up to her. I was so incredibly mean to her then and have far too many memories of me lashing out at her for no reason. Looking back, I believe I took out on her what was unfolding before my eyes with our parents and their incredible dysfunctionality.

Nevertheless, I honestly long to have memories of my sister and I growing up with laughter, connection, and a close friendship in general. But, the truth is, we rarely experienced that nor spent any healthy time together enjoying each other’s company. Rather, each time my mother was mean to my sister, or my father leaned too heavily upon her due to his mental illness, I wasn’t there for her, leaving her to feel utterly alone. The fact is, feeling alone is something we both have felt quite a bit since our childhood, yet when we could have turned to each other to help with that, we didn’t. It’s much in part why we became codependent in our lives with each of the relationships we eventually found ourselves in, learning to depend far too heavily upon them for our survival and needs that we never got growing up. How much of that would be different today, if the two of us had bonded more growing up, being there for each other, I don’t know? But, add in the notion that I spent so many years in addiction after our childhood, it only further aggravates the estrangement my sister has always felt from me.

This is why I’m not sure if my sister will ever fully trust me in this life to be there for her because of how much I was never there for her when it ultimately mattered.  It’s one of the biggest reasons why I find myself often wishing I could go back in time and become my sister’s best friend early on, as maybe we’d be that right now. I know I’ve done what I can to rectify my past, but sometimes the damage done is just too great. Truly the matter is in God’s hands now, as only he can do the work necessary in my sister’s heart and soul, and with us in general, to ever bring about a close friendship between us again.

Regardless, I love my sister dearly and pray that one day I’ll be one of her best friends in this world, one whom she can trust and rely upon when life rears its ugly head, and one where she’ll never have to feel completely alone ever again.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson