Category: Words To Live By

I felt it best to end my Austin, Texas getaway recap with an entry that dealt with something that became all the more real while on travel, that being the ongoing ramifications of a world that’s plagued by a pandemic.

Let me start with the first part of the trip, the flying. I really used to love flying. The whole experience of driving to the airport, to checking in, to going through security, to finding a tasty bite and a drink to consume while waiting at the gate, to the takeoff, to the flight itself, then the landing, and ultimately waiting for my bags to come down that huge chute into the terminal, it was always the most incredible experience for me as a kid and continued well into my adulthood. When 9/11 came, that began to change. Heightened security measures added complexities and often annoyances that weren’t present before thus taking away some of the fun. Then my difficult health issues came in my early 40’s, making it even more difficult to enjoy the experience. With COVID present now, it honestly felt like a chore to travel. For as much as I know how important it is to wear masks, it became a burden. Airline agents couldn’t quite understand me at the gate. The constant pulling down and putting back up when eating and drinking led to my mask smelling like the food I ate and the coffee I drank. I also used to see a lot of happy expressions and laughter at the airport, but I honestly didn’t see any on this trip and I did look for it. Most airport shops were closed. And yes, even my favorite, Starbucks, was closed in almost every location I walked to. And thank goodness I have good credit and a credit card because no one seems to be accepting cash where I did purchase anything!

As for my actual time at my destination, when out and about, it was evident how hard COVID has rocked our nation, as I’m sure the world. So many businesses have closed with signs on their doors and windows saying that this pandemic has forced them to close for good. I noticed this a lot in a number of my previous more local trips in the past month as well. Businesses that have operated for decades just couldn’t keep up with the social distancing rules that halved their profits or more. I honestly can’t even fathom what my life would have been like during this pandemic if I still was operating the bed and breakfast I once owned in Chincoteague, Virginia. That truly is one thing I’m grateful for that is out of my life during these crazy times! Phew!

Another thing I noticed during this trip was the serious lack of physical closeness due to COVID. I’m a huge hugger and handshaker. I like touch in empathetic ways to show I care. And I tend to notice others like me when I’m out and about doing the same as well. That is something that seems to just not be present right now, not even when meeting new people. There were plenty of times where I met others on this trip where our gazes met, where our arms or bodies twitched from that impulse to do what we normally would do in a pandemic-free world, but most of the time we just stood there, frozen in place, greeting awkwardly from a distance with masks on, unable to see any type of warmth emanating through facial expressions. The impersonal feeling in this world nowadays is extremely difficult for extroverts like me.

Lastly, the one thing that stood out the most to me was all the homelessness in Austin. Tent after tent after tent lining street after street after street there. Whether that was going on prior to COVID or not I don’t know, but I can’t imagine what it would be like to be having to live on the streets in a tent during a pandemic. Seeing so many homeless people made me very grateful though for the small humble home I knew I had waiting for me back in Toledo with my partner Chris.

In the end, for as much as I truly treasured my time with my friend Karen and her family, dealing with this mask-based, socially-distanced world, where touch and love and closeness wasn’t really present much, and where you never quite knew what’s going to be open from what you looked up on Google to go entertain yourself, made for a truly frustrating experience while on travel, and made even worse when combining that with all my health issues. In light of seeing the harsh reality of COVID while on travel, I’d say it’s a safe bet that I’ll be staying far closer to home until some sense of COVID-free normalcy returns…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“What is the happiest memory you can think of from your entire life?” That’s the question all of the retreatants were asked last weekend during a Sunday morning exercise on the weekend getaway I was on. Sadly, I didn’t have an answer at first because all I could think of in that moment was all the pain and suffering I was feeling inside right then.

Writing this from a much clearer perspective though, in a moment that thankfully isn’t filled with the same intense physical pain I was going through in my body at the time that question was asked, I’m able to recollect now a number of happy memories from my life that weren’t tainted by pain and suffering. But could I deem any one of them the happiest? That’s a tough call because I’m not sure any of them were far superior than the other. But, after sitting on this question for a bit, I was able to limit it to three, which ironically all include precious time spent with my father in the brief time I had with him in this life.

The first was a very early childhood memory, before I hit my teenage years. We were on our annual summer vacation to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina when my Dad said he wanted to go on a walk and told me it was going to end with a surprise. So, in 90+ degree heat, we walked and walked and walked, through one neighborhood after another, until we eventually ended up in some random plaza, where this all-you-can-eat ice cream shop existed called Zips. Most comparable to those frozen yogurt places today with those endless toppings, this ice cream joint had over 60 toppings, but for free. You merely paid for your scoops and that was it, so I got three and placed close to every single topping on them, making it one big gooey mess. I ate every bit of that sundae with my very proud Dad sitting next to me laughing and enjoying the moment. And even though I felt sick for a few hours after that due to a sugar overload, it was truly a very memorable and happy moment from my life.

The second happiest memory I have is a hike I took with my father during my mid-teenage years. We parked in an unmarked location one day in Beacon, NY, and headed onto this trail up a mountain, oddly enough called Breakneck. It was just me and him with our canteens of water. While the hike seemed to go on forever, we eventually made it to the main clearing and shared a pretty spiritual moment together looking out high up over the Hudson River. And when we finally made it back down the mountain’s edge, he took me to this pastry shop called Café Aurora that sadly only recently just closed its doors after decades of being in business. There we had their famous homemade Italian ice, which my Dad consistently got their lemon flavor, while I always got their fruity flavor of the day, that time being cantaloupe.

The final one I want to mention that I’d place in the “happiest” category of memories, would be when I came out of the closet to my father. I remember that day calling him and telling him that I was attracted to men and always had been, that I was gay, and wanted to be honest with him because he had asked me many times about any girls I was dating. I told him I was afraid he was going to be mad at me and then waited for him to respond. When he did, his words became ones I’ll never forget. He said, “Son, you could tell me you were dying of aids and I’ll still love you unconditionally…” It was that unconditional act of love and acceptance of me that has led to forming much of my own unconditional love and acceptance of others today.

Overall, the majority of my happiest moments of my life are with my father. When he wasn’t in a manic-depressive state or drinking, he was a pretty amazing guy filled with so much unconditional love for this world. He was also someone who was deeply in touch with his inner child and often matched his inner child’s exuberance to my own.

Writing this made me realize how much I really miss my Dad and maybe I should have just said that the happiest memory I truly have in life is simply any moment I spent with my Dad, because frankly, what tends to make me happy today is doing all of the things we once did together.

I love you Dad…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Why do so many people want to indefinitely hold others to their past transgressions? Why can’t we all find forgiveness in our hearts and trust that people can and do sometimes change for the better? I ask these questions because of an article I just read on TVline.com recently about Hartley Sawyer who was an actor that got fired from the TV show “The Flash” back in the beginning of June for racist and misogynistic tweets dating back to the 2012 to 2014-time frame. While the article itself talked positively about how his character was going to be written out of The Flash, it was the discussion that took place below it in the comments section that was mostly filled with nothing but negativity and judgment.

Countless individuals claimed that since Hartley was guilty of these toxic behaviors six to eight years ago, he’s always going to be guilty of them and wouldn’t ever change. A number even went so far as to say that once a person hits their 20’s to 30’s, they are who they are and aren’t going to change much anymore. Overall, I felt the vast majority of all those comments were really hurtful towards Hartley and it truly got to me.

First off, everyone is fully worthy of forgiveness and redemption and yes, I do mean EVERYONE! Even the guy that molested me in my early teens was worthy of that and did receive that from me. While the things Hartley tweeted over six year ago were indeed quite distasteful and toxic, it is unfair to hold him to that for the rest of his life. That person I was in my 20’s and 30’s is so far from who I am now. Much of my own behaviors during those two decades were no better than Hartley’s, but I changed, and I spiritually grew for the better. Now, I’m so different from who I was back then.

Second, I’m always amazed at all the finger pointing that goes on in our world, where everyone quickly jumps on the bus of persecution towards another, labeling them as wrong, and verbally expressing their displeasure at another’s behaviors. But, I can promise you that every single person who does point their finger, like so many did towards Hartley Sawyer in those comments, is guilty at some point in their life of saying or doing something toxic that hurt another.

Lastly, I just want to say that over the years, I’ve worked with people suffering from addiction of all ages, including a guy that was in his late 60’s and had spent his entire life, a good 40 years and then some, being toxic, saying hurtful things, with most assuming he’d probably never change. Yet, I sat down with him week after week, attended meetings with him, and helped guide him through the 12 Steps of recovery. And you know what…he got better. He did change…even though he was in his late 60’s! Five years later, he’s now helping others, and an amazing husband to his wife, something he fell short quite a bit through much of his earlier adulthood.

So, the bottom line is that Hartley Sawyer is worthy of forgiveness, as are all of us, no matter what we’ve ever done or said. Look, if every job, friend, partner, and individual in this world based everything on our past transgressions and never gave us the chance to change or demonstrate we’ve changed, we’d all most likely never get a job again, make any new friends, ever have a partner, or connect to any new individuals, because the focus would always remain on the mistakes we’ve made and never on any good we ever try to do. In light of that, maybe we all could start practicing giving a little more forgiveness to those who’ve made mistakes, because there may come a day when we need some of that for mistakes we’ve made, mistakes we all are worthy of forgiveness of, NO MATTER WHAT!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson