Category: Words To Live By

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are two days I have a tendency to gloss over and forget about when they come and go every year. With the both of my parents having passed away quite a number of years ago, and with not being a parent myself, either day is like any other day of the year for me now. This year has been different though as I’ve been trying to honor both of my parents instead of talking about them negatively like I used to do more than not. So since today is actually Father’s Day, the words I’m sharing are for you Dad, who I loved dearly.

My dad, Lewis Arthur Dawson, was in his early 50’s when his life expired. Sadly, his death came at such a relatively young age because of him taking his own life. One of the greatest contributing factors to what caused this, and something that my father battled with throughout his life, was bi-polar disorder where he would experience cycles of manic highs and very depressive lows for extended periods of time. Unfortunately, many of those cycles occurred solely because he often would refuse medical treatment to handle the mood swings that came with his mental disorder.

For the longest time I was very shut down over his death and could only think negative thoughts about it or him. I wasn’t able to remember any of the good things about my father or any of the good times we shared. Much of that was due to the fact that I couldn’t see anything positive about my Dad since my mind was so clouded with anger, resentments, and judgments about him. What was even worse was that as I lived with those things, I also became seriously depressed and started living in self-pity. I felt incredibly robbed from having the father-son relationship I had just begun building with him after finally finding sobriety from my alcohol and drug addictions. But after several years of living in that pain, I sought healing and found it through hard work and many prayers. Since then, I have been blessed to remember many things that I loved my father greatly for. And here are just a few of them…

My Dad and I loved to take day trips with no specific agenda where we always ended up at some fun place to enjoy together like a sundae shop or a cool restaurant.

My Dad was an incredible racquetball player who taught me how to play the game almost as well.

My Dad and I loved to go on hikes into the mountains with a bag lunch to see breathtaking views.

My Dad and I loved getting italian ice from this place called Cafe Aurora where he would always get lemon and I some other crazy flavor that got all over my face and clothes.

My Dad made the best homemade pizza for me with green olives and pepperoni and where the crust was always perfectly crispy.

My Dad was the most spiritual person I knew and taught me how important it was to connect with God and one time, I even heard my father speak in Tongues.

My Dad and I loved swimming in the ocean and taking walks on the beach when we went to Myrtle Beach every summer for our family vacation.

My Dad always knew the right words to comfort me and knew how to build me up when I most needed it.

My Dad taught me the importance of financial responsibilities and about being prompt and punctual for appointments.

My Dad and I both liked to eat weird combinations of foods.

My Dad was big into nostalgia and we would often find 50’s diners to go to where I could play music on an old-fashioned jukebox.

My Dad and I on every Saturday morning would go down to the local bakery where he would get his coffee and fresh hard roll with butter and I, my hot chocolate and sweet pastry.

I’m sure I could come up with a lot more things that I loved about my father, but these are the ones I thought of immediately. Regardless of the tragedy that ended his life, my Dad was a great man who taught me so many of my good traits. He also helped vast numbers of other people in his life through his great teaching skills and ability to connect with them empathically. I’m thankful today to God to be able to remember so many good things about him and although his demons ended his life-force early, he left a legacy of light and love in not only me, but many others.

Dad, I pray you are with God now and much happier and filled with joy. Please know that I hope you forgive me for all the selfish times I avoided spending with you due to my addictions. I also want you to know that I forgive you for checking out so early in life. I have only good thoughts of you now, and I miss you and love you. Thank you for being the best father I could ever have because I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. Happy Father’s Day Dad!

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever looked forward to something but also had some fear surrounding it as well? I’m experiencing one of those situations right now as I’m preparing to head out today to see my sister and her family in Tennessee.

It’s been about four months now since they moved out of Massachusetts and settled into a small city named Franklin, just outside of Nashville. While I’m excited about being able to spend some quality time with them, I’m a little nervous about being around her husband again. He has, for some time now, had many difficulties in accepting and dealing with me. More than not, he verbally expresses his displeasure of my presence in subtle ways when I’ve been around his family. My sister has told me that he holds some resentments towards me that he hasn’t gotten to the root of yet. Sadly, he hasn’t really focused on getting to that root either. The direct result of this has been him allowing me only limited time to spend with my only remaining family members. Thankfully my partner is going to be with me on this trip as generally, my sister’s husband’s negative behaviors towards me are usually subdued when someone else is around.

In recent years, I’ve compared some of his behaviors to that of one of the high school bullies I once had in my younger years. Rarely did I ever defend myself or stand up to those bullies as back then I was more of a shy, withdrawn, and overly insecure individual that allowed people to always make fun of me. Unfortunately, I still deal with some of those attributes today and people like my sister’s husband often take advantage of that. Add in the fact that my sister is currently battling co-depedent behaviors and holds some of her own fears towards her husband’s controlling behaviors that she often doesn’t stand up to him either, especially when it comes to things dealing with me.

I’ve come to believe that people who are bullies are nothing more than deeply insecure individuals themselves. They find people who appear weaker then themselves and inflict pain upon them on some level because it makes them feel better about the mess that lives within them. It’s really all about them just shifting the focus off of their mess onto another’s.

I know this pattern well as I’ve lived it. Because of that, it has helped me to understand at least some of the reason why my sister’s husband acts the way he does towards me. I have speculated on some of those other reasons but any of them that I might write about would only be more judgments. Ironically, I like her husband on a soul level and know that there is great potential for a very loving relationship not only between him and my sister but also for him and I on a friendship level. What gets in between the both of those is his ego, which I like to say is an acronym for Edging God Out.

So as I prepare to leave for this trip, I am already praying to God for patience, love and tolerance as well as love, forgiveness, and peace for him. I want to focus on the positive that I’m getting to see my sister and her kids and not on the negative that has surrounded my relationship with him for some time now.

It’s hard to accept the fact that my ongoing relationship with my sister and three nephews continues to be negatively affected by her husband. But I have no other choice than to do so. Until either he works on letting go of his resentments towards me or my sister does more to break free from her co-dependent behaviors, the only thing I can do is accept him and ask God for guidance whenever I’m allowed to be around my family, such as this trip. Acceptance may not take away some of that underlying fear as I get ready to leave for this trip, but it sure does bring some comfort in knowing that I’m doing my part to love even those who don’t know how to love me.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Happy Birthday To Me…Happy Birthday To Me…Happy Birthday Dear Andrew…Happy Birthday To Me…

It’s June 11th, 2013, and it’s also my birthday! 40 years have now passed since the day I was born. Sometimes I find it hard to believe how much time has actually passed since that day back in 1972. And wow, 1972, to even say that year makes me sound old. But I think it’s true what they say, that the older one gets, the wiser they become.

I really have been blessed with so much valuable wisdom throughout this life and it keeps on getting better and better the more I grow closer in my relationship to God. I’m grateful for that relationship and felt it might be best to share some of that wisdom in no particular order of importance, that God has imparted upon me so far in this life…

1. God does not discriminate, people do.

2. True happiness is something that money can never buy.

3. The only thing any addiction can bring is greater distance away from getting to know and love oneself.

4. Getting sober is just the beginning of finding recovery.

5. Every religion is just a different way of looking at the same God.

6. Religion is studying a pathway to God, spirituality is living a life with God.

7. If one doesn’t love themselves, they can never truly love another.

8. Prayer is the action of speaking to God and meditation is the action of listening for God.

9. Free will is really the same thing as self-will and both are often the opposite of God’s will.

10. Living life is all about learning lessons. The more one learns them, the greater one’s serenity.

There is so much more I could write on what has transpired in the 21,564,000 minutes that have passed since I took my first breath. But the most important thing that has transpired in my life today is my stronger relationship with God. Because of that, I am also celebrating on this very day, eighteen years of continuous sobriety of a life free from all alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes.

So in essence, I get to celebrate two special occasions today. Wherever they take me today doesn’t really matter so much as knowing that the real celebration in itself is to still be sober and able to take another breath of life…and it’s one that I hope will bring me even closer to God.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson