Are You Teachable?

Teachers come into our lives all the time. Sometimes they come in a traditional form if one is say in the middle of their educational years. But there are frequently many other times they may appear in ways you may not think of them as a teacher, but indeed they are. Some of those can include a superior or a boss at a place of employment, a co-worker, a friend, a partner, a sponsor, and even a total stranger who pops in your life for a mere fraction of a moment. In other words, there are teachers all around us, but the real question is, are you teachable?

I ask this question because of how I once used to be. During my schooling years, I used to question my teachers on many of their lessons, thinking I always knew better. During my corporate years, I often butted heads with my superiors and bosses because of my constant attempts to do things my way instead of theirs. With my co-workers, I was quite good at micro-managing each of them, but was terrible at listening to when they had any guidance or direction for me. During most of the long term relationships I had with former partners, I rarely saw things in any way other than my own, even when I was provided with areas I could work on that would have helped me spiritually grow. When I had a sponsor in my 12-Step recovery programs, at first they were only by title and I rarely took any of their advice. Later, when I began taking my recovery more seriously, I often balked at some of their simple suggestions and plans of action. And in regards to those total strangers, whenever one of them would randomly appear in my life and offers some invaluable instructions, it would generally go in one ear and out the other.

The fact of the matter is that I wasn’t teachable for the longest of time. Things had to always be my way or the highway. And in most cases, all this did was prevent me from learning things that I believe my Higher Power was trying to teach me. Most recently I was reminded of how I used to be when a former sponsee did a behavior I once did. During a conversation with this person after giving them some guidance, they angrily shouted they had 27 years of sobriety, that it should count for something, and that I was treating them like a newcomer who had less than 30 days. Sadly, this sponsee was not open to learning and being taught what I had to offer them and I wasn’t either many years ago when it came to the sponsors I had in recovery.

I am convinced that we can all be teachers and students to each other in this world and that we just need to remain open to wherever the lessons may come. If our cup is constantly full of our own ideas, thoughts, and reasoning with how we think things should be, then we will fail to be open and willing to learn from a teacher when they appear.

That’s exactly what happened to me until just a few years ago when I finally realized how much I was playing more of the know-it-all in life than a person willing to listen and grow. Today, what I truly want is to spiritually grow and I know to do that, I must be willing to take suggestions, guidance, and directions, regardless of what my ego thinks of them. Until I became willing to do any of them without hesitation, I was simply not teachable.

So if you happen to be someone who is constantly bickering or arguing with people around you about things they think might help your life, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and realize that you may not be teachable at the present time. It took a lot of pain and loneliness for me to accept that’s how I once was. Hopefully, you don’t allow that to happen in your own life. And maybe, just maybe, you might become more open to seeing how many wonderful teachers there already are in your life who are trying to help you spiritually grow.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

There Probably Are No Silly Prayers…

Praying over something dealing with my vehicle seemed like a silly thing to do at the time. But when I saw that prayer get answered, I started to think there probably are no silly prayers.

The reason why I hesitated to pray about my 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid was simply because I thought it might be a self-centered prayer. In the past, I had way too much of that trait and didn’t carry much gratitude for any of what I had, including the cars I ever owned. In fact the last car I drove regularly before this was a 2000 Dodge Stratus that I abused regularly until I totaled it by hitting a deer. Not having a job or any type of regular income currently has helped me to grow in appreciation and respect things like my Camry. Like I also do with my old Iphone 3GS or my MacBook Pro from 2006, I do my best these days to treasure what I still have and be grateful for it.

My Toyota Camry Hybrid currently has around 170,000 miles on it and at the present moment, is my primary source of transportation. Since I don’t have the ability to acquire a new or used vehicle, I rely greatly upon this car to hopefully last awhile longer. So I guess you could say that I’m quite anal retentive about its care and that includes any strange noises that suddenly appear.

One of those began during a long drive to see my sister this past Christmas. After driving through a torrential downpour and enduring a lot of hydroplaning, I began to hear this rattling noise somewhere beneath my car. Unfortunately all attempts to locate its source on my own came up empty-handed. I tried to ignore it for a period of time until it got truly annoying. That led me to a car repair shop where I did my best to describe the problem. After repeated inspections at the same place, nothing was discovered.

Not knowing what else to do, I started practicing acceptance and doing my best to tune out the noise from that point forward. And for a time, it worked. That was until it began to grow louder and more frequent. This led me back into a completely different repair shop, on two separate occasions. And while they did hear the noise, the only thing they could come up with was a loose mud flap, which ended up not being the problem either.

At that point, I began to grow in frustration, anger, and even resentment because of it. But as I’ve mentioned in many of my writings, I believe those feelings are poison to my spiritual growth. And I’ve seen how they can take me directly away from being the servant I want to be for my Higher Power. So I ended up praying for help in the matter, several times actually. And it was on that day where I randomly discovered I was drastically low on engine coolant. That led me immediately to a repair shop nearby who was able to fill it up for free. I decided while there to try one last time to locate the source of that noise. And wouldn’t you know it, they did. It was a very loose and rusting away heat shield.

After three long months of trying to deal with it all on my own, prayer led me to the place that was able to locate and fix the problem. I’m really not sure why this prayer was answered, when so many of the others I pray for these days are still in limbo. The fact is though, it did get answered and I’m grateful to my Higher Power for it.

So I am going to believe there probably are no silly prayers in this world and maybe I just had to get out of our own ego’s way and pray for help in the matter. Even though it was a trivial matter in the long run, my Higher Power does appear to be listening. I’m glad I got out of my own way to figure that out…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Romanticizing The Person You Think You Used To Be

I went to an AA meeting today and heard a woman talk about a relapse she went through recently after a long period of sobriety. Something she said really moved me to comment during that meeting, enough so that I wanted to write about it here as well. Towards the end of her share she mentioned she was really far from being the person she used to be and missed that part of herself.

Here’s my simple truth on that matter…

I don’t ever want to be who I used to be.

Sometimes it’s easy for the ego to say that things were so much better in the past. Trust me, I should know given the pain levels I’ve been enduring in my spiritual journey to heal and grow closer to God. There have been many-a-days where I have romanticized my old life, the one where I was able to get around and participate in a lot more things. But the reality is that I am spiritually healthier and so much more in tune with unconditional love and light today, than I was back then. While I might have been more active in sports and in various other activities, the sad truth is that I also lived in a tremendous amount of darkness during those times. Who I used to be then was the same person that led me continuously into one addiction after another.

As for that woman in the AA meeting, she hasn’t realized yet that the woman she misses being is the same woman that led herself into her relapse. She also doesn’t understand that she has already grown through that relapse and is becoming healthier than who she was prior to it. The same principle holds true for me.

I grew an incredible amount by living in all my addictions and relapses. Honestly, going through all of that darkness is what helps me to speak openly today about who I am now and who I am still becoming.

Often many people in recovery will give up and relapse when the pain starts piling up. For this woman, a failed relationship was enough pain to lead her back out. Through spiritual work with her sponsor and her Higher Power though, she’ll realize that there was a gift in all of what she went through. Her relapse revealed a weakness in her recovery program and spiritual life that she was living before going back out. While she might feel more pain now than she did before her relapse, she truly is spiritually growing beyond her past self.

I really admire when a person shares so openly like this woman did today. Her courage is impressive and it shows her Higher Power is working within her. I pray that she realizes this soon enough and learns she is already healthier today than she was before her relapse. And I know through a deeper relationship with her Higher Power, she’ll eventually realize that she really is quite far from the person she used to be, but she’ll also know that’s a good thing!

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson