The Twelfth Step

I was never one much for living in any type of addiction during the mornings or afternoons. In fact, if anything, I usually felt a renewed sense of conviction during those times of the day to tell myself that I would never do any of them ever again. But as soon as that sun would set and the darkness of the night would emerge, that late night addict in me would begin to appear once again.

I’m not exactly sure why I was never a daytime type of addict. I know many others have been though as I’ve heard their stories in the various recovery meetings I’ve attended over time. But I was never one much for drinking or drugging during the day. I usually didn’t seek out any casinos, promiscuous sex, or stare at porn during those times either. Maybe that’s because I felt so hung-over each day from my previous night’s addiction-based activities, whatever they were. Or maybe it’s because it was easier to do those dark-filled behaviors at night so I could blend in with the darkness of the night itself. Either way, I spent more than two decades of my life living that way.

It’s been about two years now since ending my last full-blown addiction. Unfortunately, a side effect has remained from having lived that way for so long. I frequently have found myself quite restless and full of energy during the late night hours of 10pm to 2am. Thankfully, I’ve been able to learn some ways to distract myself from that old addiction drive that used to come during those hours of the evening.

One of the best ones is my love of puzzles. They have become an incredible way for me to keep my mind occupied during those hours when I used to peruse the bars or the web. I generally work on ones that are 750 to 1000 pieces until I find myself getting exhausted.

Another one is actually my love of writing. Some of my most creative moments in this blog have come during those late night hours. I’ve found that I’m usually very tired by the time I finish composing one of my articles.

Reading books or studying something new is also a way I’ve found I can keep myself busy during those times. Lately, I’ve been learning the art of Tarot card reading and I’ve noticed it generally only takes a chapter for me to find my eyes closing from fatigue.

And of course watching movies, television programs, meditating, and even cleaning the house have become other ways I’ve learned how to distract myself from those old addict based urges that used to come during those late night hours.

It’s not as bad as it used to be. In fact, I’m starting to see now that many of those old urges aren’t even there anymore when the nighttime rolls in. Instead, I look forward now to my late night distractions as if they were a regular part of my evening enjoyments. That’s a far cry from how I used to occupy them with things such as Internet chat sites and staring at porn until the sun came up! I’m grateful to my Higher Power that I’m not that late night addict anymore but sadly, there are so many out there who still are.

If you think you may be one of them and want to come out of the darkness and into the light, I encourage you to try spending your evenings finding other activities that are much healthier for you to engage in. Take up a craft, find a hobby, study something, or learn to enjoy just being with yourself. In doing so, instead of becoming high from the unhealthy addictions your late night addict once did with so much regularity, you’ll soon find yourself beginning to enjoy your evenings from just being high on life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Individuals battling with any type of active addiction often think they’re invincible. They frequently reassure themselves that everything is ok because they haven’t had a truly bad experience stemming from it. They generally will continue holding that false sense of cockiness about themselves as they descend even deeper into their addiction. But what they don’t realize is that nothing bad has happened to them “YET”.

In the 12-Step recovery world, the “Yet’s” are the things that always end up forcing a person to face their addiction and find healing from it. Unfortunately, those things are never pleasant and instead are usually quite tragic. For whatever the reason, a person suffering from any addiction always seems to have to be totally broken before they will seek recovery from it. Many of those “Yet’s” will cause an addict to become that way and sadly, it doesn’t have to be like this. But for whatever the reason, in almost every case I’ve ever seen in recovery, an addict will go to the brink of destruction before seeking help. They even go through experiencing many of those “Yet’s” before they finally become powerless enough to want to change.

Here are some examples of those “Yet’s” that exist from engaging in addictions:

1. Being kicked out of one’s home.

2. Banks repossessing personal belongings.

3. Being arrested and sentenced to jail.

4. Developing extremely serious health conditions.

5. Being fired from your job.

6. Losing a long-term relationship.

7. Contracting a disease.

8. Living off the streets.

9. Accidentally or purposely killing another.

10. Having thugs constantly chase after you for their money.

And this is only a fraction of the tragic things that have happened to people who have become addicted to something. I thank God that the worst that needed to happen to me was to develop some temporary, but very serious health issues to get me to stop my own pattern of self-destruction with addictions. For one of the men I’ve been working with in recovery though, he wasn’t so fortunate.

He decided that his pain wasn’t great enough so he went back out for one more high. Unfortunately, it landed him back in jail, which was the one place that was his greatest fear of ever going back to. Ironically, he’s lucky though. Some others I’ve known who decided to go back out one more time never came back at all because they overdosed and died that time. Truly, that is the worst “yet” that can happen to anyone from being active in any type of addiction.

So if you happen to be someone who is battling one yourself right now, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and ask yourself this. What kind of “Yet” needs to happen to you before you finally wake up and realize just how sick you really are? And what kind of “Yet” needs to knock you down enough to where you finally will do what it takes to free yourself from that bondage? I hope and pray for your sake that God will enlighten you before the “Yet’s” tear you apart even more or end up taking your life altogether.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson